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Brothers of the unpopped question
St. Petersburg Times ^ | April 25, 2006 | LEONORA LAPETER with Matthew Waite and researcher Angie Drobnic Holan

Posted on 04/25/2006 6:38:23 AM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife

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To: Banjoguy

You're half right. So really, how's the air up there?


51 posted on 04/25/2006 8:33:22 AM PDT by Huck
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To: Graybeard58
Wasn't hard for me, I've been married to her for a long time now.

How sweet, greetings and congratulations to you Graybeard :~D

Happily married too, and my marriage came later than the average. There is hope :~D

Good luck to all who are still looking.

52 posted on 04/25/2006 8:35:58 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog
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To: speedy

Thanks for the jokes... They provide some smiles before we get to the really bitter people who will come along soon enough to a thread like this :~D


53 posted on 04/25/2006 8:37:15 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog
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To: lastchance
I told her forget that, marry a plumber... ...Course if she was really smart she would become a plumber.

Indeed... :~D

54 posted on 04/25/2006 8:38:40 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog
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To: bert
Why buy a cow when the milk is sour?

Why suffer a man who compares you to a cow?

55 posted on 04/25/2006 8:39:52 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog
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To: Cincinatus' Wife
Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist from the University of Washington and a relationship expert on PerfectMatch.com, says men who have never married in these older age ranges fall into two opposite groups....obese or rich, handsome and picky.

Obviously this relationship expert needs to get out more.

I'll say the reason I am not married and never will be is because I just can't stand being around people for any length of time.

56 posted on 04/25/2006 8:45:46 AM PDT by CzarNicky (The problem with bad ideas is that they seemed like good ideas at the time.)
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To: Cincinatus' Wife

Interestingly enough, there are a few people in my office not married and we got into a discussion about why and some say that they don't want to go to any more funerals than they have too. They said that I might have to go to my wife's funeral and even worse go to one of my three kids funerals. They said that they would not want to feel that kind of pain. I thought yieks. I pray I go first...so selfish of me, but isn't that interesting that people feel that way. No wonder people are not marrying to afraid of losing people.


57 posted on 04/25/2006 9:00:11 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: napscoordinator

"I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance"~Garth Brooks

I've gone to some very sad funerals, but none so sad that I wished I'd never known the person.


58 posted on 04/25/2006 9:09:07 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog
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To: Huck
Right, obviously anyone who doesn't find a suitable mate is an immature jerk.

I made no such statement or generalization. Those words came from you. I get the distinct feeling my comment hit you where you live. Feeling negelcted are we?

59 posted on 04/25/2006 9:16:51 AM PDT by Banjoguy (I refuse to 'Google' anything at anytime.)
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To: lastchance
"Also how many of the never married are children of divorced parents? And how many significant others on the average to these people have throughout their dating lifetime?"
__________________________

I'm thinking the same thing.

Traditions existed for good reason, like find a nice girl and get married.
60 posted on 04/25/2006 9:17:56 AM PDT by wmfights (Lead, Follow, or Get Out Of The WAY!)
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To: HairOfTheDog

I've gone to some very sad funerals, but none so sad that I wished I'd never known the person.


True point. I could not imagine not having my wife and children and God is in charge so we really don't know what will happen. Thirty years with someone is better than none. I would imagine six months with someone is better than none also.


61 posted on 04/25/2006 9:20:20 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: CzarNicky
I'll say the reason I am not married and never will be is because I just can't stand being around people for any length of time.

LOL! Seriously, part of the issue is that the longer you're single, the more set in your ways you become, and the less likely you are to change your ways to accommodate a new lifestyle.

My wife and I married (only marriage for both) in our mid-late thirties. By then, we both had careers, had our own things, and we were both used to doing what we wanted without needing anyone else's buy-in or blessing.

After we tied the knot, I didn't think we'd make it a year. That first six months was misery. Then, we gradually knocked the rough edges off each other, laid down some groundrules as to how we'd live our lives, and worked things out. It wasn't easy, but we survived it.

I love my wife, and I know she loves me. But we both agree on one thing: If anything should ever happen to one of us, the other would NEVER consider marrying again.

62 posted on 04/25/2006 9:22:25 AM PDT by TontoKowalski
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To: GladesGuru
"Apropos of the "Russian bride" syndrome - given the overtly Marxist and femiNazi atmosphere at American institutes of higher education, it ironic that American males find Russian women to be less Marxist/femiNazi than the American women who have been through the American education system."
____________________________________

Also, by the time the women wake up that they are following a dead ideology the train has already left the station. IOW, the "good" guys have found a nice girl and settled down.
63 posted on 04/25/2006 9:22:35 AM PDT by wmfights (Lead, Follow, or Get Out Of The WAY!)
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To: Banjoguy
I made no such statement or generalization.

Liar, liar, pants on fire:

That's because it's all about them and what their infantile wants.

There's the generalization right there. As for me, my cup runneth over, but just keep it up with your ASSumptions. Certainly proves the old saying is true.

64 posted on 04/25/2006 9:23:12 AM PDT by Huck
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To: speedy
"My wife met me at the front door and told me I was going to take her to the most expensive place to eat in town. So I took her to the airport for a hot dog."

rimshot

"Thankyou, thankyou, you'reawonnerful audience, don't forget to tip your servers, and hurry back!"

65 posted on 04/25/2006 9:31:02 AM PDT by Jonah Hex ("How'd you get that scar, mister?" "Nicked myself shaving.")
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To: wmfights
IOW, the "good" guys have found a nice girl and settled down.

I don't think I agree with everything you've said, but the point of American men looking elsewhere for brides isn't a new story.

Back in the early days of my Navy career, it was pretty common for men to actively seek and court Oriental/Island women, affectionately (and probably bigot-like) referred to as "rice-burners." Many men found the concept of marrying a "corn-eater" unfathonable.

In general, their attitutudes toward American women could be summed up as "not worth putting up with." That was well over 20 years ago. So the Russian bride syndrome isn't anything new.

66 posted on 04/25/2006 9:31:22 AM PDT by TontoKowalski
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To: TontoKowalski
"In general, their attitutudes toward American women could be summed up as "not worth putting up with." That was well over 20 years ago. So the Russian bride syndrome isn't anything new."
____________________________________

It seems that the process is accelerating and that is what is drawing attention to it. I suspect that women who are the children of immigrants, or are immigrants themselves, are probably more conservative in their view towards lifestyles than women who are products of the "modern" culture.
67 posted on 04/25/2006 9:47:07 AM PDT by wmfights (Lead, Follow, or Get Out Of The WAY!)
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To: TontoKowalski
"In general, their attitutudes toward American women could be summed up as "not worth putting up with." "

I thought by this time this thread would have several hundred posts, with some of the usual suspects hurling invectives with abandon, while avoiding the issue which your above statement points out.
Heck, ask an American female in an unguarded moment about what she thinks about how her counterparts act and she isn't all that glowing in the report. Granted, this anectdotal from my experience. Additionally, some of those females who I've had this conversation with then run out and engage in the same behavior they just disparaged.

It appears that the marriage strike is growing. There are other instances of your stereotypical 30 year old living in his parent's basement, but I think that is much less the problem than the fact that the current environment is fairly hostile to men when a relationship goes bad. This is made worse by a legal system that originally was formed to help women based on an older set of values, but then hijacked by opportunists who have turned it into a way to punish men just because of their gender.

If compared to a casino in Vegas, would you dare want to gamble there, knowing that the odds are highly stacked against you?

68 posted on 04/25/2006 11:15:49 AM PDT by Tench_Coxe
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To: riverdawg
...... The lesson to be learned from our experience is "don't paint yourself into a little corner; it can be very lonely there."

Words of wisdom.

69 posted on 04/25/2006 12:04:57 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: napscoordinator
.....No wonder people are not marrying to afraid of losing people.

In the 70's people were talking about not wanting to bring children into this world. I think they didn't care enough to help out the world or put effort into rearing children who would be an asset to humanity. A lot of those types are still around.

70 posted on 04/25/2006 12:08:19 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: Tench_Coxe
I've talked with 30 somethings and they don't know how to talk to each other. They're afraid of each other. They're afraid of making a mistake. They're timid, and awkward around each other when it comes to thinking about commitment. They don't know how to act like a couple. It's horrible to see.
71 posted on 04/25/2006 12:13:43 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: Cincinatus' Wife

I dunno, meeting women isn't hard.. meeting a woman to marry is probably a bit tougher, but frankly if one isn't looking to get married (which it sounds like most of these guys aren't or weren't) one is very likely not to ever be.

Yes, "modern" american women, a lot of em can be superficial and frankly basket cases when it comes to expectations in a long term relationship... but not all.

I meet women all the time, I am happily married, so I'm not looking for a wife, but I'd say about 50% of those I spend any time with that I have met would certainly be on the "possible" list if I was looking.. the other 50% are either too self absorbed, to superficial, to selfish, or have personality or world views that I know from experience would clash to hard with my own to be successful, or while nice gals, have unrealistic expectations from relationships, or are still in their flighty stage, not going to settle down... or never will.... and yes, some just don't understand men at all... and expect men to be women... and that just ain't gonna happen.

I know that honestly, if I found myself trapped in midtown manhattan and had to find a bride, I'd probably be going after the first or second generation immigrants... they still have some sense about them when it comes to the relationship between men and women... and not fully corrupted by consumerism and greed... and frankly haven't been with everyone and their brother during the "wild days" and now want to settle down.


72 posted on 04/25/2006 12:16:25 PM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: CzarNicky
I'll say the reason I am not married and never will be is because I just can't stand being around people for any length of time.

Then you are kind not to involve someone else. Bravo to you.

73 posted on 04/25/2006 12:18:09 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: HamiltonJay

Bump!

But there are good, kind, sensible, loving American women too, as well as American men.


74 posted on 04/25/2006 12:21:29 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: Cincinatus' Wife

Oh I know... they are out there, finding them in a dense urban setting is a rather difficult task.... which is what my last paragraph is about. Far easier to find in more rural areas in my experience.


75 posted on 04/25/2006 12:25:30 PM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: HamiltonJay

That certainly true.


76 posted on 04/25/2006 12:39:14 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: flada
I merely said that he's selfish. You'll be hard-pressed to find a value judgement in that at all.

No, actually you said:

More likely: I'm selfish and unwilling to compromise even on minor things.

"Merely" would mean "and unwilling to compromise even on minor things" didn't follow "I'm selfish." No one is hard pressed to find a value judgment there. What are you, a wannabe lawyer?

77 posted on 04/25/2006 1:42:08 PM PDT by gogeo (The /sarc tag is a form of training wheels for those unable to discern intellectual subtlety.)
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To: Tench_Coxe
If compared to a casino in Vegas, would you dare want to gamble there, knowing that the odds are highly stacked against you?

...and that you were literally "betting the farm?"

78 posted on 04/25/2006 1:48:25 PM PDT by gogeo (The /sarc tag is a form of training wheels for those unable to discern intellectual subtlety.)
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To: Cincinatus' Wife
Words of wisdom.

Indeed.

79 posted on 04/25/2006 1:49:00 PM PDT by gogeo (The /sarc tag is a form of training wheels for those unable to discern intellectual subtlety.)
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To: napscoordinator
No wonder people are not marrying to afraid of losing people.

Just my opinion...
More likely, it is fear of the other ways that a person can
"lose someone".

I can't remember who said it, but this sounds appropriate:
"Of all the ways to lose someone, often death is the least cruel."

(I suspect this might have been said in the days before medical
technology could keep a husk of a human alive for decades...)
80 posted on 04/25/2006 2:00:47 PM PDT by VOA
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To: HairOfTheDog

Okay, just getting back on here. Thanks for your kind words, HOTD. I agree, bitterness is in bad taste except in the most extreme circumstances!


81 posted on 04/25/2006 3:00:35 PM PDT by speedy
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To: Cincinatus' Wife
Many are struggling with modern American women

If this is an example of the typical 'modern' American man-eater...err...I mean 'woman'...it's no wonder they're saying "no thanks" and heading for tropical climes.


82 posted on 04/25/2006 3:13:06 PM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (I can't complain...but sometimes I still do.)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

Well, on first glance she's kind of yucky.


83 posted on 04/25/2006 3:16:37 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: Cincinatus' Wife
Well, on first glance she's kind of yucky.

She is the most recently fired "Apprentice".
She is a shallow, egotistical know-it-all excuse for a human being. I cheered last night when she got axed.
If you don't watch the show, there is no way I could acurately describe her to you.

84 posted on 04/25/2006 3:20:22 PM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (I can't complain...but sometimes I still do.)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

I'm glad I missed it.


Today I made dinner for a neighbor who had a very bad thing happen to her.

Tonight think she knows there are still good people.

We all need to know there are so many good people, of all sexes and colors and nationalities.


85 posted on 04/25/2006 3:25:35 PM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
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To: Cincinatus' Wife
Good for you.
We put our best foot forward when we help others and show them they are cared for.

My prayers to your neighbor.

86 posted on 04/25/2006 3:32:13 PM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (I can't complain...but sometimes I still do.)
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To: gogeo
Noting someone's unwillingness to compromise is hardly a value judgement either, and although it doesn't necessarily follow selfishness, it does [most likely] follow an inability to find a compatible mate in 30+ years of looking. Considering he admits to having looked for that long (for how could he have "not found" something he hadn't been looking for), and with the huge pool of eligible single women from which to choose--it seems like a reasonable assessment.

I'll disregard the ad hominem aspect of your reply (assuming comparing one to a lawyer is a negative thing in your book--for all I know you intended no value judgement either :-P ).

Have a beautiful day.

87 posted on 04/25/2006 4:00:13 PM PDT by flada (Posting in a manner reminiscent of Jen-gis Kahn.)
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To: wmfights

...bias towards women in the educational system....

&&
Lie propagated by feminists.


88 posted on 04/25/2006 5:35:53 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Never trust Democrats with national security.)
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To: speedy

I didn't know what happiness was until I got married. But then it was too late.

(This was a favorite of my late father-in-law. God rest his soul.)


89 posted on 04/25/2006 5:39:21 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Never trust Democrats with national security.)
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To: napscoordinator

...they don't want to go to any more funerals than they have too.

&&
What a ridiculous reason.
I think they must really mean that they don't want to have an intimate relationship with anyone.


90 posted on 04/25/2006 5:46:42 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Never trust Democrats with national security.)
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To: Bigg Red

Good one, Bigg Redd. Another one from Henny -- Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.


91 posted on 04/25/2006 7:45:00 PM PDT by speedy
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

I don't watch the show, however from enough of office politics I already have a good idea of what she is like. I would probably be risking termination on grounds of sexual harassment in the workplace by merely saying good morning to her (yes, I have run into those types). That's why women in the workplace (or even in the same engineering profession) are absolutely off limits for me. BTW, the workplace includes bicycle racing, thanks to the policy of USA Cycling (that's right folks, bicycle racing is a job, not a hobby, according to certain executives in USAC.)


92 posted on 04/26/2006 5:20:39 AM PDT by Fred Hayek (Liberalism is a mental disorder)
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To: speedy

LOL!

Another one from my beloved late father-in-law, which he used on the occasion of his 60th wedding anniversary:

I've been happily married for 25 years. Of course, I've been married for 60 years....

He got many of his jokes from a record (records?) that he used to listen to on his mother's gramophone. (He would have been 93 next month.) He had the timing down just right, too.


93 posted on 04/26/2006 9:57:23 AM PDT by Bigg Red (Never trust Democrats with national security.)
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To: Bigg Red

Good one. We always remember with extra fondness the people who made us laugh. Okay, just one more of Henny's oft-repeated ones: A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.


94 posted on 04/26/2006 10:08:23 AM PDT by speedy
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To: Graybeard58
"It's hard to find the right woman,"

That's one of the dumbest observations, you are right. There is no shortage of attractive, nice women available for long term relationships. Guys who sing this tune just aren't trying, or they don't really want it.

95 posted on 04/26/2006 10:10:24 AM PDT by HitmanLV (Don't stomp so hard! Your dentures will fall out!!)
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To: Banjoguy
That's because it's all about them and what their infantile wants.

That's certainly a part of it, but there is no reason to dismiss male wants out of hand at infantile. Men have more freedom and choice when it comes to a female companion, and are exercising that choice. While selfishness as an obstacle to a long term, successful relationship is present in both men and women, that's not to say that most expectations of men and women are necessarily invalid.

96 posted on 04/26/2006 10:14:43 AM PDT by HitmanLV (Don't stomp so hard! Your dentures will fall out!!)
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To: Cincinatus' Wife
I've talked with 30 somethings and they don't know how to talk to each other. They're afraid of each other. They're afraid of making a mistake. They're timid, and awkward around each other when it comes to thinking about commitment.

I agree. I work almost exclusively with young 20s graduate students and most of the people I know are between early 20s and early 40s. I have described these folks as a remarkable combination of exaggerated (if shallow) self esteem combined with almost no self confidence or self assurance. Its a strange mix and creates a lot of people who just can't cope with things very well (notwithstanding good careers or academic credentials.

One question I often ask young women in particular (but I get the same response from men) is after they tell me how aggressive and dedicated they are about success, "I know what I want, and I'm going to get it," I ask them nicely "so what do you want?"

Invariably I get a 'deer caught in the headlights' look, and they get confused and begin to stammer. They really have no idea what they want or how they are going to get it, but that doesn't stop them from boldly announcing their dedication and life goals. It's really very comical.

I think people approach their love lives similarly: they think they know what they want but really haven't given it much thought. They are quick to talk in catch phrases and slogans, but when called on it, they are stunned and almost incoherent.

I laugh.

97 posted on 04/26/2006 10:26:24 AM PDT by HitmanLV (Don't stomp so hard! Your dentures will fall out!!)
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To: HamiltonJay

I have no idea what the guys who lament how difficult it is to find attractive and available women are talking about. it's never been easier to find an attractive companion.


98 posted on 04/26/2006 10:28:05 AM PDT by HitmanLV (Don't stomp so hard! Your dentures will fall out!!)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

Who's the chick? She doesn't impress me at attractive at all. Almost mannish.


99 posted on 04/26/2006 10:29:27 AM PDT by HitmanLV (Don't stomp so hard! Your dentures will fall out!!)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts
She is the most recently fired "Apprentice".

Thanks. From her picture and your description, she reminds me of 100s of women I worked with in a few nyc law firms.

The thing I used to like about these women is that they have cultivated a world view that they don't have good men in their lives because men are somehow 'intimidated' by them.

Yep, if by 'intimidated' you mean 'we took a look, and rejected you.' :-)

100 posted on 04/26/2006 10:31:37 AM PDT by HitmanLV (Don't stomp so hard! Your dentures will fall out!!)
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