Posted on 11/29/2005 11:07:09 PM PST by smoothsailing
COMMENTARY
White House to Host First Non Offensive Christmas
By Political Satirist Chris Davis
Nov 30, 2005
Washington—Besieged by legal troubles, conservative Christians, militant minutemen and dwindling support for the war, the White House has decided to host the first non offensive Christmas this year.
The decision reportedly came after the polls showed that Americans no longer showed support for the war in Iraq and on terror. America's dissent, followed by Democrats demanding an immediate withdrawal, drove the final nail to the end of the White House Christmas. This year, according to Laura Bush, things are going to be different.
"This just hasn't been the most wonderful time of the year," said First Lady Laura Bush. "So, we're going to essentially skip Christmas for a whole new season. The new theme is going to be 'Winter Gray.' We just can't afford to offend anyone this time of the year. Many advocates have supported representing all religions, but that would only offend people that don't subscribe to a certain religion, and we can't have that either.
Besides, winter is all about gray, bleak days. We were going to do 'all things bright and beautiful,' but the polls don't lie. There just isn't a better time to change themes."
The first steps have begun, according to Mrs. Bush, sending all green trees back to the factory to be flocked in gray and renamed Winter Solstice Trees. The decorations will consist of round, plastic bulbs, we're told, so as not to be harmful to children in any way, and too large to be swallowed. No lights will be put on the trees. Instead, the trees will be strung with gray twine, knotted together to show the harmony of peace.
More decorations are said to include plastic ornaments in the shapes of parallelograms, decagons and dodecagons, all with the edges trimmed so as not to be too aggressive. The top of the trees are to be adorned with a reshaped star that is not representative of any religion, and repainted gray to fit the winter solstice theme.
"You can't say enough about this," claimed Mrs. Bush. "Seeing the White House all decked out in gray sends chills down my spine."
Not to be outdone, the White House has changed its Christmas parties to winter celebration parties. The hors d'oeuvres served at each party will be vanilla wafers and rice cakes. The cocktails are mentioned as being downgraded from punch—which has been known to be fattening—to bottled water and Tab.
The sudden move to a change in Christmas themes has left many pundits confused and many pundits happy. "You've got to hand it to Mrs. Bush," stated Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. "This is a bold move that's long overdue for this administration. I think this is a tradition all Americans can follow."
"I think the bottle water is a bit much," said Sen. Ted Kennedy. "But as long as we keep Christ…I mean religion out of Christmas, we can all have a Happy Winter Solstice."
"I think it's a bit much," noted Sen. John McCain, R-AZ. "But you really can't blame Mrs. Bush for reaching out to Middle America. This is the kind of tradition that the average American would understand and celebrate."
"I can't believe Mrs. Bush is doing this," fired Pat Robertson. "She knows that Christmas is about the birth of Christ. This is ridiculous. And she calls herself a Methodist. I'd sure hate to be in her shoes."
As the advent of the Christmas season begins, political correctness fills the air. The gloomy forecast that hangs over the White House has forced them to make a change in the once, great traditions of Christmas. As the workers go to work, the White House is filled with excitement about what is sure to be a hit in Washington and in the nation with the first non offensive Christmas.
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Political Satirist Chris Davis is the author of Elective Decisions and In Defense of Liberty, two political thrillers from the Whiskey Creek Press.
© Copyright by NationalLedger.com
*chuckle* Funny. :-)
The Lord is my strength and my shield, in Him my heart trusts; so I am helped, and my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.
psalm 28:7 (RSV)
With best wishes for a holiday season of hope and happiness.
Signed: George Bush Laura Bush
I had my eight year old daughter open the card and read it. Her eyes got pretty big when I told her to see who signed it! (And she even made out George's signature!)
Hilarious! Marvelous satire.
I think it's worth looking at the rest of that Psalm in the Christmas card, especially verses 2-5.
"So, we're going to essentially skip Christmas for a whole new season. The new theme is going to be 'Winter Gray.'
Bah! Ooobleck on thee!
-- Dr. Seuss.
;^)
Verse 9 is worth reading as well. ;*)
Ah, heck, don't leave out verse 1!
Ping
Ping!
ROFLMAO!! Very good Chris!!!
I love you.
BAH HUMBUG!!!!!!!!
Merry Christmas, except where prohibited by law!
The only thing funny about this is that it rings of truth for the weak kneed backstabbing elitist ass kissing Bushs.
Did you tell her that GW believes that Allah and Christ are the same, in a spiritual sense, and that Islam according to the WH is "the religion of peace" ?
What do you do for your next trick?
Ping!
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