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Seattle's single moms find strength in one another ( Liberals in a Blue State )
Seattle Post-Intelligencer ^ | May 13, 2006 | PAUL NYHAN

Posted on 05/13/2006 3:19:35 PM PDT by george76

Randi Anderson knew she was on her own the day her son was born 22 months ago when she drove herself to the hospital.

Long before Anderson pulled up to Swedish Medical Center, her film-school boyfriend was gone.

Twenty hours after she arrived at the hospital, she joined the growing ranks of single mothers.

It is a group that often feels isolated, suffers higher-than-normal rates of depression and believes it carries a stigma in a culture that celebrates marriage.

"I certainly feel like it's written across my face," Anderson, 34, said.

"We've been told it's not OK to be a single mom."

Mother's Day is increasingly celebrated without fathers in this country.

In 2004, 36 percent of all births were to unmarried women, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports, even as the teenage pregnancy rate fell...

Anderson's decision created obstacles many couples don't face -- two fewer hands to change diapers, feed the baby and give baths -- she used her experiences to create a new resource for Seattle's single mothers.

Sunday, Anderson will celebrate Mother's Day with other single moms at a potluck brunch, marking the six-month anniversary of the support group, Single2Mother, an online community that she founded.

The group represents one of a few private efforts to help single mothers, whose numbers jumped from 3 million in 1970 to 10 million in 2000.

(Excerpt) Read more at seattlepi.nwsource.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: boyfriend; day; filmschool; filmschoolboyfriend; mom; motherhood; mothers; mothersday; single; singlemom; singlemothers; sluts
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1 posted on 05/13/2006 3:19:38 PM PDT by george76
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To: george76
her film-school boyfriend was gone

Not exactly the model of male responsibility here.

2 posted on 05/13/2006 3:22:03 PM PDT by Disambiguator (Unfettered gun ownership is the highest expression of civil rights.)
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To: george76
It is a group that often feels isolated, suffers higher-than-normal rates of depression and believes it carries a stigma in a culture that celebrates marriage.

Yes, it's *society's* fault that she feels isolated, not the "film school" loser she chose to get preggers with. < sigh >

3 posted on 05/13/2006 3:22:13 PM PDT by Tall_Texan (I wish a political party would come along that thinks like I do.)
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To: george76

I believe that Seattle leads the USA in white, single motherhood.

And, there are mothers getting child support from boyfriends that are not the fathers of the child. In Washington, if your girlfriend with 2 kids moves in; and you allow it. If she stays for 30 days, then moves out; you may get hit with child-support even though the child is not 'yours'.

The way the courts intpret this, is when she moved in; you agreed to provide for the children. So, when she moved out; she gets to take a chunk of your paycheck until the kids are 18. There are instances of each child brining in 4 separate child-support payments; from unfortunate guys who thought they had a real relationship.

Ah, Liberalism ..... and people wonder why men do not want relationships.


4 posted on 05/13/2006 3:24:20 PM PDT by Hodar (With Rights, come Responsibilities. Don't assume one, without assuming the other.)
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To: george76
"We've been told it's not OK to be a single mom."

Clearly she's not listening!

5 posted on 05/13/2006 3:24:29 PM PDT by Drango (No electrons were harmed in this posting. Several however, were inconvenienced.)
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To: george76

I know a number of women who have started off as single moms and then found a husband later. It needn't be a lifestyle. Besides the fact that there are single moms and there are single moms. Ones that got into that situation through unfortunate choices or circumstances but then made the best of it. And others who are welfare leeches and negligent parents. It's impossible to generalize.


6 posted on 05/13/2006 3:24:50 PM PDT by blueminnesota
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To: george76
It is a group that often feels isolated, suffers higher-than-normal rates of depression and believes it carries a stigma in a culture that celebrates marriage.

I am like SEW ashamed of my inconsiderate attitude that two people who pledge a commitment to one another and who seek to join their wills in a sacrificial covenant which can provide a secure and healthful environment in which children can grow assured of love and security (run on sentence alert!) is a good thing.

If I were more open-minded I would see that joining bodies without joining hearts and producing children with no thought for their health and well-being is JUST as GOOD, and possibly even BETTER than marriage because it shows a more independent and unconventional spirit.

I'm sorry you silly twit. We will try to help and to support women in your situation because we're reluctant to throw people overboard. But, guess what. You did a damn silly thing, as did the SOB who impregnated you. There SHOULD be a stigma attached to this.

grrrrr!

7 posted on 05/13/2006 3:27:14 PM PDT by Mad Dawg (If you find yourself in a fair fight, you did not prepare properly.)
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To: sionnsar

( Liberals in a Blue State )


8 posted on 05/13/2006 3:29:19 PM PDT by george76 (Ward Churchill : Fake Indian, Fake Scholarship, and Fake Art)
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To: george76

These feminazis represent the end of our society as we know it. Their kiddies will grow up to be RATs like their moms. Tie this to the stagnation of our schools and to millions of Spanish speaking illegals and we have political and societal chaos.


9 posted on 05/13/2006 3:30:00 PM PDT by Paulus Invictus
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To: george76

There used to be a name for girls who couldn't keep their knees together.


10 posted on 05/13/2006 3:33:33 PM PDT by digger48
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To: digger48

Horseback riders?


11 posted on 05/13/2006 3:38:07 PM PDT by Andyman (God loves you just the way you are . . . but too much to leave you that way.)
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To: george76
a culture that celebrates marriage

With no significant exceptions that I'm aware of, all cultures throughout history have celebrated marriage.

For the very simple reason that cultures which don't tend to collapse and disappear (or by conquered by cultures that do).

Anywho, I'd appreciate an example of a culture that was indifferent to marriage or that approved of "single motherhood." I suspect ours is more accepting of her situation than any other in history, and here she is complaining about oppression.

Just like the feminists. Most equality for women in history, and they spend all their time whining about the patriarchy.

12 posted on 05/13/2006 3:38:18 PM PDT by Restorer
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To: digger48

Randi is a whore who lacks self-respect just like all the other women indulging in "shack up" relationships.

She reaps what she sows.


13 posted on 05/13/2006 3:38:56 PM PDT by Emmet Fitzhume (Mohammed received his inspiration from Satan. Read 2 Corinthians 11:14 for more information.)
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To: george76

It's not ideal, by any means. But it's better than killing the kid, which is the socially accepted thing to do.


14 posted on 05/13/2006 3:41:51 PM PDT by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: Disambiguator
Not exactly the model of male responsibility here.

Aren't you forgetting female responsibility? Why did she get pregnant with a man with which she wasn't married?

15 posted on 05/13/2006 3:44:09 PM PDT by Paleo Conservative
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To: Disambiguator

Adoption was always an option for her.
As Dr Laura says, it's best for the child to have an intact two parent home.


16 posted on 05/13/2006 3:44:22 PM PDT by bordergal
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To: Andyman

In high school in northern Virginia, it was said there were two kinds of girls: those who liked horses, and those who liked boys.


17 posted on 05/13/2006 3:45:44 PM PDT by elcid1970
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To: Cicero

Well, she would avoid being called a "whore" if she killed it.


18 posted on 05/13/2006 3:45:47 PM PDT by blueminnesota
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To: blueminnesota
I know a number of women who have started off as single moms and then found a husband later. It needn't be a lifestyle. Besides the fact that there are single moms and there are single moms. Ones that got into that situation through unfortunate choices or circumstances but then made the best of it. And others who are welfare leeches and negligent parents. It's impossible to generalize.

This is FR you're talking about. Generalization and ill will and insults toward anyone not inside our little bubble is the way it is.
19 posted on 05/13/2006 3:48:00 PM PDT by Conservative til I die
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To: Emmet Fitzhume
Randi is a whore who lacks self-respect just like all the other women indulging in "shack up" relationships.

What a wonderful thing to say. Let me guess, you consider yourself Christian?
20 posted on 05/13/2006 3:48:55 PM PDT by Conservative til I die
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To: Conservative til I die

*Sigh*....that's too often true.


21 posted on 05/13/2006 3:49:23 PM PDT by blueminnesota
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To: Emmet Fitzhume
whore who lacks self-respect

What respect you have for women. Your mother must be proud of what a gentleman she raised.

22 posted on 05/13/2006 3:52:14 PM PDT by technochick99 ( Firearm of choice: Sig Sauer....)
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To: Conservative til I die

Societal rejects are tearing this great nation apart.

Don't get personal.


23 posted on 05/13/2006 3:53:54 PM PDT by Emmet Fitzhume (Mohammed received his inspiration from Satan. Read 2 Corinthians 11:14 for more information.)
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To: technochick99

If you lay down with dogs...


24 posted on 05/13/2006 3:54:33 PM PDT by Emmet Fitzhume (Mohammed received his inspiration from Satan. Read 2 Corinthians 11:14 for more information.)
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To: Tall_Texan

She coould have had an abortion.


25 posted on 05/13/2006 3:56:00 PM PDT by ShandaLear (Gringos Unite!!!)
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To: technochick99

Respect is earned.


26 posted on 05/13/2006 3:57:24 PM PDT by stands2reason ("Patriotism is the highest form of dissent." - Mark Steyn)
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To: digger48
Yes, if only there were a word for boys who can't keep it in their pants until they've said the vows. Oh, wait. There are -- stud, chip off the old block, Ladies Man, Don Juan....

Are we ever going to get past the double-standard, men who want their daughters to remain virgins, but their sons, they give a wink and a nudge?

Frankly, I see a lot of the responsibility in the man's court. Be fathers to your daughters, so they don't go looking for love elsewhere. Show them what it's like to be valued, respected and treated like a lady, so that they expect no less from their future mate. Demonstrate your own high moral standards by refusing to put yourself in compromising situations with a woman who is not your wife. Teach your sons that chastity is not just for women. Be men, and exercise self-control.

If you can't do those things, then don't you dare start hurling invectives at the women. There has never been a whore, slut or harlot who became one on her own.

27 posted on 05/13/2006 3:57:44 PM PDT by Chanticleer (Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point. Lewis)
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To: Mad Dawg

YEAH! Ever think of making a nest before you bring new life into the world?? Oh no, it's us mean married people that are stigmatizing you. uh huh. What you feel is a natural guilt that you didn't provide the best for your child.


28 posted on 05/13/2006 3:58:10 PM PDT by Shimmer128 (I've seen the village, I don't want it raising my children)
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To: ShandaLear

She could have given the baby up for adoption as well.


29 posted on 05/13/2006 3:58:31 PM PDT by stands2reason ("Patriotism is the highest form of dissent." - Mark Steyn)
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To: Disambiguator
"It is a group that often feels isolated, suffers higher-than-normal rates of depression and believes it carries a stigma in a culture that celebrates marriage."

Gee. I wonder why.

"Not exactly the model of male responsibility here."

Or female either.

30 posted on 05/13/2006 4:00:23 PM PDT by Savage Beast (The Spirit of Flight 93 is the Spirit of America!)
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To: george76
"Anderson's decision created obstacles many couples don't face -- two fewer hands to change diapers, feed the baby and give baths --"

Note that code word for her "choice" to not have an abortion. The idiot liberal who wrote this piece probably asked her if she considered abortion, but couldn't say directly that she considered her "choices" before deciding to have the baby instead of killing it.

31 posted on 05/13/2006 4:01:27 PM PDT by tom h
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To: Paulus Invictus
These feminazis represent the end of our society as we know it. Their kiddies will grow up to be RATs like their moms.

Or they could grow up to be the exact opposite.

32 posted on 05/13/2006 4:03:06 PM PDT by grundle
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To: george76
Hey, I've got an idea! What about getting married married? Then have children???

Betcha never thought of that, huh!

33 posted on 05/13/2006 4:03:14 PM PDT by Savage Beast (The Spirit of Flight 93 is the Spirit of America!)
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To: Emmet Fitzhume
Randi is a whore who lacks self-respect just like all the other women indulging in "shack up" relationships.

She reaps what she sows.

You're exactly right. Unfortunately, her child is going to suffer for what she did, so instead of feeling sorry for herself and the other "single moms" she should feel sorry for her son, and the children born to these women. From the looks of her son, he's biracial too, which is going to make it ever more difficult for him.

What she did was very selfish, to say the least! There are still some of us with morals who abstain from shacking up. It's not easy sometimes, so you just do what I did. Move to the country and stay away from temptation! LOL If they don't know you're there, they won't come knocking. :o)

34 posted on 05/13/2006 4:03:17 PM PDT by NRA2BFree (NO GUEST WORKER PLAN! IT IS REALLY AMNESTY, SHAMNESTY OR SCAMNESTY - IT IS THE SELL OUT OF AMERICA!!)
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To: george76

What woman needs strength from others when she showed no lack of power during the hip thrusting competition?


35 posted on 05/13/2006 4:04:42 PM PDT by Socratic ("I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa.")
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To: Chanticleer

your words, not mine


36 posted on 05/13/2006 4:05:43 PM PDT by digger48
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To: digger48
There used to be a name for girls who couldn't keep their knees together.

There still is, but now they have it printed across the front of their T-shirts. Because it it is wrong to judge, generalize, or mention morality.

37 posted on 05/13/2006 4:06:47 PM PDT by SandwicheGuy (*The butter acts as a lubricant and speeds up the CPU*)
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To: Chanticleer

FWIW.... I raised (on my own for 16 years) the only 2 children I ever sired in this life.

Both my children, Boy 25, girl 21, are both single and CHILDLESS, by their own choice.

So yes, under your terms, I do have standing.


38 posted on 05/13/2006 4:11:36 PM PDT by digger48
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To: blueminnesota
I know a number of women who have started off as single moms and then found a husband later.

My wife, for one.

39 posted on 05/13/2006 4:13:13 PM PDT by Celtjew Libertarian
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Comment #40 Removed by Moderator

To: SandwicheGuy; digger48

I have no problem with morality. I have a problem with false morality -- of men who are quick to attach names to a woman, but fail to recognize or emphasize the equal moral failure of the man.


41 posted on 05/13/2006 4:14:08 PM PDT by Chanticleer (Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point. Lewis)
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To: Conservative til I die
Randi is a whore who lacks self-respect just like all the other women indulging in "shack up" relationships. ...... What a wonderful thing to say. Let me guess, you consider yourself Christian?

So there you are, happily mouthing platitudes with not a clue when along comes that mean ole' truth like a dash of cold water in the face and you can only squeal about being Christian... Did I get that right? Not having consequences for bad behaviour engenders more bad behavior and you are an enabler if you believe that. Think, man, think, about the conseqences of such thoughts before you speak.

42 posted on 05/13/2006 4:21:27 PM PDT by SandwicheGuy (*The butter acts as a lubricant and speeds up the CPU*)
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To: Emmet Fitzhume
She reaps what she sows.

When my wife was single and got pregnant, her oldest sister and brother-in-law, who are pro-life activists, were worried she was going to have an abortion. When she said she wasn't, they told her that the baby would be a blessing to her.

They were right. My step-daughter is now an incredible, self-sufficient young adult. My wife went on to marry me -- and I like to think I'm a decent husband -- and to have our son.

So it looks like my wife's sister was right. Whatever my wife may have sowed, as a single mother, she reaped a blessing.

43 posted on 05/13/2006 4:23:40 PM PDT by Celtjew Libertarian
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To: SandwicheGuy

See #43.


44 posted on 05/13/2006 4:24:29 PM PDT by Celtjew Libertarian
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To: george76

"I certainly feel like it's written across my face," Anderson, 34, said.

"We've been told it's not OK to be a single mom."

If she aborted the baby and wore it around her neck, she would be treated as a hero in Seattle.


45 posted on 05/13/2006 4:28:15 PM PDT by LA Conservative (Al Gore in 2008 - The gift that keeps on giving)
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To: Chanticleer
Are we ever going to get past the double-standard, men who want their daughters to remain virgins, but their sons, they give a wink and a nudge?

Well, I'm not a betting man but usually I go with the fastest and the biggest. So in this case I'll go with a couple of million years of evolution and go with 'Not in your lifetime, or mine, or any of my descendants.' Two generations of FemLib does even make a punctuation mark in this story. Best to get over it.

46 posted on 05/13/2006 4:28:33 PM PDT by SandwicheGuy (*The butter acts as a lubricant and speeds up the CPU*)
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To: digger48
I am glad you raised your children. It was certainly your responsibility, as it is the responsibility of every parent. Your children are single and childless -- that proves nothing one way or another about morality. There's always birth control and abortion. It may prove you have taught them good sense. But what was your complaint... that the girls didn't keep their legs together, or that they didn't use protection?

If you are Christian, read the John 8. The woman was "caught in the act of adultery," which means the man was also caught, but the Pharisees neglected to bring him along to be accused. By law, both were guilty of adultery.

If every man, who desired to hurl the words slut and whore at a woman like the stones of the Pharisees, looked at their own lives, their own thoughts, their own chastity, they would each drop the stones like the Pharisees did.

We should recognize that the men in these women's lives share at least an equal part of the blame, if blame is to be assigned.

47 posted on 05/13/2006 4:30:53 PM PDT by Chanticleer (Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point. Lewis)
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To: Chanticleer
We should recognize that the men in these women's lives share at least an equal part of the blame, if blame is to be assigned.

Especially those men who knock their girlfriends up and then haul ass out of town.

48 posted on 05/13/2006 4:37:12 PM PDT by EveningStar
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To: Chanticleer

Please don't presume that abortion is an option in my world. Or my childrens.


49 posted on 05/13/2006 4:37:59 PM PDT by digger48
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To: Chanticleer
I have no problem with morality. I have a problem with false morality -- of men who are quick to attach names to a woman, but fail to recognize or emphasize the equal moral failure of the man.

I respect your opinion, but it does not matter. Next time you take a shower, take a long, contemplative look and ground yourself, Men and women are different. Vive la difference, but you cannot gloss over that. We live with we have and set outselves up for failure when we strive for what we cannot obtain, even if it was worth it.

50 posted on 05/13/2006 4:39:37 PM PDT by SandwicheGuy (*The butter acts as a lubricant and speeds up the CPU*)
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