Posted on 07/19/2006 1:38:34 PM PDT by Incorrigible
BY JAMES LILEKS
You can't call this the Arab-Israeli war of '06, since some of the usual belligerents have declined to participate. You could call it World War III, as Newt Gingrich has suggested, but that annoys everyone who wanted the Cold War to be WWIII, never mind that we got it out of the way without a nuclear swapmeet. You could call it the Israel-Hezbollah War, but that lets Syria and Iran off the hook.
So let's just call it Bush's Fault. At least that's what Howard Dean proposes. The energetic head of the Democratic National Committee had this to say:
"If you think what's going on in the Middle East today would be going on if the Democrats were in control, it wouldn't, because we would have worked day after day after day to make sure we didn't get where we are today. We would have had the moral authority that Bill Clinton had ... when he brought together the Israelis and the Palestinians."
Does Dean mean the Oslo accords? Clinton had been president less than a year. What's more, Norwegian diplomats did all the heavy lifting (specifically, suspending disbelief about Yasser Arafat's motives, which can throw your back out if you're not careful).
Does Dean mean the Camp David negotiations, which ended in the bloody second intifada? Details, details. Moral Authority, that's what counts. Doesn't stop wars, but it makes the bad guys look extra guilty. Ingrates!
This is not to underestimate Clinton's ability to make other diplomats feel good about themselves or to produce impressive pieces of paper. But Mr. Clinton, at least, is not running in 2008, and neither Al Gore nor John Kerry had Clinton's conspicuous gift for oleaginous empathy.
Then again, who knows? Perhaps Gore would have Moral Authority gushing out his ear if he'd become president and chosen to leave Saddam in power. No question Hezbollah would have been impressed -- perhaps enough to aim the rockets a little to the left, so they'd land on the outskirts of the playgrounds.
But the revealing moment in Dean's assertion was its touching faith in Talk and Work. President Gore or Kerry would have been working day after day after day on the issue. Nonstop! Sleeves rolled up, dinner at the desk: Make another pot of coffee, Mabel, this Golan Heights dispute won't solve itself.
This suggests the Democrats believe the difficulties of the Middle East have the weight and consequence of a tariff dispute. This suggests they don't understand that Hezbollah's definition of "disarm" is blowing off Israeli limbs.
Imagine a typical negotiation ...
Fierce-eyed Hezbollah representative: Thank you for the invitation; lovely office. Death to Israel.
Gullible American: Well, that's just rhetoric; we understand.
Hezbollah: It is not rhetoric. It is truth. The Zionist entity is a festering infected splinter in the lip of the Caliphate.
(Pause)
American: So you're saying you want some antibiotics as well? We can do that. But you have to show us you're ready to coexist with Israel.
Hezbollah: We recognize the right of Israel to exist, but only as a footnote in history books.
American: So we agree on principle, and the rest is just a matter of details. Great! We'll draw up the treaty for the signing ceremony. You're going to love the pens. They're Cross. Smoothest pen you've ever used.
Hezbollah: I will save it to plunge into the heart of the last Jew to crawl towards the sea.
American: Do you need your parking validated?
(Repeat until the most recent accords fall apart, then call for new accords.)
Howard Dean is not a stupid man; he knows Iran and Syria are the real actors behind this game. But his words placate the Democrats' netroots activists who think Bush is stumping the country blaming the Hezbollah attacks on Max Cleland.
Fine. If Israel eliminates Hezbollah, humiliates the fascists of Syria and lets Lebanon get on with the Cedar Revolution devoid of murder-gang influence, will that be Bush's doing?
Of course not. He doesn't have Moral Authority, like Bill Clinton.
July 19, 2006
(James Lileks can be contacted at newhouse@lileks.com)
Not for commercial use. For educational and discussion purposes only.
Lileks Bump
Hey! I did a search. Plus I posted the whole thing!
bttt
Well, that one is unnecessarily excerpted.
Also, I pinged the Lileks list on this. :)
Thanks!
"If you think what's going on in the Middle East today would be going on if the Democrats were in control, it wouldn't, because we would have worked day after day after day to make sure we didn't get where we are today."
-----
Yes, I agree with Dean!!!
If the Dems had been in control, Israel would have ceased to exist as a free, soverign state many years ago. They would have fought the Arabs until the end, at which time they would have been killed and pushed into the sea, with the U.N. condemning the Arab actions through 143 resoltions.
Yes Dean, you psychotic lying moron, we agree with you this time...
You're on!
CD
Excellent satire! Thank you for posting this.
It should indeed frustrate one that the Left has consistently ignored the fact that the Islamist fundamentalists in the Middle East have intentions no less ambitious than to drive Israel into the sea and to cripple the United States. The textbooks that Yasser Arafat's regime used to teach Palestinian schoolchildren expressed those sentiments almost verbatim, and the Left looked the other way. The Islamist fundamentalists cannot be negotiated with; hopefully, Israel has finally recognized this reality.
I am
G. Stolyarov II
http://www.panasianbiz.com
http://www.thebizofknowledge.com
http://www.risingsunofnihon.com
http://www.zhonghuarising.com
http://rationalargumentator.com
"the moral authority that Bill Clinton had"
my ass
I love Lileks. Haven't been reading him lately and now I'm remembering why his blog was a must-read.
As I recall, Bill Clinton spent one fine morning getting Wee Willie waxed while Yassir Arafat cooled his heels in the Rose Garden. How's that for on the job!
"Moral Authority" -- Clinton? What an unfortunate choice of words!
Personally, I like it every time Howard Dean opens his mouth. sarc/
Bump for later savoring! Thanks for the ping!
When Lileks is on his game he is in Steyn territory. Great column.
It's a pleasure.
I'm outta here, see y'all tomorrow!
Now nukes must be exchanged for it to be a war?
100,000 Americans died because of the Cold War and it went around the world.
That is a world war and it was the third one therefore the Cold War was indeed WW III
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.