As General George S. Patton said, "I would rather have a German division in front of me then a French division behind me."
Watch Babylon 5 there was an episode with an English Guy Marcus, he played a Ranger, when comming into contact with a "First One" commander Ivonova said, "He can understand english but chooses not to speak to me in it"
Marcus replied, "Just like the French."
hahahaha... love this article... to be fair though, i know there are some French men who are good warriors... still recognize the Legionaires or maybe GIGN... but most of the datas presented in your thread is True... good post dude..
FRENCH = LOOSER or MAJOR LOOSER!!
Why are they in the UN!? Why hasn't Germany comquered them already? or Great Britain! They need to have some guidence. To bad the Americans were using Condoms after WWI. We may have been related and had a strong ally.
hehehe! Especially the WW1 description!
This is always good for a laugh. Go to Google, type in French Military Victories and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky"
All these wars tell you only one thing: France has been the pest of Europe since the end of the Roman Empire. In fact, the best rulers Gaul ever had were Italian.
Don't forget the Rule of French Culture: When in doubt, imitate the Italians, and then do it badly.
This amusing list of French military achievements is for ever popping up, but the humour wears thin after a while, and in any case it's wildly inaccurate; nobody with any sense or access to a decent history book could really believe that the French don't have a very respectable military record, all told (I say that as an English guy who doesn't really like them all that much). They've had their ups and downs, of course, like all other countries, and their defeat in the Second World War still rankles today. But to be fair, the German military machine at that time was pretty formidable, and we British too lost against the Germans in 1940. The tragedy for the French was that they had no Channel behind which to regroup.
But if nobody else (for example French people) can be bothered to refute all the other over-the-top points on the list, I won't deign to either. All you need to do is read some books.
But what of the USA's military achievements? First I thought I'd write a list of American victories against major powers without foreign assistance, but oh dear, I found there weren't any. On the other hand, America has fought very few wars compared with most European countries, so it's feasible to list them all. On the othe hand, the list makes no claim to completeness – I can't be bothered with the numerous interventions in Central America.
The American Revolution
The American colonists refuse to pay taxes like everybody else. The British win most of the battles but lose a few crucial ones. It's the intervention of another European power that finally ends their strategically and logistically impossible attempt to subdue the revolting colonists. Many senior British politicians were opposed to the war anyway, so they give it up as a bad job. An American win thanks to their good friends, and an end to taxation in the USA. So far so good!
War of 1812
The British (like almost all the other European countries) are fully engaged in the 20-year life-or-death struggle to defeat France. The Americans as allies of the French take advantage of the distraction and try to conquer Canada, but fail rather miserably against the locals and a few British detachments. They win one or two battles, but their capital city is captured and the White House is burnt down (not usually a sign one's winning), and Canada stays British. Best call this one a draw…
Mexican War 1846-8
The Americans decide they'd like to steal a large portion of Mexico, a "major" power at that time. They win not least due to the incompetence of the Mexican leaders. U.S. Grant disapproved strongly of this war of aggression. Obviously some kind of traitor. Disputes about the slave/free status of the ex-Mexican states lead to…
The American Civil War
A clear-cut victory for the USA! A long struggle, with many setbacks in the first two years (Bull Run - twice! - Chancellorsville, and others too tedious to list), but in the end the Union triumphs against the Confederate surrender monkeys (Vicksburg, Appomatox et al.).
Wars against the Indians from 1770s to 1890
Ultimate victory is achieved against savage tribes who had been squatting on United States property since time immemorial. Some of these hostiles are men of military age, and many of these are actually armed! Nevertheless, the US Army heroically slaughters them, despite a number of mishaps suffered by some officers (St.Clair, Fetterman, Custer etc.).
The Spanish-American War
Another "major" world power is defeated, mainly at sea, although there is one "major" battle involving some uniformed cowboys assaulting some hill or other. An American win! Leading to the…
US-Philippine War
The US army takes only a couple of years to defeat a bunch of natives armed with sharp sticks. An American win!
The Moro Wars, 1901-1913
VERY sharp sticks.
Boxer Rebellion in China
The Americans fight quite well (as do the British, Germans, French, Russians, Italians, Austrians and Japanese). The USA's first victory as part of an allied effort.
First World War
The British and French (among others) have fought the Germans to the brink of collapse in four years of costly trench warfare, resulting in several million deaths. The Americans join in towards the end and actually fight a few battles against tottering German forces in the closing months of the war. Afterwards they claim they won the whole war on their own. They only lose some 100,000 or so men in this short time. Another allied victory.
Second World War
The US really want to sit things out and profit from the war (which started in 1939, not in 1941! Please remember this). Unfortunately, the Japanese put a spanner in the works. In late 1941 most of Europe has already fallen to the mighty German war machine at its peak, but the latter is being ground down by the Russians, and defeat is staring Germany in the face long before any US troops see combat against the Wehrmacht (luckily for the GIs). However, the tanks, planes and material the USA produces helps Britain while it's on its own in the West (it would be churlish to criticise that the US made Britain pay back every penny, this debt finally being paid off a few years ago). The Russians too can thank US trucks for making their army more mobile, while the USAAF is adept at downgrading enemy resources (i.e. killing civilians).
There are of course a few mishaps for the US again (Kasserine, Rapido River, Omaha, Ardennes etc.), but on the whole they acquit themselves quite well. Incidentally, at the end of the war the nutcase General Patton wants to stab his Russian allies in the back and team up with the Nazis to fight the Soviet Union, but is fortuitiously killed in a road accident before he does any real damage.
After Pearl Harbour and mass surrenders in many of their Pacific possessions, the Americans get lucky against the Japanese at Midway, and then it's all "plain sailing" with relatively light casualties, until they get fed up and drop atomic bombs on Japan. But America played a big role in the Pacific war, alongside the British and Australian forces, so they can be counted as a winner here.
All in all, an allied victory. However, the Americans have been bragging incessantly ever since that they won it all by themselves. The British in particular never tire of hearing this, so when Americans visit the UK the should always remind the locals about it. The British in turn ponder whether the next time America gets into a war, they should wait a few years until the fighting's nearly over before they join in, and then claim all the credit.
Korean War
After the North Koreans cross the 38th parallel, the Americans (and numerous allied contingents) defeat them and the Chinese comprehensively; the war ends with the new border along … er… the 38th parallel. Let's be charitable and call it a win anyway.
The Vietnam War
The Americans win this one too comprehensively, culminating in their triumphant withdrawal (from the embassy roof in Saigon) in 1975 and the victory of capitalism and the American Way of Life in the newly united Vietnam.
Grenada
Another resounding triumph against a formidable enemy. The Queen is not amused at this attack on a Commonwealth island.
Panama
Another triumph. Stop laughing.
Gulf War 1
A mighty coalition of American, British, French, Syrian and Saudi forces (among many others) smacks down the uppity Saddam, their erstwhile ally against the Ayatollahs, but leaves him in power to preserve order in Iraq. Well done, USA!
Somalia
A wildly successful attempt to reimpose order on a failed state. Not many killed.
Kosovo
US planes destroy Serbia's infrastructure and hostile civilians. The loss of a Stealth bomber worth more than Serbia's GNP mars the victory.
Gulf War 2 Another mighty coalition of American and British forces (but no French, Syrian or Saudi troops this time) deposes still-uppity Saddam and annilates his pitiful troops, many of whom were trained and armed. Yet another US triumph! The grateful Iraqis make the US troops very welcome.
The Cold War
Not really a war, more an arms race. Eventually the USSR falls behind technologically and runs out of money; on top of that, US-funded Afghan rebels trounce its army. These fighters also go on to trash their own country in a prolonged civil war, finally won by the Taliban. Victory for someone, leading to…
The Global War on Terror
The USA is winning this one, and will continue to do so for decades to come. Afghanistan and Iraq are now peaceful (apart from minor insurgency and terror), and the USA will generously and gladly expend many hundreds of troops and many billions of dollars to eliminate the aweful threat posed by thousands of fanaticised civilians, many yet to be born, and to establish stable theocracies across the Middle East. Thank you, GWB, The Warrior Against Terror.
I hope this is taken in the spirit it is intended. The reactions will be interesting.
Mark
On one such occasion in Puebla, in 1928, a French bakery and shop was destroyed by angry soldiers. The irate baker demanded to be paid for the damages, which he estimated at 60,000 pesos. The Mexican government refused to pay for the compensation. Along with this disaster, Mexico still had an outstanding debt to France. The following turn of events would lead on to start the Mexican-French Pastry War....
Finally, in November of 1838, the blockade turned into an all out invasion on Veracruz. The small Mexican Navy could not defend and hold the strong French force. As the French invaded Verazcruz Mexico was practically unopposed with only a small Mexican Navy at anchor. Because of Mexico’s national debt no central strong army could be created. The only decent military force thus far in Mexican history was factions or radical armies behind independent generals....
After Santa Anna and his troops had left, the French were willing to leave stating that they received satisfaction, but they would not leave until they received payment, including compensation for the blockade. Finally in 1839, Mexico agreed to pay the French 600,00 pesos for damages. Along with mediation from Great Britain, Mexico and France resolved the conflict with two treaties.
These are excerpts from this site.
To be fair to Napoleon, he only really lost when he began to rely heavily on Frenchmen to do their share of the fighting...
Napoleon was pretty bloody terrifying if you ask me. Ok, he wasn't french, but his ruthlessly efficient marshals were.
I love this comment from an old FR Thread
This came from a comment on the French suffering through the heatwave but not buying AC because it was too "American:"
"The French prefer the sour smell of sweat because it reminds them of the smell of German buttocks. At the root of their reptile cortex, each of them carries the genetic disposition for this odor like an infant for the smell of it's mother."
- Lost. Surrendered to local mosquitoes.
There was a computer video game a couple of years ago called Armed and Dangerous. It was a shooter but also pretty funny. You have three goofy teammates who follow you around fighting with you. At one point in the game you are surrounded by bad guys with no way out. At that point the goofiest member of your squad says, "Don't worry I'll handle it." The guy then starts doing the Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi mind tricks and tells all of the bad guys they are french. The bad guys surrounding you immediately surrender and go fleeing in panic, allowing you to advance to the next level. It was hilarious, a great moment in PC gaming.
ROFLOL