Posted on 09/22/2005 5:48:16 PM PDT by wagglebee
We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.
Adultery is one of the most terrible "facts of life" in contemporary America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV many of which are just soft-core pornography you might get the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be right.
How many people have affairs? That's hard to say because not everybody will answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners basically agrees.
Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.
Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery.
While 90 percent admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50 percent say that President Bill Clinton's morals are "about the same as the average married man." While 35 percent think that adultery should be a crime, 61 percent think it shouldn't.
Having an affair simply doesn't carry the social stigma that it once did.
According to Playboy magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow through on those libidinous impulses.
Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.
But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet pornography.
Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are related to pornography.
According to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, "approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet." And while 76 percent of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing adultery, only 41 percent of men do.
Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people, and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.
What's more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.
Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.
There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a marriage really is.
Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a temporary social contract between two people.
True marriage is a solemn covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.
The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.
It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor's spouse.
If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are married.
Welcome to the old fashioned club.
I couldn't imagine making a promise, "in front of God" then breaking it on a stupid whim.
No, I get the point, I just think it's stupid.
Look, generally speaking, people have affairs for one reason: people like sex. Sex is fun, it's exciting, and it feels good. People like new things, and that hasn't changed since people have started walking this earth. People are programmed to procreate. We are programmed for sex.
The Internet hasn't made the fantasy easier; people had imaginations before the Internet. Before the Internet, if a man saw an attractive woman in a short skirt or whatever, he still had "illict fantasies." That's just the way it is. After all, even if you want to think that the Internet is "responsible," illicit sex doesn't just magically appear on your computer screen--you have to seek it out, and that idea has to come from somewhere--and that somewhere is the mind of the person who had that fantasy or thought before ever logging on.
Clinton legacy ping
I have a friend whose husband first got into internet porn. Then he met someone online in a porn site. Now, he's asked my friend for a divorce.
I think internet porn is very addictive, and it just makes it easier to find someone else who is also into the same thing.
My poor friend had to be tested for STDs, and she has 2 small kids. I feel very sorry for her.
Whoops, illicit, rather. You knew that.
The problem is what you say is that the success of failure of the marriage rests on good, pro marriage behavior by both parties. A partner could go into the marriage as you say, and then just really screw up at a later juncture.
Look at this scenario: a good guy can be very respectful and sincere with a woman who doesn't want to have sex right away. He is patient and suportive, and they build a good relationship, get married, and enjoy a good emotional and physical relationship after that.
A guy can swoop in and seduce the woman in a matter of a couple of hours. A floozie can swoop in and seduce the man in a matter of a few minutes. That's not to say the decision to cheat is excusable, but it does happen. What's left is what the two parties (not one or the other) decide to do.
Sometimes the cheated-upon spouse's hands are not clean, either. While not a cheater, they might have alienated their spouse in some way that helped them fall to temptation swifter.
My standard advice for dealing with a cheating galpal or spouse is to leave them. I have a very utility-based argument for that, too, if anyone wants to know.
Heh, heh. And I for one would pay good money to know who the other party was. Was it Beulah Bondi...or Marjorie Main? Go Jimmah go! Steal that kiss, you Don Juan, you! Pucker up, peanut boy!
If I was going to marry a rich guy, I'd have no problem signing a reasonable prenup. I would probably insist on it.
Haven't you ever heard of the Limbaugh Doctrine?????
Always!
Adulterers often don't approve of what they do, but they still do it.
Also, these stats often treat a brief dalliance (sometimes caught before it gets too physical) as an 'affair.' While they can say that 1/2 of men and 1/3 of women have had affairs, I bet a good number are situations like that, or one-time events that the party is regretful of. It's probably not accurate to say that those numbers of spouses are chronic cheaters.
That's not to say it's notably less damaging to a marriage. It is to throw some water on the idea that many many people are cheating most of the time.
Careful with that analogy-somebody might mention that flashlight that you pick up & shake back and forth a few times, and those batteries get charged up just fine;)
Same here!
Mine would read
"I keep the John Deere Riding Mower, all the animals, my colllection of copper pots AND my grannies chamber pot!"
Oh yeah, and my camel collection is off limits.
There wouldn't be adultery if women would quit playing games when it's time to do the nitty-gritty, complaining about "headaches" or that their favorite character died on the soap opera.
"Heh, heh. And I for one would pay good money to know who the other party was. Was it Beulah Bondi...or Marjorie Main? Go Jimmah go! Steal that kiss, you Don Juan, you! Pucker up, peanut boy!"
Jeez, what a great reply. I forgot Marjorie Main--Ma and Paw Kettle, I loved them. I hope Jimmy didn't have his eye on that cute little thing that kept coming after him...the killer wabbit.
The problem is that in most cases, the decision often seems like a really good idea at the time.
Hey guy, how do you know my wife????
{;o)
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