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Vanity : Bud & Lou on Computers
received on grey_whiskers' email | 7-30-2005 | grey_whiskers

Posted on 07/30/2005 4:49:54 PM PDT by grey_whiskers

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: clueless; computers; humor; pcs; personalcomputers
Enjoy!
1 posted on 07/30/2005 4:49:54 PM PDT by grey_whiskers
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To: grey_whiskers

Pretty good.


2 posted on 07/30/2005 4:56:23 PM PDT by x1stcav (Hooahh!)
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To: grey_whiskers

That's good. Why aren't "comedians" funny anymore?


3 posted on 07/30/2005 5:05:17 PM PDT by DesertWalker
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To: DesertWalker

Because they're are either female or gay. There are NO funny women comics and the last funny gay guy was Paul Lynde.


4 posted on 07/30/2005 5:06:14 PM PDT by Clemenza (Life Ain't Fair, GET OVER IT!)
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To: grey_whiskers

My Grandparents were big-time Abbott and Costello fans. they would have enjoyed that skit as much as I did.

Thanks for the memories....oops, that was Bob Hope...smile.


5 posted on 07/30/2005 5:07:48 PM PDT by gooleyman ( What about the baby's "RIGHT TO CHOOSE"?????? I bet the baby would chose LIFE.)
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To: Clemenza

I had forgotten about Paul Lynde. Yes, he was funny. I had no idea he was homosexual.


6 posted on 07/30/2005 5:09:37 PM PDT by DesertWalker
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To: grey_whiskers

lol


7 posted on 07/30/2005 5:12:54 PM PDT by pipecorp (Let's have a CRUSADE! , the muslim half has already started. ps. I need more cowbell!)
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To: DesertWalker
I had forgotten about Paul Lynde. Yes, he was funny. I had no idea he was homosexual.

Mike Douglas: "So Paul, when are you going to settle down with the right girl?"

Paul Lynde: "What are you, deaf and blind?"

8 posted on 07/30/2005 5:14:24 PM PDT by Clemenza (Life Ain't Fair, GET OVER IT!)
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To: grey_whiskers

I love their skits. They were the greatest. George and Gracie were great also, just to name another team that was very funny.


9 posted on 07/30/2005 5:15:08 PM PDT by calex59 (If you have to take me apart to get me there, then I don't want to go!)
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To: Darth Reagan

This is funny.


10 posted on 07/30/2005 5:22:31 PM PDT by marblehead17 (I love it when a plan comes together.)
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To: Clemenza
There are NO funny women comics and the last funny gay guy was Paul Lynde.

Rita Rudner is really funny ("My husband tried to get in touch with his feminine side but it was always on the phone with its girlfriends.")

Roseanne was brilliantly funny, too, before her show jumped the shark and she got too caught up in being a celebrity. The first few seasons of her show were some of the funniest on TV, and her original stand-up routines were terrific.

Wendy Liebman was funny too, although she hasn't updated her act in years. So was Carol Liefer, who wrote for Seinfeld.

Ellen Degeneris used to be funny, before she came out.

11 posted on 07/30/2005 5:31:39 PM PDT by Maceman (Pro Se Defendant from Hell)
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To: Clemenza

Paul Lynde...

That guy was a riot.


12 posted on 07/30/2005 5:35:06 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: Clemenza

The sad thing about comics these days, is they think they have to get racey for laughs. Vulgarity spews and the laughter quotent plumets. It's the same problem with movies.

I've begun taping older movies off TMC and FMC. Those old classics are great. They cover adult subjects but you wouldn't be embarassed to watch them with your parents or kids.


13 posted on 07/30/2005 5:42:43 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: grey_whiskers
Clever.
14 posted on 07/30/2005 7:17:10 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Mesocons for Rice '08)
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To: Maceman
Ellen Degeneris used to be funny, before she came out.

Ellen used to be a professional comic who was very funny and happened to be a lesbian. Then she became a professional lesbian who happened to be a comic and isn't funny any more.

15 posted on 07/30/2005 7:25:42 PM PDT by Bob
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To: DesertWalker
I had forgotten about Paul Lynde. Yes, he was funny. I had no idea he was homosexual/

Oh, come on!
One look at Hollywood Squares told me that!

Fabulous cheers!

16 posted on 07/30/2005 8:04:23 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: Clemenza
Because they're are either female or gay. There are NO funny women comics and the last funny gay guy was Paul Lynde.

I disagree... Paula Poundstone is both gay and a woman, and everyone I know agrees that she's a real hoot. For a hetero woman with terrific timing, and funny as all get out, there's Rita Rudner. And both Whoppie and Ellen can be extremely funny, if they stay away from politics and sex, and keep the material clean...

Didn't you ever think that Gracie Allen was funny? How about Rosanne (when she was first starting out?) I guess I'm really dating myself, but I love the older acts of many of the modern comics. For instance, I can't stand to listen to most of George Carlin's stuff today, but his stuff from years ago was (mostly) clean, and really funny. Yeah, I know, you're talking about women comics here, and I wandered off topic.

Mark

17 posted on 07/30/2005 8:19:13 PM PDT by MarkL (It was a shocking cock-up. The mice were furious!)
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To: Maceman
Wow! I think that we've got similar senses of humor... Another Rita Rudner favorite of mine...

"I love band men... Why run your fingers through their hair, when you can sink your fingers into their skulls!"

Mark

18 posted on 07/30/2005 8:24:55 PM PDT by MarkL (It was a shocking cock-up. The mice were furious!)
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To: grey_whiskers

Bump....


19 posted on 07/30/2005 9:17:18 PM PDT by Intolerant in NJ
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To: grey_whiskers

20 posted on 07/30/2005 9:20:02 PM PDT by Nick Danger (www.hillcap.org)
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To: DesertWalker

You don't consider filthy language,unfunny jokes and ranting about the racist whites,stinking rich republicans and bigoted conservatives funny???????What kind of humorless american are you?????


21 posted on 07/30/2005 10:33:51 PM PDT by fishbabe
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To: grey_whiskers

Not bad!


22 posted on 04/23/2009 10:09:52 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar (Atlas Shrugged Mode: ON)
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To: Jet Jaguar
Too bad it's not mine...

But I work on computers, so I circulated it around work...

Most people appreciated it.

Cheers!

23 posted on 04/23/2009 10:11:00 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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