Posted on 03/21/2005 1:35:43 PM PST by quidnunc
Turnabout is only fair play, I guess. Considering that official Canada routinely takes cheap shots at the United States for supposedly being a war-mongering state run by born-again Neanderthals, it was only a matter of time before someone down south decided to return the favour.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "The Great White Waste of Time," the cover story from the latest issue (dated today) of the Weekly Standard, an unabashedly American conservative publication.
In the piece, writer Matt Labash cuts right to the chase, saying he regards Canada "as most Americans do, as North America's attic, a mildewy recess that adds little value to the house, but serves as excellent dead space for stashing Nazi war criminals, drawing-room socialists and hockey goons."
Hey! There's no hockey goons here this year. They're all playing in Europe!
But wait. It gets better. Canadians are a "docile, Zamboni-driving people who subsist on seal casserole and Molson. Their hobbies include wearing flannel, obsessing over American hegemony, exporting deadly mad cow disease and even deadlier Gordon Lightfoot and Nickelback albums."
Well, so far I'm just relieved that he hasn't mentioned Celine Dion.
And for the record, Matt, I don't particularly like seal casserole, preferring instead polar bear steaks done on the barbecue during that one day in July when there's no snow on the ground.
-snip-
"In a sense," writes Labash, "Canada is the perfect place for American quitters, as it evidences self-loathing masquerading as self-congratulation."
Those would be fighting words, but we don't have enough of a military left to do anything about it.
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at canoe.ca ...
It's obvious whoever thought of Canadians that way has spent too much time in Quebec or the liberal bastions of the large cities...since it is only really true in those areas...
ROFL - Great article by American Standard :)
Canada - that quaint little suburb of the US.
Wow - so this guy gets paid to rehash other people's articles? This article is 80% quotes from Labash and 20% original comments. Sounds like a pretty laid back job to me.
Wonderful.
The writer shows a great sense of humor -- not a nasty zinger back, anywhere.
So true...
Someone once said that living in Canada is like being in a studio apartment above a really good party.
A truly outstanding civilization would be one that combines French cuisine, British style and American technology. Unfortunately Canada combines British cuisine, French technology and American style.
Then again, Canada is a nice place to build cars and purchase oil.
That's it dump your scummy bleeding heart wankers up here. Like we didn't have enough of them!! People we are trying to clean up the mess up here. Cut us some slack!! Send these Kool-aid drinkers to Europe instead!!
Mmmmmm...Polar Bear. It's what's for dinner!
That is perfect.
Bump
Ya gotta love that last sentence. LOLOL
We think alike....
seal casserole and Molson.
Actually they prefer Kraft Dinners!
That sounds like Canadian involvement in world politics, if you substitute "Eurotrash" for "Labash." It sounds like Canada's role in the world economy if you substitute "work for their betters in the U.S." for "quotes from Labash" and "work for themselves flensing whales and ushering drunks into hockey arenas" for "original comments."
Maybe he could get a gig with NewsMax.
And K-Cars, for reasons I don't entirely understand.
Polar Bear. All white meat.
You forgot the worst one.... WILLIAM SHATNER! Send Kirk Home.
KAAAHHHHNNNNNN.......
Wasn't Triumph talking to some Canadian who described himself as a 'separationist', and T. advised him to separate his fat a** from donuts? :-}
Canuck 7 course dinner: six pack of Labatt Blue and a big bowl of blubber. (Fuggedaboutit, they love the attention)
Sorry. They're too lazy to go that far, and plus there's something about a border crossing that is romantic to them. Like the VonTrapp's fleeing to Switzerland.
Maybe it's like a luggage rack on top of gigantic SUV - It's where we put our baggage.
The Maritimes (New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, & Prince Edward Island) are solidly socialist as well.
They're not a real country, anyway.
"One MP from the socialist New Democratic party called the show "vile and vicious," and said it was tantamount to hatemongering. Historians believe this to be the first time a member of parliament has so categorically denounced a hand puppet."
The skin's all black. Don't know, or want to get close enough to find out, what's underneath.
Isn't Alberta the province that provided that great statesman, Joe Clark?
Matt Labash's article was really funny. The Bare Naked Ladies explains about the Kraft Dinners and K-cars in their song "If I Had a Million Dollars".
What's this all aboot, eh?
}:-)4
Hit the rowed, Jack...
Most amusing!
That's ancient history...
That seems to be true...the pure conservatives are mostly west of the Ottawa River: in rural parts of Ontario, the Prairies and the interior and Fraser Valley region of British Columbia...strongest in Alberta.
Anyone with a link?
How bout this ONE?
Alanis Nadine Morissette
Theres something in the water "up there".
The world is like one big family. The big dad is America, Mother Russia is the mother of course, China and India are the two sibling in constant rivalry, you have the pretty daughter who has a mean streak in France, you have the geeky little brother in Germany, and then you have Canada.
Canada is the cousin with Down's Syndrome everyone in the family loves and cares for. He's always got a smile on his face like a kid with Down's Syndrome, he's quite naive, is timid, insecure, and quite "slow", but in all harmless as long as you don't actually give him any real responsibility.
In the Special Olympics of life Canada is #1!
Just ask our Toronto/Montreal/Ottawa intelligensia.
The world is like one big family. The big dad is America, Mother Russia is the mother of course, China and India are the two sibling in constant rivalry, you have the pretty daughter who has a mean streak in France, you have the geeky little brother in Germany, and then you have Canada.
Canada is the cousin with Down's Syndrome everyone in the family loves and cares for. He's always got a smile on his face like a kid with Down's Syndrome, he's quite naive, is timid, insecure, and quite "slow", but in all harmless as long as you don't actually give him any real responsibility.
In the Special Olympics of life Canada is #1!
Just ask our Toronto/Montreal/Ottawa intelligensia.
Here's a flash about Canada to all you geniuses out there: Absent Canadian ballistic steel we would be suffering many more deaths and casualties in the two war zones our GIs are at risk in. We have managed to eliminate virtually all of our steel producing capacity and rely almost entirely on Canadian production to up-armor our military vehicles.
I'm glad she's in the US.
There's a satellite photo that shows North America at night. The United States is lit up like a Christmas tree but north of the border, there is near total darkness, except for a strip of light in Southern Canada near the U.S. border. Those are all the big Canadian cities, Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver, Ottawa, Winnipeg, etc., that are essentially no more than a couple of hours from the U.S. border. Above that, virtually nothing.
Feel free to reread my post if you think your information is somehow impacting it. And just because the U.S. has been dumb enough to regulate its steel production out of existence doesn't make Canada suddenly some pro-American wonderland for selling a product Americans need. I doubt you would apply the same logic to China.
Further, I assume from your comments that you think Canada selling something to America makes it worth it for America to be defending Canada, or even makes Canada somehow immune to being called a wuss icebox. I doubt you would apply the same logic to China here, either.
that's a nice picture man.
Good Lord, Canada looks like our version of North Korea there.
what about Alaska?
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