Posted on 07/19/2006 10:39:39 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
Author’s note: Pseudonyms are used in today’s column. Other minor facts are altered to protect the identity of former students.
Last night I had a dream that I was sitting in a diner not far from the beach. A girl with a suntan walked into the diner and sat down next to me. She had beautiful green eyes, sun-bleached hair and the face of a cover girl. We knew each other through a mutual friend who teaches in the public schools.
When I asked her how she was she said that she was having trouble finding her place in the world. She had just changed careers twice in the last month. She had no college degree, so she decided it was time to go back to school. But, for the time being, she had to raise some money. She had no savings at age 25.
Immediately after she told me that she planned to work in one of the local topless bars to save some money, she saw my stunned reaction. So she tried to overwhelm me with the numbers. “The girls make $500 a night, tax free,” she said. Then she started to add up the numbers for a whole year of dancing and otherwise living modestly. My expression didn’t change and she got frustrated. She reminded me that some topless dancers make more money than professors.
And I dreamed that I resisted the temptation to respond sarcastically by reminding her that drug dealers make more money than doctors. Instead, I told her about Carolyn.
Carolyn was from Massachusetts. She was a bright student—at least she was about ten years ago. Her father was a lawyer. It was her dream to become a lawyer, too. She took a job in a topless bar. Before long she was spending her cash on the cocaine that freely flows within the walls of that bar—the cocaine the police seem to overlook. Carolyn ended up sleeping with her boss and getting pregnant. When she had misgivings about an abortion, she was fired. She dropped out of college, and she isn’t a lawyer today. She isn’t even a stripper.
And then I told her about Meghan. She was from a small town near the Virginia border. She went to work in the topless bar as a cocktail waitress promising she would never actually become a stripper. But she did become a stripper.
I told her how I saw Meghan in the store the other day and hardly recognized her. And I recalled when she enrolled at my university and looked like she was 12 years old. Nine years later she could pass for 45. A single year in a topless bar can put a decade on a young woman’s face.
Then I told her about Angie. She was a gorgeous young girl who prided herself on her athletic ability. She, too, started out as a cocktail waitress. Then she became a stripper. After she gained a few pounds, the manager fired her. Now she works behind a make-up counter in the mall.
Angie’s friend is a graduate of the university with a good career. She keeps in touch with me from time to time. She says that somewhere between the cocaine parties and the group sex, Angie lost her self-esteem and the desire to do anything with her life. She wears a lot of make-up that hides the lines written on her face and reveals the shame written on her heart.
Finally, I told her about Scarlet. She was a stripper for years hoping to save enough money to get a doctorate. She came by my office the other day to drop off an application. Every six months or so she changes jobs. She is never happy in any of them because she never got her doctorate. She never could seem to hold on to the money. One look at her once-pretty face—a face that now looks like a worn out baseball glove—tells the tale of how she lost her money. And, on top of it all, she deeply resents every man with whom she works.
Like Scarlet, most young women who decide to strip are already equipped with low self-esteem the first night they walk into that strip bar. When they finally decide to leave, they often walk out with STDs, drug addictions, a string of unwanted pregnancies and even lower self-esteem. But they never seem to walk out with the money.
But I have a dream that some day the so-called men who frequent these establishments will realize that that they are helping fund the destruction of these young women one dollar bill at a time. And I dream that they will come to see these women as someone’s lost sister or perhaps the estranged daughter of a friend.
I have a dream that some day we will judge them by the content of their character, not the revelation of their skin.
I talked with a friend who was a bouncer at a strip club for years. He said all the women were screwed up.
He wouldn't touch the women with a ten foot pole. He's now a Christian and glad to be away from such women.
I agree with the main purpose and points of this article. However, you cannot shame, threaten or coerce amoral people into acting decently.
Sad to say, but, facing the threat of death from AIDS curbed the insatiable appetites of very few who were engaging in "at risk" sexual behavior.
I know a lot of people will probably be mad about this article. This article never says anything about changing the law to punish or restrict such strip clubs. It merely indicates that such a profession is not reputable or damaging. But I know saying this is considered the equivalent of pushing a ban on the industry. I wonder why certain conservatives view such criticism as completely unacceptable?
I can't completely agree with this. On an individual basis, maybe not, but on a societal basis, it has a lot of impact. At one time committing adultery could get you fired or shunned. Now, people brag about it. It is now more socially unacceptable to mention God in public, than to criticize homosexuals. The majority of major Democrats can now say things with impunity that would have gotten them kicked out of public office earlier. The fact is social pressure is immensely powerful in changing people's behavior.
Ichabod. (Look it up in the dictionary...)
No cheers, unfortunately.
I knew this girl years ago, she was at first a bartender, then a coacktail waitress at a strip club.
She was never ever a stripper, nor dancer.
The reason I find it funny (and I know I shouldn't), was that the job paid well, in fact, to well, she got really really fat in like 2 months, and they fired her.
Last time I talked to her, she had lost weight, and was working as a customer rep.
I don't know if your a fan of the HBO TV show "deadwood" (I'm not), but if you are ever bored, read about why they use the modern day profane language (which they acknowledge is historically innaccurate) instead of using that time frames use of offensive language.
I read a couple of articles about the reasons the creators of the show gave, and they seemed honest......which is what disturbed me.
A relative worked as a waitress at THE strip club in RI and one night introduced me to the strippers after work at alocal bar. I can honestly say that I've never met more screwedup people in my life. Coked up. Toked up. Washed up. I was single and excited to meet them. After about a half hour, I was honestly scared and disturbed.
I can't remember where I read it, but I read that many strippers are single mothers trying desperately to find someone to support their children. Cokeheads with kids don't really sound all that alluring.
Strip clubs are for losers.
You made my case. Once upon at time, yes. I can remember when it was taboo to be divorced.
There are anecdotes on both sides of this issue.
The simple fact is that stripping, or even prostitution, much like professional sports, are "careers" that allow people with a "skill" to make a lot of money in a short period of time. The problem comes when they don't have the self control to "do the right thing" with that money.
For instance, how many times have we heard about a kid with tremendous athletic skills and potential that gives up on school, goes pro, and throws it all away, on alcohol, drugs, whatever.
The biggest problem is that the money is a trap. Especially for women in prostitution or stripping: These women tend to have low self esteem (not all of them, of course), and tend to latch on to guys who are really bad for them. The women make a lot of money, give it to the guys, or just blow it on stuff or partying, then they're forced to keep going back to work, just to continue in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed. Many don't want to (or are unable to) change their lifestyle, and they tend to go spiraling downhill... Just the other day, I read an email regarding a young prostitute in Kansas City who's life is over: She may or may not survive. According to the mail, the doctors said that if she does survive, she'll certainly have brain damage. I once saw a picture of her: She was very pretty, and from what I had heard, a very sweet, although terribly screwed up, girl. I heard about her when I heard about her counterfeiting arrest. http://www.usdoj.gov/usao/mow/news2005/bakera.ple.pdf
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Annie--the Final Tragic Chapter
When she moved to KC after graduating high school at the age of 18, she wanted to become a pharmacist and she worked at St. Luke’s. She was a very sweet bright young woman. Just a real sweetheart. So full of life and energy. She had great potential. While at St. Luke’s, she met her boyfriend who, imho, became the cause of all her troubles.
This boyfriend was 20 years older than she was (strike #1), introduced her to drugs (strike #2), and got her fired from St. Luke’s for either failing a drug test or some sort of stealing drug problem (I never got the full story).
She got implants and was thrilled with how she looked. She had always been a skinny girl and now she had boobs! She was so proud of the extensive research she did on implants and how many plastic surgeons she called to quiz them and discuss fees. BTW—she looked just fine before the implants. I think she continued to use drugs on a recreational basis but it didn’t seem to be a problem at this time.
She became an escort—Annie the Naughty Night Nurse-to support her self and her boyfriend. Now I am certainly not going to say that being an escort ruined her. I have known several escorts over the years. The smart ones treated it as a business, saved and invested their money during their peak years, and either retired with a substantial nest egg and/or married wealthy clients.
In Annie’s case, all her money went to support her jobless boyfriend (strike #3), pay his mortgage (strike #4) and his child support (strike #5). She was also sending money to her brother (a long sad story in itself).
At some point, she became addicted to heroin which was a continual problem for her. About 9-12 months ago, her genius boyfriend got the brainy idea he could counterfeit US currency using his computer and printer. (Raise your hand if you think this is a good idea—I didn’t think so). He gave the fake money to Annie to spend (Strike #6) and she got caught. When asked where she got the money, she naively told the Feds her boyfriend gave it to her. In other words, she told the truth.
After conferring with a lawyer, she agreed to testify against the boyfriend and would receive supervised probation while the boyfriend would receive a short prison sentence.
She was constantly obsessing over the fact that she had accidentally turned in her boyfriend without realizing the significance at the time. This was the cause of a huge amount of anxiety, guilt, domestic strife, and probably increased drug use.
As part of her Federal supervision, she had to take drug tests and so she went to a methadone clinic. I begged her to check into a drug rehab program but she refused. She failed to live up to the rules of the methadone clinic and was kicked out. She then began abusing prescription drugs. Significantly. Sometime in February, she passed out behind the wheel of her car and crashed into a tree. She was hospitalized and put on a suicide watch for 72 hours but was eventually released.
I begged her again to check herself into drug rehab but she refused as she always refused whenever I had suggested it to her. I also begged her many times over the years to dump the loser boyfriend but she always said she really loved him. She always stood up for her boyfriend. Loyal to a fault.
Very shortly after she was released, she quit answering her phone and eventually her phone was turned off. I was very worried about her. I wasn’t about to call the boyfriend. Significant investigative work revealed she had been at St. Luke’s twice in early March. I still don’t have all the details into these admissions but I gather they both were either drug and/or suicide suspected admissions.
Now comes the final tragic chapter. While awaiting checkout from the last admission, she went into pulmonary arrest (stopped breathing). The cause of this is unknown. By the time they revived her, it was too late. It would have been better if they had let her die. She has been in a coma for over 4 months now and is in a state funded medical facility. The Feds dropped the charges against her because the prognosis is that she will never recover and if she does, she will be a vegetable. She may even die soon.
Some personal observations—This is truly a tragedy. Annie was a sweet, pretty, bright, personable young woman who had everything going for her. She was working at a hospital around lots of young interns/residents/doctors etc. There is no reason why she might not have married one of them or some other decent nice guy and had a wonderful fulfilling life. Instead, this boyfriend just ruined her life. He dragged her down into a personal hell few of us will ever have any contact with.
I know some of you will say she was a big girl and she alone made all her bad choices and she had to live with her bad choices. No one forced her to keep this guy, no one forced her to try drugs, etc. Lots of bad choices. All of that is true but it doesn’t lessen the operatic proportions of this tragedy.
I know at least one board poster has accused her of stealing from him. She admitted a lot of bad stuff to me but she never admitted stealing. I would like to think it was a misunderstanding or a mistake but anything is possible when you are addicted to heroin. I hope you, and anyone else who felt wronged by her, can find it in your heart to forgive her. I doubt anyone has been punished more harshly for all of their bad choices than she has.
I am certainly not a religious person nor do I believe Annie was. But I will be praying for her. I am so sad over all this that words cannot adequately express my sorrow. Such a waste. I will miss her phonecalls. I will miss her just dropping by my house to chat. I will miss my dear sweet friend.
Annie’s Friend
Eh, it's like one of those articles that tells you how the military/hunting/sports/internet straightened somebody out and then somebody will post stories telling you how the military/hunting/sports/internet ruined somebody's life.
People mistake immaturity for consistent screwing up and they mistake a lack of opportunity for being good.
Relevant to the thread the other day about the "honest" strip club owner and the pastor.
One if you want it.
I know a young woman who works in a strip club; I used to know her well as a teenager and tried to help her (broken family, she'd been raped by an uncle, etc). She earns "good" money, but her heart has become hard and calloused. We keep in touch, and I hope I can help her some more one of these days. She keeps a distance from us; she knows our viewpoint about her livelihood although I never mention it to her. I hadn't heard from her in years and about 6 months ago she started calling and emailing.
I pray for her often.
Some ***holes are trying to open a strip club in our tiny town, as well as the county seat 30 miles from here (a bustling metropolis of around 26,000). Oddly enough, the strip club (not opened yet, thank God) in the larger town has already violated all kinds of zoning laws, secretly installed a lot of little "offices" and many showers, and yet the county bigwigs seem to turn a blind eye. Could they be compromised in some way or getting kickbacks?
It's very discouraging.
The men will stop seeing the girls as pretty flesh-toys when the women stop seeing the men as rolls of ten dollar bills.
DISCUSSION ABOUT:
I had a dream (Women who go to work as strippers)
Most of these women are quite beautiful when they start, and they usually only plan to do it for a short time to earn some quick money. But eventually it destroys not only their beauty, but also their lives.
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Nothing surprising here. Sad, sad, sad.
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