Get ready for the next Russian revolution

MOSCOW - Russians could suffer a shortage of their national tipple next week because a bureaucratic mix-up has brought every vodka distillery in the country to a halt, producers said Friday.

Distillers have been waiting since Jan. 1 for tax authorities to send them new excise stamps — the anti-counterfeit stickers that by law must be attached to every bottle of vodka.

“We are selling vodka left over from last year, but those stocks are getting smaller all the time,” said Vera Bragina, a spokeswoman for Russia’s Smirnov Trading House.

“The situation is pretty much under control, but if in the next week or so (we do not receive the stamps) then there will be problems,” she added. “There is a threat (to supplies).”

The average Russian consumes 14 liters of alcohol a year — most of it in the form of neat vodka, consumed in the traditional style by draining the glass in one gulp.

The stamp act It is illegal to produce or sell vodka without an excise stamp that corresponds to the year in which it was produced.

New excise rules that came into force on Jan. 1 led to confusion among officials about the procedure for issuing new stamps to distillers.

Because of that, no new stamps left the Federal Tax Service’s warehouses until Jan. 31 — a month late. But by Friday some vodka producers had still not received them.

“We ... do not have the new excise stamps at the factory,” said Bragina. “There is talk that maybe by Monday they will get the stamps but we have heard that before.”

There have been no vodka shortages in shops because producers have used their reserves to keep them supplied.

Russian Alcohol Group, which has about 5 percent of the Russian spirits market, said one of its two factories had taken delivery of the excise stamps.

‘The warehouse will be empty’ But the other, the Topaz plant near Moscow, had not received the stamps, said group spokeswoman Zhanna Oleinik. “At Topaz we have almost nothing left in terms of spirits. On Wednesday we expect to run out. The warehouse will be empty,” she said.

Russia’s state-owned vodka conglomerate Rosspirtprom said some — though not all — of the more than 100 factories under its control had received the excise stamps.

“We hope that by the start of next week the situation will be back to normal,” said spokesman Dmitry Dobrov.

Alcohol has been a central part of Russian culture for centuries. Legend has it that 11th century Russian ruler Vladimir said: “Russia’s mirth is drinking. We cannot live without it.”

When former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev introduced strict limits on vodka sales in the 1980s to combat rampant alcoholism, some people turned to drinking eau de cologne.

Smirnov vodka has no connection to the Smirnoff brand owned by drinks giant Diageo.

Well, and here is a bit on the topic from "Moscow-Petushki" by Venedikt Erofeev:
"So, write down the recipe of "Canaan balsam". The life is given to man only once, and one should live it so as not to mistake the recipes:
Denatured alcohol 100 gms
Dark beer 200 gms
Purified wood lacquer 100 gms
And so, now you have "Canaan balsam" (people call it "brown-black bitch") - the liquid of brownish-black color, with moderate strength and strong aroma. It is not an aroma, it is an anthem. An anthem of democratic youth. Precisely so, because those who have drunk this cocktail become vulgar and overcome by dark forces. How many times I've observed it!
To avoid these dark forces, there are two ways: first, don't drink "Canaan balsam". And second, drink instead of it the "Geneva Spirit". It doesn't have a drop of nobility, but it has the flavor. You'll ask me: what is the secret of this flavor? I'll answer: I do not know. Then you'll think and ask: what's the answer to the riddle? And the answer is that the cologne "White Lilac", one of "Geneva Spirit" components, shall not be substituted by anything, neither by "Jasmine", nor by "Shipr", nor by "Silver Lily".
"There are no equivalents among the components" - as the old alchemists used to say, and they knew what they were talking about. "Silver Lily" is not "White Lilac" even in moral aspect, to say nothing about the bouquets.
"Lily", for example, stimulates the mind, worries the consciousness, and strengthens the discipline. "White Lilac", to the contrary, calms down the consciousness and reconciles one with one's life...
With me it was like this: I drank a whole bottle of "Silver Lily", and I was sitting and crying. Why was I crying?- Because I remembered my Mom, I remembered and could not forget my Mom. "Mom"- I said. And I cried. And again: "Mom" - and again cried. Another, more stupid person, would be still sitting and crying. But me? I took a bottle of "White Lilac" and drank it. And wouldn't you know - tears dried, stupid laughter overcame me, and as for the Mom - I forgot even her name. And so, I laugh at people who, while preparing "Geneva Spirit", add "Silver Lily" to the medication against sweaty feet!
Listen to the recipe:
"White Lilac" 50 gms
The medication against sweaty feet 50 gms
Zhigulevskoye beer 200 gms
Alcohol-based lacquer 150 gms
But if a man does not want to trample the earth needlessly, he should send to hell both "Canaan balsam" and "Geneva Spirit". He'd better sit down and mix himself a "Young communist girl's tear". This cocktail is smelly and strange. Why it is smelly, you'll learn later. At first I'll explain why it's strange.
A person drinking simple vodka either preserves both the sound mind and the good memory or loses both. But with the "Young communist girl's tear" it's outright funny - when one drinks 100 grams of that "tear", the memory remains good, but there's no trace of sound mind. After 100 more grams one is surprised: where did all this sound mind come from? And where did all good memory go?
Even the recipe of the "tear" is fragrant. And from the prepared cocktail, from its aroma, one can faint for a minute. I, for example, fainted.
Lavender 15 gms
Verbena 15 gms
"Forest Water" 30 gms
Nail polish 2 gms
Tooth elixir 150 gms
Lemonade 150 gms
This mixture should for twenty minutes be stirred with honeysuckle branch. Some people say that if necessary, the honeysuckle can be substituted by convolvulus. This is erroneous and criminal. You can cut me to pieces, but you won't force me to stir "Young communist girl's tear" with convolvulus - I'll stir it with honeysuckle. I break my sides with laughter when in my presence somebody stirs the "Young communist girl's tear" with convolvulus and not with honeysuckle...
But enough about the "tear". Now I offer you the last and the best. "The end of work is better than all prizes" - as the poet said. I offer you the cocktail "Bitch's Guts" - the drink eclipsing everything. What is the most beautiful thing in the world? - The struggle for the liberation of mankind . And this is even more beautiful (write it down):
Zhigulevskoye beer 100 gms
Shampoo "Sadko" 30 gms
Anti-dandruff medication "Resol" 70 gms
Medication against sweaty feet 30 gms
Desinsectal for extermination of small insects 20 gms
This mixture is for one week kept over cigar tobacco and is then served...
I received some letters where the readers recommended filtering the tincture thus obtained. Those corrections and additions spring from weak imagination and lack of fantasy - that's where these stupid corrections come from...
And so, "Bitch's Gut" is served. Drink it with the appearance of the first star, by large gulps. After only two glasses of this cocktail one becomes so spirited that you can come close and for the whole half an hour spit in his face from five feet - and he wouldn’t say anything to you."

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