Thank you. I will pray for you, as well.
The logical conclusions of your presuppositions do not match what you observe: the complexity, beauty, and order of the created universe. You build up walls of protection, sometimes irrational, to shield yourself from this point of tension. I will pray, lovingly and with true tears, that the shelter you have built for yourself will crumble allowing the truth of the created world to shine on you.
The more science learns, the more awesome God appears. God sits outside of time and space. He created the Universe and all its laws, of which we are barely eeking out the smallest inkling.
We are ants on a tapestry trying to describe the whole.
God gave us the ability to think, to discover, to be rational.
The God of science is an awesome God that is beyond imagination.
Sadly, the God of most Creationists is a small God -- Gandalf writ large. Star Trek has characters that can create this small world in a monent's time.
But a God that can design and create Evolution, DNA, quantum strings, the reverse orbit of a local planet, binary star systems, the red Shift, etc. etc. etc.
Anyone who understands science, even a little bit, sees God's hand.
I will pray for you my friend. That you get knowledge. Wisdom will come later.
"The God of science is an awesome God that is beyond imagination. Sadly, the God of most Creationists is a small God -- Gandalf writ large. Star Trek has characters that can create this small world in a monent's time......"
"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator."
18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness,
19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.
20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.
22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools
...
25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
Romans 1:18-22,25
In the same vein, here's a quote by famous British Rabbi Dr. J. H. Hertz (1872-1946):
God the Creator and Lord of the Universe, which is the work of his goodness and wisdom; and Man, made in His image, who is to hallow his week-day labors by the blessedness of Sabbath-rest -- such are the teachings of the Creation chapter. It's purpose is to reveal these teachings to the children of man -- and not to serve as a text book of astronomy, geology, or anthropology. Its object is not to teach scientific facts; but to proclaim highest religious truths respecting God, Man, and the Universe. The "conflict" between the fundamental realities of Religion and the established facts of Science, is seen to be unreal as the soon as Religion and Science each recognizes the true border of its domain.