Skip to comments.South of the Boarders...
Posted on 05/28/2006 11:39:08 AM PDT by pickrell
After John Quincy Adams completed his Presidential term in 1828, he set a lonely precedent which has never been repeated since. He became the first and only U.S. President ever to subsequently take a seat in the House of Representatives after being the highest elected official of the land.
Certain wags whispered among themselves about what a 'step down' a former President was taking by agreeing to serve in the House. Addressing this minor scandal, Adams remarked, "No person could be degraded by serving the people as a Representative in Congress." Expanding thoughtfully on this, he added, "Nor, in my opinion, would an ex-President of the United States be degraded by serving as a selectman of his town, if elected thereto by the people."
Adams worried about a developing trend in thought that seemed to be sweeping Washington, in which Senators now considered themselves exalted far above Representatives, and fellow ex-Presidents considered themselves exalted above all. The most troubling part was that nearly every Federal 'servant of the people' considered himself too benighted to "stoop" to any local elected office, afterwards, among the lowly 'common people'.
Adams considered this a dangerous pattern of elitism to come. In many ways, John Quincy Adams was a very perceptive man.
In Ohio, in November, we will vote upon the question of incumbent Mike Dewine's return to the Senate. The fact that he has trod upon conservative aims on a regular basis, should be no impediment to his easy re-election. Once that Senate sword touched him lightly upon both shoulders and proclaimed, "Arise, Sir Mike..." his title and lands should therefore remain forever tenured and secure throughout the kingdom.
But let's just speculate- hypothetically, you understand-, that by some wild, million-to-one shot, some absolutely preposterous happenstance, that conservatives left the plantation temporarily, revoked their power-of-attorney to the Republican Party, and abruptly left Mr. Dewine to rework his resume in November.
He then would be in a position to apply for work on, say, the Columbus City Council; thereby repeating John Quincy Adam's marvelous re-connection to the people. And we all realize how connected to the people Mike Dewine really is, so it should be as much of a shoe-in as, say, re-election to the Senate.
I should help him by writing to him, not as a U.S. Senator, but, in a marvelous training exercise, as a newly elected, common city official in this average red-state of ours. And so we begin.
Dear Councilman Dewine;
I write to you with deep concern. And I know how you will leap- LEAP that is- to my aid as a citizen. It seems that I must move out of the neighborhood I have lived in for two decades. I have been voted out, you see.
It started several weeks ago when I astutely noticed that the two place settings I routinely place upon the table, since the boys have grown up and moved out, suddenly were insufficient to serve the eight persons crowded round the table. "Whrglt?" I inquired inarticulately.
Timmy, the neighborhood kid, who was standing in the back doorway, explained. "You have several extra bedrooms, and these folks, in their need, opened the gate in your back fence and have moved in. 'Each according to his need' as the old saw goes. They came for the work, you see."
"The work..." I prompted.
"Well," Timmy explained, "they are merely doing the lawn mowing that other people now refuse to do. It's a public service, really."
"But Timmy, YOU used to mow everyone's lawns. Where else can you earn money at 12 years of age?"
"Yes, I know," he reminisced. "My Dad, bless his soul, had sold me on that idea for a while... before my teachers at Trotsky Middle School set me straight. There is no way that a worker can earn a living wage doing menial 'George Bush economy' type jobs."
My head thunked on the table, narrowly missing my coffee cup. "Timmy, you're 12 years old. What kind of a mortage payment do you need to meet?"
"Well, it's a matter of laborer dignity, that's all, isn't it?. So, last week I incorporated the 'Sovereignty Landscaping Service'. And then, with the shortage of labor in this area, what choice did I have?"
"Let me guess-" the cynical thought emerged, "you then decided to pay them the George Bush menial wages, eh, while you rake off the cream on top?"
"Well, of course, " he seemed perplexed. "It's the prevailing wage, after all."
"But it was-" I stopped as the previous conversation slowly caught up and washed over me, "What do you mean, what...choice...did...you have... ?"
A dark cloud of suspicion wafted threateningly over the horizon.
"Well, I simply facilitated the growth of the local labor pool with that sign that I hung from your back fence, noting 'High wages paid, remarkable services available, inquire after dogs asleep in wee hours of morning'." He smiled proudly, "Initiative, that is!"
"YOU! You are the one who started all of this? I now have six people sleeping in my 2 spare bedrooms!"
"Well, in fairness, we couldn't humanely pack any more in the basement-"
"The BASEM-" mashed potatoes flew from my wife's mouth. "What...?"
"Well," Timmy explained reasonably, "With the sudden growth in demand, and the sudden impact on supply, I had to also incorporate the Hatchet Taxi Service, and needed the drivers from somewhere, eh?. We begin Monday servicing the metropolitan Columbus area."
"Timmy," I controlled my irritation,"The company I manage...provides taxi service already-"
"Yes," he examined the ceiling, "but with the loss of your offices and garage-"
"What loss of offices and garage? We haven't lost-"
"Oh," Timmy picked some imaginary lint from his sweater, "You probably haven't gotten the Eminent Domain notice yet. Mail is so unreliable isn't it? I may have to think about offering a competitive service, later." He smiled, "Anyway, it seems that the Hatchet Taxi Service brought a proposal before City Council, last week, that they could pay more property taxes and generate more revenue than your failing business...."
"Failing business? You little snot nosed-", but he neatly evaded my lunge towards him.
"It's just business- no need to get testy about it," he explained from an assured clear distance. "I've already explained to the neighbors and the City Council that, though it will eventully occur to you to build a stronger back fence, you will come around once the restraining order arrives."
I reached over to wipe off a spot of mashed potato from under my wife's nose, as she fought to clear her sinuses of Ore Ida/cheddar flavor. The tedious inevitability of it all soon gave way to curiousity, however, "What restraining order?"
"Well, obviously your neighbors to the south, across the remnants of your creaky old fence, will be highly offended at any move on your part to construct a stronger fence. It's just a matter of appearace, you see. The Council... and the judge... agreed that it would be insulting and intolerant."
Purple spots began appearing at the edges of my vision, as I failed to control my rage, "You idiots! My neighbors have pit bulls, land mines and guard towers across their back fence!"
"Well, yes," Timmy explained reasonably, "But you see- that's because they... are dealing with some opportunistic usurpers who think to claim squatters rights in a transparently shabby effort against their northern neighbors-" He effortlessly sidestepped the thrown plate. "Temper, temper. Besides, you have plenty of time to finish your meal."
"Plenty of time?" I ground out. "Before what?"
"Well, the majority of occupants within any jurisdiction- inside your house, you see-, can vote to 'adjust' the zoning laws against pets, and other undesirables. I think they came to the reluctant conclusion that you had insufficient tableware to conform to City Ordinances covering boarding houses-"
My eyes attempted to flee my head, "BOARDING HOUSES?"
"Yes, de facto, as well as otherwise. It seems you have been evicted." In an element of conciliation, he noted, "We already put your possessions on the bus, out in front. It was the humanitarian thing to do, really. No- don't thank me," he held his hands up as I fumbled for the gun-cabinet keys. "It's just the sort of thing that Responsible Business does, when seeing off the displaced to the re-education camps. Sorry, got to run, as they say."
His parting thoughts carried across the lawn, "I've authorized coupons for you, once you get re-settled. My Cincinnati branch will do your lawn up a treat, at very reasonable rates. If you get another lawn. Or need a taxi. Or would like your mail... "
Golly, Councilman Dewine, howdya figure you can help me now?
Things haven't changed.
Sounds like a good example vould be made of DeWine. Suggest that he straighten up for his past 5 years performance or he WILL be voted out. Remember, it's not a threat it's a promise.
BS! As long as he has an (R), he knows you'll vote for him! What choice is there after all? Problem really is that no conservatives challenged him, and if they did, bush a Rove would have immediately crapped upon him!!
"Adams worried about a developing trend in thought that seemed to be sweeping Washington, in which Senators now considered themselves exalted far above Representatives, and fellow ex-Presidents considered themselves exalted above all."
This guy was cool.
Excellent! Thats the way to go. Thank you for your service BTW. Take care!
I voted against my RINO six years ago. His 'Rat replacement voted against the Senate Amnesty plan in a transparent attempt to be reelected this year.
I like your tagline, but personally- I prefer the broiled crow magnan.
I dunno, I heard it's nothing to Cro about.
Bump (The essay to Dewine really deserves a wider reading).
If Timmy is our future we'll be seeing blue helmets far sooner than I expected.
Repeal the 17th amendment. Make the senators responsible to the state legislatures. That might be a start.
:-) Have a good memorial day!
The way I originally wrote it- I made it to the gun cabinet, there way a loud bang, and then, to tickle the memory of fans of the cancelled TV show 'Dinosaurs!', the announcer then chimed in, "...We're going to need another Timmy!"
My wife made me edit it out. She says my sense of humor is too brutal.
But if blue helmets ever show up in MY city, well...
"We're going to need another Gunther..."
Or my title: "Boys will be Boys but Blue Helmets Need a Choke-Leash"
Please learn how to spell border.
I'll type slowly. This... is... what... we... call... a... literary... device.
It... is... a... play... on... words.
The humor derives from the fact that the premise is ostensibly about illegal 'boarders' in the house, calling to mind to the reader (hopefully, though apparently not universally) the national debate about illegal aliens coming over our southern borders.
Not all humor appeals to all readers. This is why we have many people who post here, yielding a wide variety of material to read.