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Does anybody know how to cook a turkey?
self | 11-24-2005 | self

Posted on 11/24/2005 6:04:43 AM PST by Gordon Pym

When I opened the turkey there was no instruction book


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: 1800takeout; cook; cz; doomed; finetimetoask; lastminute; rsvpnothanks; turkey
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To: HairOfTheDog

Yeah I know ;o)


141 posted on 11/24/2005 9:11:06 AM PST by cyborg (I'm on the 24 plan having the best day ever.)
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To: Gordon Pym

Go buy a ham. Ham recipe:

1. Buy an eight sided Farmer John canned ham
(octaham).
2. Place skillet on high heat until it is glowing red
or until smoke alarms go off.
3. Remove ham from can keeping gelatin intact.
4. Place ham in skillet on one of the eight sides
and fry until side black and gelatin has
vaporized.
5. Rotate ham 22.5 degrees. Repeat until all
facets are blackened and all gelatin is
in the ionosphere. Caution: overcooking can
harm the ozone.
6. Enjoy!!


142 posted on 11/24/2005 9:16:36 AM PST by 12chachacha
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To: nevergore

"There is no hope.... Just go kill yourself now...."


We're Doomed!


143 posted on 11/24/2005 9:24:30 AM PST by cowtowney
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To: Gordon Pym

144 posted on 11/24/2005 9:30:13 AM PST by ChefKeith ( If Diplomacy worked, then we would be sitting here talking...)
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To: CindyDawg

You think he put WHAT in the oven!?!?!?

Oh my...


145 posted on 11/24/2005 9:55:56 AM PST by lepton ("It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into"--Jonathan Swift)
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To: Gordon Pym
When I opened the turkey there was no instruction book

Pardon my ignorance, but how does one "open" a turkey?
146 posted on 11/24/2005 10:03:47 AM PST by HHKrepublican_2 (OP Spread the Truth)
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To: Gordon Pym
Perhaps there's a CD inside with the instructions in a .pdf file.

But seriously...

Try Googleing "turkey recipe".

147 posted on 11/24/2005 10:07:57 AM PST by Redcloak (We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singin' "whiskey for my men and beer for my horses!")
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To: lepton

Ok. It was just a joke guys. I eat very little meat and I'm not mean to animals:')


148 posted on 11/24/2005 10:08:28 AM PST by CindyDawg
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To: AZRepublican; dennisw; El Gato
You'll want to have your home insurance policy in your back pocket which I assume covers fire hazards if you follow this recipe. If you don't make it out, toasting your policy won't matter.
;-)
149 posted on 11/24/2005 10:40:58 AM PST by Tunehead54 (Nothing funny here ;-)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

LOL


150 posted on 11/24/2005 11:09:24 AM PST by fanfan (" The liberal party is not corrupt " Prime Minister Paul Martin)
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To: Gordon Pym
Here's the simplest recipe I know of:

Turkey & Dressing Supreme

151 posted on 11/24/2005 11:13:22 AM PST by ru4liberty (Ann fan no more)
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To: Gordon Pym

Stuff it with popcorn and roast at 325* until it blows it's arse off!


152 posted on 11/24/2005 11:18:44 AM PST by Domestic Church (AMDG...)
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To: queenkathy
and where to stick the thermometer

Does your Husband really want you to answer that question?

153 posted on 11/24/2005 11:28:52 AM PST by fanfan (" The liberal party is not corrupt " Prime Minister Paul Martin)
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To: Gordon Pym
You might try this boys for a little advice on cooking turkeys

Hot time at the Turkey Cook

154 posted on 11/24/2005 11:32:28 AM PST by deport
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To: Gordon Pym

I like the white meat inside a sausage McMuffin myself.


155 posted on 11/24/2005 11:37:39 AM PST by afnamvet
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To: fanfan

HAHA...Guess what!!! He had the timer on Celsius! Not Fahrenheit!!!!!!!!...Our turkey was done and he was waiting..it said 83c...and it was 192F...


156 posted on 11/24/2005 1:21:04 PM PST by queenkathy (My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice)
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To: Bear_Slayer

LOL


157 posted on 11/24/2005 1:45:39 PM PST by saveliberty (Conservativism - the commitment to live within your own means and to take care of yourself & family)
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To: Gordon Pym
Does anybody know how to cook a turkey?

What do you mean, an African or European turkey?

-PJ

158 posted on 11/24/2005 1:50:59 PM PST by Political Junkie Too (It's still not safe to vote Democrat.)
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To: queenkathy

LOL!

So will you now tell him where to stick the thermometer?


159 posted on 11/24/2005 1:57:19 PM PST by fanfan (" The liberal party is not corrupt " Prime Minister Paul Martin)
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To: All
150+ replies and no one mentions brining? I have to assume that this is due to the lateness of the request... the only way to prep turkey is to soak the thawed bird in a salt water solution (with whatever seasonings you desire) for at least 6 hours prior to cooking.
160 posted on 11/24/2005 2:09:05 PM PST by kevkrom (Thank you... I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress. (And try the veal!))
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