Posted on 05/23/2006 7:27:22 PM PDT by dighton
Iowahawk Guest Commentary
by Jesse Macbeth
Iraq War Veterans Against Google
Breakfast Shift Associate, Wendys of Tacoma
.
As a decorated combat veteran of Bush's Iraq misadventure, I am all too familiar with the saying "the first casualty of war is truth." Because this administration sold us a war of empire on a double stack combo of lies, biggie sized them, and served them up with extra mustard. And I was there to see it, man.
My story starts in 2001. I was a sophomore at Mayfield High, a star athlete who was captain of the basketball, football, and track teams, and had singlehandly scored 200 home runs in one memorable wrestling meet against the Riverdale Archies. Obviously, this made me irresistable to girls, and I easily bagged the entire pom squad after winning my 4th straight state debate championship. No s**t dude, I totally taped the whole thing, but I left it in the VCR and my stupid mom recorded it over with an episode of Wheel of Fortune.
While my incredible athletic and sexual prowess earned me accolades on the field and in the sack, it also earned me many enemies in the halls of Mayfield High. An upperclassmen named Dawson became enraged after learning I completely wanged his girlfriend Stacey, who went into a jealous fit after she found out I also wanged her totally hot mom. Then I learned a senior named Bueller had sworn his revenge on me because I smoked his Ferrari with my 600 horsepower VTEC Civic, which does 180 mph in the quarter, easy.
The guy who played Bueller played Feynman in a movie ... 'no ordinary genius' don'tchaknow.
I have no interest in what anyone who begins with this, has to say. This thread needs a BARF Alert.
I may have spoken too soon. If so, sorry, didn't know it was a joke. Bad day. Request a forgive.
Suit yourself, but you might get a few laughs if you read it.
Here's a clue for you. The writer, Iowahawk, is a well known FReeper who writes satire.
Maybe I've lost my sense of humor with this kind of stuff. Takes all kinds to make a world I guess.
the DU has five threads on this?
Don't they know Iowahawk is a satire blog?
Don't tell me they never saw Ferris Bueller's day off...
Read carefully; I was joking.
Don't you know that was a satire post? ;)
"Sergeant Fury, the camp's shift manager, frequently praised my natural killer instincts and tidy uniform. "
I am suprised this fine specimen for a soldier wasn't asked to join Sgt. Fury's Howling Commandos.
LOLOL!!!
BTTT
Bump back at ya, and some pings.
Thanks a lot for the nightmare! :(
LOL My God that thing is scary...
The poser has a myspace account:
http://www.myspace.com/shadowhart
...
I'm here, too..... IowaHawk is the best!
Jesse Macbeth my eye ... obviously your real name is Wally Cleaver. Nice 'do, though I wonder if it doesn't get all mashed underneath your football helmet? 
(Great story, dighton, you is some janius!)
Mr. Rambo is getting a little snippy.
To prevent any misunderstanding out there, I am not Iowahawk, though I did lead the rout of Japan at Waterloo.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.