Posted on 06/18/2006 3:59:27 PM PDT by Past Your Eyes
Interesting. I guess I'm so old that all of that stuff must have happened after I was through college and propagating the human race. I had never heard of any church (except the Shakers) that didn't celebrate people getting married and babies being born.
That's a funny about whiskey wine and beer till you actually meet a "real man" who goes ballistic everytime he has some.
You should definitely stay single. It's pretty hard to improve on perfection.
You forgot the sidearm/long gun that's in the truck..
:-)
See #57 & #76.
Then I guess my wife and I and many other couples we know are highly unusual. I'm sorry about whatever experiences you've had to make you such a sour person, but things aren't nearly as bad as you paint them. I haven't needed a "mommy" since I left home for college (and yes, I've bought all my own underwear), but I HAVE had periods of illness when my wife had to "clean up my messes"--just as she has had similar periods when I had to do so. It goes with being married.
>I'm sorry about whatever experiences you've had to make you such a sour person,<
I'm not sour. I've just observed a lot, and seen people put up with some weird relationships. I knew two sisters who were married to men they hardly spoke to for decades, and after these men died, both sisters waxed nostalgic for how "good" their relationships were-AFTER one left her husband unmoving in a chair for a couple days with pneumonia (someone who stopped by called an ambulance) and the other initially told people the day the husband died was the happiest day of her life. Neither relationship was violent or verbally abusive.
I don't think either party is benefitted by such relationships.
Even more extremely, I know two coworkers (not relatives, and not close friends) who survived murder attempts by a fiance/husband.
There are worse states than being single, and one of them is being with someone who loathes you or might even try to kill you.
Of course that is true. Not everybody should be married and I don't think this writer or anybody else is making the claim that being in a bad marriage is better for your health than being single. For me, I grew up in a happy family, I'm in a happy marriage and I know as well as I'm sitting here typing that I am more healthy because of it than I would be if I were single. And the writer's point is that, for men, this is generally and statistically the case.
So what is there to argue about? I don't see anything.
Truth hurts, eh? No problem, I know you're just jealous. Maybe you should log off FR, get your fat butt out of the easy chair and go for a walk. Oh, and let go your death grip on that bag o' twinkies, lol.
I just happened upon this thread, but had to jump in and respond to your comment. A man in his late 80s at our church recently lost his wife of 60+ years. For the last twenty or so of those years, his wife had Parkinson's disease. He took care of this woman in his home for that whole time. I didn't meet him until his wife was almost completely bedridden and was no longer able to talk or feed herself. Words are not adequate to describe what it was like to be in his presence when he was taking care of his wife. At one point during our visit that first day, he put his wife into her wheelchair and brought her to the kitchen table with us. He put his arm around her and kissed her over and over and referred to her as his girlfriend. I had all I could do to keep my eyes dry. He let my young children give her her medicine through her feeding tube. We listened to him describe the kind of care he provided. He never slept in a bed. He slept (more like napped) outside her room in his armchair so that he could jump up whenever she needed him. He did this for years on end and never got a full night's sleep. He did have a visiting nurse who would come a few hours a week, but he refused to leave his wife even when the nurse was there.
I know that this isn't the norm, but I am glad I had the privelege (and so did my children) of seeing a man lovingly take care of his wife "in sickness and in health" and "to death do us part."
OK...I just reread your comment. It was about "healthy" wives. But, I think I'll leave my story there anyways. Something tells me that he was as good to her in health as he was in sickness.
And by the way, my husband and I are nothing like the husbands and wives you decribe, nor are any of the people in my circle of friends. Weird. :-)
>OK...I just reread your comment. It was about "healthy" wives. But, I think I'll leave my story there anyways. Something tells me that he was as good to her in health as he was in sickness.<
I knew a man whose wife had a stroke when they were in their late 20s. He took very good care of her.
But, I did say "healthy" wives. I have NEVER seen a husband take the kind of babying mommy-care of a wife that I have seen women do many times with otherwise healthy men. Or, as my former father in law would say, "LAURA forgot to pack a tie." Laura didn't wear ties, of course, he did, and she was supposed to take care of the trivial details for him. He supervised 30 people and had a doctorate in chemical engineering, but he wanted "mommy" to pack his ties. Isn't this beyond silly?
Well, it certainly isn't anything I'd do unless my husband asked me to. And I can't imagine him ever asking me to do it. I've never understood how anyone could pack for anyone else other than a child. Even my kids pack their own clothes once they're around eight years old or so. How would one member of a family know what another member of the family wants to wear? Maybe some people don't care what they wear. Beats me.
I guess I never thought of it as "mommying," though. I do know that some women do these things for their husbands out of love in much the same way that my husband does many silly things for me out of love. For many years he brought me a glass of juice while I was still in bed before he left for work. Was he mommying me? No, he was just being kind.
I do try not to belittle the way other couples handle their relationships. My husband and I are pretty non-traditional; I'm a stay-at-home mom, but my husband has always cleaned all the floors and bathrooms. He cooks many of the meals we eat, too. I'll never forget the time my parents dropped in on a Saturday morning not long after we got married and I was still in bed and my husband was cleaning the bathrooms. I was pretty embarrassed, but I believe that was the day he won my parents over, lol.
All that said, if another couple wants to run things in a way that seems strange to me, I try not to let it bug me if it works for them and they are both happy. Sometimes I boast (to my husband) that I've never made breakfast for him in the 21 years we've been married. But, then I sometimes think that it would be cool to do that because it would be a nice gesture and it would shock him. :-)
Candi
p.s. Now that I think of it, I knew a woman many years ago whose husband wouldn't even pour his milk on his cereal in the morning. His wife would put his bowl, cereal, silverware and milk container on the table at his place and once he came, he would wait for her to put the cereal in the bowl and pour the milk on it for him. I don't believe she fed it to him, though. I'll have to admit, *that* bugged me.
Nagging wives, and responsibilities of Fatherhood...
Kind of hard to get away with doing too many stupid things that could cost you your life after you have both of those in your corner.
That's because when you are in the dating stage, they want to go out and be seen.... you could serve gormet meals at home, every night and it wouldn't matter... they would still want to go out...
Get em preggers, and once there are a few rugrats in the picture being seen and going out to dinner regularly falls way down on the priority list.
Why do so many men die before their wives?
Because they want to.
You have just described my neighbor and his wife, except she had Alzheimer's. He cared for her exactly the same way. She died a couple years ago. He lived for a little more than a year afterwards. His work was done.
>he would wait for her to put the cereal in the bowl and pour the milk on it for him. I don't believe she fed it to him, though. I'll have to admit, *that* bugged me.<
This is the kind of absurdity I have in mind when I call it "mommying".
Kindness and consideration are not mommying (or daddying). Pouring the milk for an adult or being expected to pack a tie for a manager with a doctorate is mommying. Kindness and consideration make you both feel better about one another. Mommying (and daddying) ultimately will bring resentment.
LOL. I use to eat those things by the package-full.
Apologies for the snide reply (I am perfect, however ;)
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