[Hildy]

when the bill comes, you also ALWAYS insist -- even if everybody ordered basically the same thing -- on figuring out your EXACT share (''Well, I had the Diet Sprite, which is 10 cents less than the iced tea. ...'' ); and then you decide that a 5 percent tip is adequate, thereby forcing your friends, who are embarrassed, to put in more money.

Listen carefully to what I am about to tell you. Put your ear right down to the page: YOUR FRIENDS HATE IT WHEN YOU STIFF THE WAITER. IF THE SERVICE IS OK, YOU SHOULD TIP 15 PERCENT. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TIP, THEN DON'T EAT AT RESTAURANTS.

This is the only one that really makes me crazy.

[longtermmemmory]

Barry is dead wrong about the handicap spots. Many people I know have mobility issues which don't take a wheelchair or cane.

Knee replacements, heart conditions, or any other number of issues may justify not being able to walk all over the place.

Judgmental BS without knowing the facts can make dave just as much a jerk as those he assumes to be jerks. It must be a low creativity day.

[cobaltblu]

Addition... people who let their dogs roam unattended off their leashes. You may have a perfectly friendly dog; but my dog (on a leash,) may try to kick your dog's butt.

[solzhenitsyn]

Thanks, that was wonderful!

[Riley]

Also, if, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, all right? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.

Agreed. I've been known to point this out to people who think I can't hear them if they're more than six inches away. Unless you're female and I'm clearly interested, back the F off. It's annoying as hell.

[Joann37]

"Also, you should never, ever, no matter what, butt in front of people waiting in line without asking their permission..."

Someone should show this to the proponents of giving amnesty to the illegals. It's a very basic concept.

[advance_copy]

People stand in public door ways while they look in their bag or have a conversation or answer their cell phone or whatever, they're the real jerks. Oh, and DemocRATS, they're jerks too.

[sgtbono2002]

There are a lot of jerks who ride Harleys. There are a lot of Jerks who drive automobiles. there are jerks in Congress and probably a few jerk doctors.

We cant assign jerk status to only Motorcyclists.

I tip good in restaurants, but I dont feel it is an essential. If I go with a group and I dont tip its because the service sucked. Dont chip in more to make up for me. Dont put up anything. Bad service doesnt deserve a tip.

I also have been to restaurants with the jerk who orders Drinks, a Steak with Lobster and dessert and wants me , who had a chef salad and Tea to split the tab evenly with him.

[OldSmaj]

Thank you, and I apologize for using so many capital letters. I can be a real jerk about that.

Could you also apologize for being an anal retentive, whiny, liberal, warm and fuzzy, kumbayah-chanting, HACK?

What an ass.

Never did like the idiot.

[nuconvert]

OKay, I'll add one to the jerk list....

People who wait until the cashier totals up their order and THEN start making out the check and THEN need to balance their checkbook.

[nuconvert]

Pong

[Psycho_Bunny]

I estimate the one-in-a-thousand person who thinks that a loud Harley is "cool" is the bozo who's on it.

The other 999 people wish that guy would ride the Harley into a wall.

[Lady Jag]

[The Unknown Nobody]

Dave Barry is usually witty and sarcastically funny. This article was a complete waste of my time. No plot, no point, just contrived whining about his ability to "have a consummate thought at the penning of this article", disguised as his thoughts about contrived and ceonceived jerks based on a few personal experiences.

I hate "jerks" who waste my time. But then again I don't blame him as I did force myself to finish the article.

[SamAdams76]

Perhaps you, too, have experienced an assault of Harley-revving; and perhaps you have asked yourself: Why do these people DO this? What possible reason could they have for causing so much discomfort to those around them? As it happens, there IS a reason, and it is an excellent one: They're jerks.

Whatever the reason is, it's probably the same reason teen-age kids drive around in cars with windows down and rap music blasting so loud from the speakers that local geographical institutes record seismic activity. I would go along with the reason being that they are just jerks.

[maine-iac7]

you're TOO CLOSE, all right? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.

Wanna have a fun time? Next time you're in a restaurant with someone, quietly and slowly, while in conversation, start pushing or putting things, like the salt/pepper shakers, the posy vase, etc - over the halfway line onto their side of the table.

Watch them start to fidget and get more and more uncomfortable - You are 'intruding' on their invisible demarcation line ...it's called "territorial imperatives" -

[Trajan88]

Here's one... fat slob/slobette (and I'm not talking about little kids) standing at the ice/soda dispenser having to add that extra 1/20 oz. to their cup. Add a little soda, slurp up the foam, add a little more soda, slurp up the foam... until until ~40 seconds go by.

Damn people, there's a bottomless supply of high fructose corn syrup... fill up your cup and sit your tail down so we can get ice for tea.

[VoiceOfBruck]

People who insist on running others' meetings

People who stop the whole street full of cars behind them to let the attractive young woman turn in

Waiters/waitresses who "accidentally" overcharge

People who conspicuously hand street people money

People who put 3 weeks' worth of luggage in the overhead bin

Don't get me started!

[RinAZ2005]

All I've got to say is I sure as hell am glad I'm not a jerk!!!

[uncitizen]

Also, you should never, ever, no matter what, butt in front of people waiting in line without asking their permission.

For a slightly different take on this one, i hate it when a person in a long line gives the OK for another person to cut in front of them. Don't they realize they just gave cuts on behalf of everybody behind them? Those people are JERKS.