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The Dangers of Thinking
E-mail | 8/15/05 | Unknown

Posted on 08/15/2005 2:42:28 PM PDT by Syco

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then--to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone--"to relax," I told myself--but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors...

They didn't open. The library was closed.

To! this da y, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a Poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I made the final step, I registered to vote as a Democrat.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: democrat; thinking
This is HILARIOUS! I had to share it with the audience I knew would love it the most. Enjoy!
1 posted on 08/15/2005 2:42:32 PM PDT by Syco
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To: Syco
Laugh out Loud Funny. Thank you for the post. My favorite line is below:

"I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself."

How utterly true!

2 posted on 08/15/2005 2:47:33 PM PDT by TAdams8591 (Member since December 1998)
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To: Syco
“I began to think alone--"to relax," I told myself--but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.”

George? George Costanza?!

3 posted on 08/15/2005 2:50:00 PM PDT by johnny7 (I like ya, Lloyd. I always liked ya. You were always the best of 'em.)
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To: Syco

Hilarious. I will be sending this to my true-blue liberal friends, thanks!


4 posted on 08/15/2005 2:51:44 PM PDT by RedBeaconNY (Vous parlez trop, mais vous ne dites rien.)
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To: Syco
The irony is that crats think that WE are the mind-numbed robots, and that they are almost all brilliant policy wonks.

They still believe that Al Gore was a brilliant policy wonk, while George W. Bush was a simpleton who coasted through Yale and Harvard Business school. Unless I am mistaken, his Dad was not VP until well after he graduated from Yale, and probably was not VP until after he graduated from Harvard Busienss School (although I don't know for sure about the latter.)

His Dad became a Congressman during his college education or graduate education, I think. A Congressman ranks somewhere around a good English butler in the eyes of many of the people whose kids attend Harvard Business School. That is, a useful and valued servant, nothing more. I am saying that they do not let anyone coast through to get a Harvard MBA based on his Dad's being a Congressman. I wonder if they might let the Sultan of Brunei's primary heir do it, but I have no evidence that they would.

Now University of Virginia is different. They have demonstrated that they will let in a guy who was caught cheating at Harvard. (Teddy Kennedy) I don't think UVA's Darden School of Business is easy for anyone, though.

5 posted on 08/15/2005 2:52:58 PM PDT by Montfort (Check out The Figurehead, by Thomas Larus at lulu.com. Montfort is the protagonist.)
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To: Syco

Nice expropriation of political humor, by changing the political affiliation. Too bad the joke doesn't make much sense unless it's "Republican," though.

The giveaway? Anyone who thinks that listening to NPR constitutes "thinking" is already a registered Democrat.


6 posted on 08/15/2005 2:54:42 PM PDT by RegulatorCountry (Esse Quam Videre)
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To: Syco

Ive built up an immunity.


7 posted on 08/15/2005 2:55:33 PM PDT by cripplecreek (If you must obey your party, may your chains rest lightly upon your shoulders.)
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To: Syco
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

LOL, too funny!
8 posted on 08/15/2005 2:55:43 PM PDT by andyk (Go Matt Kenseth!)
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To: TAdams8591

There is a Commandment: "Thou shalt not think"; the graphic symbol for it is automotive red-bordered circle with red diagonal slash through it, and a picture of a human brain in the circle.


9 posted on 08/15/2005 2:57:03 PM PDT by GSlob
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To: Syco

I don't think this is funny.


10 posted on 08/15/2005 2:57:58 PM PDT by snarks_when_bored
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To: Syco

Funny post!

Thanks for posting it!

Post some more, laughter is GOOD medicine.


11 posted on 08/15/2005 2:59:24 PM PDT by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God).)
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To: Syco

Damn fine!


12 posted on 08/15/2005 3:06:07 PM PDT by MarkeyD (I really, really loathe liberals.)
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To: Syco
Already posted...

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1420226/posts?page=709#709

13 posted on 08/15/2005 3:18:07 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States)
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To: GSlob

And it's a commandment few people have trouble following!


14 posted on 08/15/2005 3:18:31 PM PDT by TAdams8591 (Member since December 1998)
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To: Syco

bump


15 posted on 08/15/2005 3:46:33 PM PDT by orlop9
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To: Syco
One evening I had turned off the TV

There's your problem.

16 posted on 08/15/2005 3:50:49 PM PDT by Peter vE (Ceterum censeo: delenda est Carthago.)
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