Happy Father's Day to Forum Fathers

My own thoughts... | 06/19/2005 | DoughtyOne

[DoughtyOne]

I didn't want to be guilty of letting this day pass without a special salute to the fathers on this forum.

All too often Dad's are the invisible champions in our society. If they are portrayed in the media, they are most generally used as the butt of jokes or a prop to make someone else look superior.

This is your day Dads. Thanks for stepping up and taking on the challenge.

I'd like to see this thread used by folks to champion their fathers, spouses, brothers or other special dads that have made a difference in your life, the lives of other family members or even friends.

I'll be back in a few hours to place my thoughts about my own dad here. By then I hope to see many heartwarming stories about other great dads.

Right now I'm off to see my wife's dad. This afternoon I'll be seeing my own. In-between, I'll place some comments here about my own dad.

Happy Father's Day!

[Red Boots]

With all the knowledge we have on FR I'd like to see any and all words of wisdom posted that can be helpful to the upcoming generation of fathers.

Dear young men, fathers and husbands to be:

The cultural world does not acknowledge it, but you will soon (hopefully) be embarking on the most important job you will ever have; that of a husband and/or father. Since we pass so much of our character on down to our children, and they to theirs; what you do, and how you do it, will affect the lives of many people down the generations.

If you so choose; your children, and theirs, will pattern themselves after your honesty, integrity, discipline and courage.If you choose to stand up for what is right and good, they will follow. If you choose to love and serve G-d, it becomes more likely that they will, too. If you choose, you may also be the one to stop the propagation of destructive characteristics, those that were passed on to you, down through the generations. All you have to do is stop them in yourself.

And finally, despite all propaganda to the contrary in popular culture, the world has never needed you to do this as desperately as it needs you now. To all the good men who have heeded this call, down through the generations...I salute you, and I humbly offer my sincere gratitude.

Happy Father's Day !

[taxesareforever]

How did you know I would go to this site? Kidding.Love you too. Dad

[reagan_fanatic]

This is my eight-month old pre-born daughter Samantha. She will be joining my family in about one more month, and will join her 14 year-old sister and 17 year-old brother.



Fathers Day definitely applies here!

[CyberAnt]

I give a special salute to my DAD who loved America and was always sad that he was too young for WWI and too old for WWII. But he taught me to love America (even with all her warts), and I remember going to see every military movie they made which showed America as the VICTOR.

Thanks DAD for a great inheritance - loving my country.

[Theresawithanh]

My father passed away two weeks ago, so this Father's day is a little hard for me, and probably will be difficult every year.

At his funeral, many of the family got up and talked about what he meant to them, their grandpa, their dad, their brother, their uncle. Some of the tributes made us cry, most of the tributes made us laugh.

My father was a wonderful person. His only wish was that all of his family would take Jesus into their hearts. A lot of times he'd say that maybe this life wasn't always so easy, but God had guaranteed us the best retirement plan!

[No Blue States]

Im very sorry about your father. He sounds like a good family leader. I lost mine in 79 at age 15.
I know what you mean about fathers day being difficult.
For what little it may be worth from a stranger online..You are not alone.

[No Blue States]

Congratulations Reagan Fanatic! Thats great. :)

[No Blue States]

If you choose, you may also be the one to stop the propagation of destructive characteristics, those that were passed on to you, down through the generations. All you have to do is stop them in yourself.

BTTT

[cubreporter]

Happy Fathers Day, Dad. I should have invited you to my fort.


Wow. That line brought tears to my eyes. It's funny how we think our parents know it all. Actually, they are learing and growing along with us especially the first child. God bless all parents and God bless all fathers today who do the right thing by their children.
I have a sign that reads:

"Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy." :) I gave that to my husband years ago. It still hangs in his office.

[cubreporter]

What we wouldnt give to fish with him one more time.



How many of us have said something similar over time? Memories...thank God for them.

[cubreporter]

Happy "Almost" Father's Day. :) Best wishes.

[cubreporter]

Maybe buy him a card. Write a personal message and seal it. It helps.

[cubreporter]

Happy Father's Day to all the Freeper Dads. May you live to be one hundred with your great grandchildren sitting on your lap. God bless you all.

[No Blue States]

Thank You!

I heard it gets easy once you become Grandparents..you spoil them then give them back to their parents to deal with. heheh

But I wish time would stop flying, mine are growing up too fast. We will miss the joy and happiness that our toddler is so full of. (when she isnt cranky and difficult)

[Pharmboy]

Well, three of my five were here (the three that live with me and the bride). Oldest working today in DC and son working also--NYPD. But it is a great day--some others are over, and I got a bottle of Glenlivet 18 among the gifts. Even my dogs gave me stuff.

For me, the highlights are the computer-made Father's Day cards that the kids make for me. Excellent crop this year. Hope you had a great one...

Best to you,
PB

[cubreporter]

My dad always said he wished us four kids were kids again. I could never understand that until our kids left home. Then his words came ringing back. So, enjoy your baby because like the old saying: "Before you know it... " God bless you and your family and...if one day years from now..you find yourself saying: "I wish the kids were kids again"...think of my dad and me but...think happy thoughts. :)

[DoughtyOne]

It's the one day of the year when I reflect back on the path that fatherhood led me down.  It's the one day of the year when I acknowledge something that I don't often dwell upon.  It's the one day of the year when I realize that the happiest moment in my life was just being somewhere.  It actually happened not once, but twice in my life.  Sorry ladies, it wasn't either of my two wedding days, although those rank right up there.  As I look back now over the years, the most special moments of my life were spent in rooms during the early morning hour when Ronnie and the late morning hour when Jennifer were born.

I'm not sure that women fully understand this, but men cherish their children every bit as much as they do.  Even though we did not carry our children inside us, we are instantly bonded to them.  We know that the fact that they entered this world at all, was because of the intense love we experienced with you, their mothers.  We anticipate their arrival and love them intensely before they are even born.  We see in them your eyes, our cheeks, your hair our hands.  We do not express this love the same way you do.  Some of us actually think telling the children ten times per day that we love them, is counter-productive.  Once every few days seemed more believable to me.  Saying it with my eyes, smile and hugs seemed more believable to me.  Saying it by going off to work and coming straight home every day seemed more believable to me.

Those of you who are not fathers should know up front that fatherhood is not always the rewarding experience boys and young men think it will be.  Being as perfect a parent as you were determined to be will not be possible.  There will be times when you will be happy with the way you handled things.  There will be times when you won't.  You will cherish the moments you were together and learn to handle the periods when you are separated.  For many of you, that separation will be the most unbearable pain you will experience in your life.  Fortunately most men make it through this.  Even more fortunate, many will not have to go through this at all.

There may come times in your life when you have to let go of your children.  You may not see them for periods of time.  You may think that you have weathered the storm well, have let go and have come to grips with that.  And then that one phone call will come and the emotion that you thought would never be there again, will overwhelm you.  You will come to understand that very few women understand this.  You will come to realize that society does not understand this.  You will come to realize that the deck is stacked against you.  You will weather the storm and sometimes have great affinity for a single giant California Redwood.  It will be the one with a great big crack in it and a burned out base.  It will still have a few green sprouts near the top, and be standing tall.  Few will line up to see it, but some will appreciate what it has been through, and marvel.

Perhaps it is best on Father's day to focus on some of the pitfalls of being a father.  Perhaps it is as important to understand the intense pains of being a father, as it is to ponder the moments of elation.  Perhaps this is the only way to realize how important your father was in your life, whether always present or not.  He's probably not that much unlike you.  Perhaps he felt the unrivaled anguish that fathering you brought into his life.  Perhaps you have never understood that could be an aspect of his relationship with you, or you to him.

On this day fathers across this nation will be recognized for the fact they hold a special place in your life.  Few will be fully recognized for the incredibly special place you hold in theirs.

Life is not perfect.  My father Elwood Len Doughty exited my life when I was two and a half.  When the divorce hit the fan, I was shipped off to the maternal set of grandparents.  My father never know that I spend the first year telling them that I hated them and wanted my father and mother back.  He'll never know that I know that he and my mother were inclined to put us up for adoption, and my grandparents stepped in and put their foot down.  Not even my grandparents ever knew that I knew that.  My aunt Elaine told me.  My brother was fifty years old when I learned how jealous he was that I arrived about six months after him at the grandparents farm, and stole his thunder.  Forty-three years later and he still carried the scars.  At seven years of age I was the first person picked up on the rural school bus route.  I remember asking the bus driver if he thought it was possible my mom and dad might ever get back together.

I determined never to put my children through that.  Decades later I would struggle to keep a relationship together, and put them through a different kind of hell.

My grandparents, both registered nurses gave my brother and I the best early years they could.  My grandfather was my bud.  I sat next to him on the widened tractor seat as he worked on the farm.  We spent late nights listening to the St. Louis Cardinal baseball games.  Harry Carry and Jack Buck gave us blow by blow for Musial, Brock, Boyer, Flood, McCarver, Gibson and others.  Henry Charles Grounds was a gruff older man.  He died when I was fifteen.  He remains frozen in my memory of that time, not a perfect man, not a man that I grew old enough to understand the human frailties of.  He was this overpowering figure that I respected and loved a great deal.  He instilled in me a fondness for baseball.  I spent twenty-five years of my life playing organized softball/baseball due to him.  He's probably the father I modeled my adult behavior after, for better or worse.  Some of it definitely worse.

My step-father didn't impact my life a great deal.  Roy Caperton was a semi-truck driver for Reynolds and Company out of Joplin, Missouri.  He was patient with me.  Although I was a pain at times, I did try to respect him.  Looking back now, I wish I would have expressed more of an appreciation to him for being my mother's husband, and a brief parent to me.  He was a good guy that had been though rough times.

At eighteen years of age, I had become a little hellion.  I wasn't all that bad, but I wasn't all that good either.  It was determined that I'd spend the summer with my father living in California.  I left for California and seldom looked back.

Although my father had picked my brother and I up for vacations every two or three years since the divorce, our relationships were nearly nonexistent.  My father was stable.  He was a good man.  He had three other children and I had a step-mother.

My father grew up around Glendale, California.  He had entered the Navy at 17, a little bit of a hellion of his own.  He served as a supply clerk in the Pacific Theater during WWII.  He was stationed in Hawaii, Japan and was present aboard ship at Bikini Atoll during some of the nuclear testing there.  My father talks fondly of his service in Japan.  He was able to travel by himself freely there around six months after the war ended.  The Japanese people were very respectful.  On a bus one day, a pregnant Japanese lady stood up and offered him her seat.  He thanked her very much, and asked her to please use the seat herself.

He remembers watching nuclear weapons tests from five to ten miles off, after the initial blast flash.  This is something I did not know until just a few years ago.

My father joined his father as an ambulance driver for the county of Los Angeles when he returned from the war.  He married my mother and they had two boys, my brother Len and myself.  After the divorce he remarried and had three more children, Susan, Jim and Steven.  He served as a Los Angeles County Deputy Sheriff under Peter J. Pitches.  He served as a patrol officer, a sergeant, a sergeant with the Special Enforcement Bureau and as an internal investigations officer.   In his capacity with the Sheriff's Special Enforcement Bureau, my father was involved in the apprehensions of both Patty Hearst and Charles Manson.  There were large details so it shouldn't be construed that he was the actual officer who took them into custody, but he was there as part of the operation.  As a patrol officer my father and his partner busted the largest commercial theft ring in the history of Los Angeles, up to that time.

During one of my visits to California as a young boy, my father gave me tours of the Wayside Honor Ranch and the Hall of Justice Jail in downtown L.A.  Around fifteen years later, I would spend a portion of a four and a half month stint at the later, on roughly the 22nd floor.

My father was a good man.  I always respected him.  He conducted himself in an exemplary manner at work.  He provided a good home for his second family.  Although I had reason to be bitter, I never went through that.  I'm not sure exactly why.

My father was both a blessing and at times a curse to my first marriage.  I'm sure others could understand this.  Despite this, I love my father very much.  I do not always tell him how much I do, or why I do, but I do.

At this stage of my life, I understand how things happen.  I understand that your desire for things to turn out rosy don't always flesh out.  I understand that my father is human.  I understand what a good one he has always been, and continues to be.

I believe that he is a better man than I.  I don't really think it is necessary to tell him that.  I guess this is something to file away in that place where I file the pain of missing him for sixteen years as a child, along with the utter destruction that took place each time when knew he was leaving and I wouldn't get to see him again for two or three more years.

In the next ten years, perhaps much less, my father will be leaving again.  He won't be coming back this time.  Today is the day I make sure he knows how much he has meant to me, and still does.

Giving these special people a few hours of our thoughts on this day is both edifying for them, and a growth experience for us.  It certainly has been for me.

Perhaps it's time for that second call today.  "Yes dad, I know I already called.  I just don't think you understood how much I truly do love you."

Hope your day was special forum dads.  Every one of you have experienced some of what I have, and I do think it's great that you became fathers.  It's a growth experience that places you in a category of understanding that men who do not make that choice will never enter.  You have been tested and tried.  Kudos to you.  It's a personal growth thing.  You have graduated with honors to a certain degree, everyone of you.

I would like to thank the folks who participated on this thread.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, reading the other contributions and how they apply to you and the realtionship you have with your father.

[DoughtyOne]

Perhaps some of you will see a bit of yourselves in this.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1426125/posts?page=37#37

[DoughtyOne]

Thank you for stopping by to mention your step-father and what he meant to you. Very nice.

[DoughtyOne]

Thank you.