Born in defiance (Andrew Bolt)

A mother-to-be was advised by her doctor to "terminate that fetus". She refused and later gave birth to "a perfect little boy".

TWO brave women reminded me this week of what we lose in this terrible cult of the perfect child.

A Melbourne woman, let's call her Mary, this week wrote to me after reading in my book of the abortion of a girl just two months from birth.

Something about that case reminded Mary of her own pregnancy. For legal reasons I won't say just what, or give her real name or that of the doctor involved.

Mary writes that in 1994 she fell pregnant, and was so sick that she had an ultrasound at 10 weeks to find out what was wrong.

It was only then she learned she was carrying twins. But the second baby was very small.

"This meant the baby was likely to have gross abnormalities because although it's normal for twins to differ in size late in pregnancy and after birth, in early pregnancy they should be exactly the same size to be normal.

"'You mean kill the baby?' I replied, at which he got a bit upset with me and asked me not to use such language!"

As Mary learned: "One or more babies in the womb are injected in the head with saline, which kills them, and they are then left dead in the womb until the healthy baby or babies are delivered.

"This is sometimes done because of abnormalities, but is also routinely done for mothers who simply don't want twins, triplets or quads.

"How parents of healthy babies choose which will live and which will die, and how a mother lies on a table while a saline needle is inserted in her stomach to kill one of her babies is beyond me, but apparently this is normal.

"He was not only blase about what he proposed to do, he was even eager to do it – and he was quite forthright about his belief that any baby with even a suspicion of abnormality, or indeed any baby the parents simply did not want, should be dispatched forthwith.

"He was keen to perform this procedure on me as soon as possible, without any further testing of any kind.

"I even remember him reminding me that I was not being fair to my other larger twin if I did not allow him to kill the smaller one. This was because I was already at risk of premature birth."

Mary says she's sure the doctor thought he was being professional and he was right to tell her her options.

"I'm university educated and am a pretty strong woman with a good marriage – so together, my husband and I found the strength (although it wasn't easy at the time in an emotional state) to resist the doctor's recommendations and stall for time...

"How do single women, or women intimidated by the medical profession, or emotionally fragile women, or women with poor family support resist the eagerness that some in the medical profession have to solve what they simply see as a 'problem'?"

Mary and her husband, after much agonising, agreed to an amniocentesis test to check that the smaller twin really was deformed.

"I still remember lying on the table waiting to have this test, arguing with the doctor as he stood over me, huge needle in hand, as he tried to convince me to have the amnio test done on both babies rather than just one – 'because you may as well now that you're here'.

"This from a man who knew that the risk of miscarriage after an amniocentesis is about 1 per cent for a single pregnancy and up to 5 per cent for twins. He still wanted to double the risk – to ensure that we didn't bring any handicapped babies into the world.

"We managed to resist this pressure and only had the amnio on the smaller baby, although I will regret until the day I die even agreeing to this, as I nearly miscarried the following day."

M ARY concludes: "I have a result sheet issued by the doctor from my 10-week ultrasound on which are written the words, 'fetus 2 not viable'.

"I like to compare this document with the child it refers to – now an 11-year-old, funny, sensitive, gifted, football-playing, blues-guitar-addicted, satin-skinned and perfect little boy, our son."

She has sent me a photo of him in Port Douglas kissing a cane toad held by his grinning brother.

"It turned out that the only explanation there was for the boys' different sizes early in pregnancy was that they must have been conceived a week or two apart . . .

"I was not told that this could be a possible explanation until well after I was meant to have made a decision to inject my son Paul in the head with saline."

How many other women have been told – wrongly – they were carrying a damaged baby and have given in to urgings to have their healthy child killed?

This and other troubling aspects of our cult of the perfect baby are discussed in an intensely moving new book by Canberra writer Melinda Tankard Reist.

In Defiant Birth she presents the stories of women who refused to kill the babies in their womb they were warned were damaged, and gave birth months later to children of love.

Some of those children were healthy in every way. Others were not, but in Defiant Birth, Teresa Streckfuss, from country Victoria, tells why she was still right not to let her third child be killed.

She'd had an ultrasound at 18 weeks and remembers being sat down to hear a doctor say: "There is a problem with the baby's skull."

The boy she carried had anencephaly. He would die within days of birth, or sooner. Would she abort him?

"It was very clear to us. There was no choice other than to love our child. There was no easy way out . . . Our baby would die, but it would not be by our hand."

Says Teresa: "'We made up a little baby announcement which said, Mark and Teresa Streckfuss have been blessed with a new baby boy, Benedict Oliver. He is due on the 17th of July, 2001. A precious brother for Cecilia and Sebastian. Please pray for us as he has anencephaly and will not be with us long.

"We sent this out to family and friends in the month after diagnosis. It was very important to me that Benedict was not forgotten."

Benedict was born by caesarian section on Monday, 25 June, at 1.52pm, and lived for 24 hours and 13 minutes.

"I don't think I can possibly tell you how beautiful Benedict was, or how sweet he smelled, or how much I wish those hours were frozen in time. He was so alive!

"He cried out, made facial expressions, wriggled. It was hard being pinned down while they stitched me up I was so afraid he would die before I could hold and see him properly."

"The time we had with him was so precious. We marvelled at how perfect he was, his soft cheeks, his feet and hands, and his sweet little face. I have never smelled such a sweet scent as the smell of his skin . . .

"The theatre staff were wonderful – some of them cried, some prayed, some patted my head or my hands while Benedict was being born. I remember the anaesthetist saying, 'He's a little saint already now, isn't he? He's been baptised and confirmed – he's perfect."

Benedict had lots of visitors. He met his sister and brother, Cecilia and Sebastian, and his grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and godmother.

"After about 10pm we had him to ourselves. We were so very, very tired, but we didn't want to sleep; we didn't want to miss what time we had left with him. We both sang to him and Mark read to him, but mainly we just held him and loved him." By morning Benedict started to tremble with seizures. At 2.05pm he gently died.

Cries Teresa: "You may wonder at me referring to Benedict as beautiful and perfect when he had anencephaly, which is an obvious physical defect, but he was beautiful and perfect and every cute baby description you could think of – he was my son!

"I don't love Cecilia and Sebastian because they're healthy; I love them because they are my children. I miss him so much . . ."

Teresa says this was both the most painful experience she's endured, and probably the most beautiful.

"Benedict spent his whole life in the arms of people who loved him; who could ask for a better life?"

My sister was told to abort her only child because they said she was too small and therefore something was very wrong with her. My sister was horrified and scared but would never abort her child. She changed doctors and had a beautiful baby girl who was as perfect as a child can be. She is the bright shining star of the family. She excels in many things and is as healthy as can be. Thank God my sister did not do as the doctor said but the doctor did create much unnecessary worry for her.

Good friends of ours had a very similar experience that turned out just about the same as Benedict's story.

Their daughter lived three days and they were able to take her home for awhile.

Even after they had rejected strong suggestions that they kill the baby prenatally, a nurse proposed that they leave their "defective" baby at the hospital to die.

Pro-Life/Pro-Baby ping!

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Oh my gosh. I am at work and it is all I can do not to cry. I cannot imagine what Mark and Teresa Streckfuss went through. But they are wonderful people.

Doctors frighten me. When the time comes for my husband and me to have children, I am hoping to have a midwife.

That needed a tissue warning!

At my 18 week ultrasound the doctor informed us that my dear, sweet son was very small. Fortunately everything else looked good and we were not offered the choice to abort (which I would never, ever do). He was born two months early and weighed only two pounds, but he was perfect. I can't imagine being pressured to abort by a doctor. I would quickly find another. It was bad enough being told by the doctor that the fetus is a good parasite and will get the nutrients that it needed to grow even though there were problems with the placenta. I think he even threw in some evolution nonsense too. Ugh.

God bless those parents who continue a pregnancy knowing that the child won't live long after the birth. I would do the same so that I could spend time with the child before God called him/her home.

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