Skip to comments.Recovering Freeper in Need
Posted on 08/28/2006 4:09:24 AM PDT by RobFromGa
"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.
I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].
Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .
I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.
The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.
You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.
If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.
God Bless You and have a great week,
I am asking for fellow Freepers to please help this person if you have any good advice for our friend.
I am asking each of you to please read this and give our friend your advice. You might be able to make a big difference in someone's life today.
Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. (2Cor 12:7)Everyone has a "thorn" that they can not remove on their own.
An attack on self is irrational, anti-life.
Life, unknown FReeper.
I will gladly offer my prayer support for our FRiend.
It can't hurt to offer up a prayer, so I'll do that right now. I sincerely hope help arrives for this needy soul.
Get involved, volunteer your time and help people who really are in a bad way.
YOur friend will learn to appreciate what he has and realize what real problems are out there.
"Sneaking a few" is just a symptom of trying to kill off some other pain. I've seen people in on a "dry drunk" for literally years - and it never gets any better.
IMNSHO (realizing but for the grace of god..) Lose the booze, loose the drugs, get to meetings, and get a kick-a$$ sponsor - not one that tells you what you want to hear, but the one who tells you how to remain alive long enough to enjoy life again. The rules of the game are posted in every room you could drag yourself into, why not try making them work for once.
Just remember - you alone must do it, but you can not do it alone.
34 days short of 22 years sober.
Though I would not know how to advise this fellow FReeper, I have just said a prayer for him -- that the Lord would lift the depression from him, and restore joy and purpose to his life.
Godspeed to recovery.
You are going through the toughest part right now, you are not yet sure that life without the alcohol can be just as good or better than with it, and you are missing out on what you perceive as the "fun" part.
From my experience, and you'll have to trust me on this one, it will get better.
You need to quit worrying so much about what others may or may not think of you because you have decided to fix this problem. And you need to be away from people and environments that make you feel less than comfortable. If you need to get rid of some friends and make new ones, that is a price of your health. Any real friend should understand that you are doing what you think is best.
With that said, it will be difficult to hang around with old drinking buddies for two reasons, 1. they make you see the old idealized "good times" in your mind, and 2. they likely look at your quitting as a unspoken signal that you think you are now better than them because you are in control and they aren't. (even if you aren't preachy, you are showing them up by your actions)
I would suggest that you make up a new Freeper name just for now so that you can respond anonymously to these replies if you would like to. Or you can just listen.
The last and maybe most important point, you state that:
"I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem."
I think you are being WAY TOO HARD on yourself here. You have the gift of faith but you are imaging that God is judging you negatively for your faults which you are attempting to fix. I would encourage you to pray long and hard on what you wrote, and maybe even write out in longhand exactly why this statement must be false. You need to get God on your side and not view him as just another person that thinks you are a loser.
Because you are not.
I am sure that many Freepers will be praying hard for you, and will give you advice. We all respect your struggle and want you to find happiness. But you need to get your head straight.
TURNING TOWARD THE MORNING
When the deer has bedded down
And the bear has gone to ground,
And the northern goose has wandered off
To warmer bay and sound,
It's so easy in the cold to feel
The darkness of the year
And the heart is growing lonely
For the morning
Oh, my Joanie, don't you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.
Now October's growing thin
And November's coming home;
You'll be thinking of the season
And the sad things that you've seen,
And you hear that old wind walking,
Hear him singing high and thin,
You could swear he's out there singing
Of your sorrow.
When the darkness falls around you
And the Northwind come to blow,
And you hear him call you name out
As he walks the brittle snow:
That old wind don't mean you trouble,
He don't care or even know,
He's just walking down the darkness
Toward the morning.
It's a pity we don't know
What the little flowers know.
They can't face the cold November They can't take the wind and snow
: They put their glories all behind them,
Bow their heads and let it go,
But you know they'll be there shining
In the morning.,p> Now, my Joanie, don't you know
That the days are rolling slow,
And the winter's walking easy,
As he did so long ago?
And, if that wind would come and ask you,
"Why's my Joanie weeping so?"
Wont you tell him that you're weeping
For the morning?
and my favorite
The MAry Ellen Carter
She went down last October in a pouring driving rain.
The skipper, he'd been drinking and the Mate, he felt no pain.
Too close to Three Mile Rock, and she was dealt her mortal blow,
And the Mary Ellen Carter settled low.
There were five of us aboard her when she finally was awash.
We'd worked like hell to save her, all heedless of the cost.
And the groan she gave as she went down, it caused us to proclaim
That the Mary Ellen Carter would rise again.
Well, the owners wrote her off; not a nickel would they spend.
She gave twenty years of service, boys, then met her sorry end.
But insurance paid the loss to them, they let her rest below.
Then they laughed at us and said we had to go.
But we talked of her all winter, some days around the clock,
For she's worth a quarter million, afloat and at the dock.
And with every jar that hit the bar, we swore we would remain
And make the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Rise again, rise again, that her name not be lost To the knowledge of men.
Those who loved her best and were with her till the end
Will make the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
All spring, now, we've been with her on a barge lent by a friend.
Three dives a day in hard hat suit and twice I've had the bends.
Thank God it's only sixty feet and the currents here are slow
Or I'd never have the strength to go below.
But we've patched her rents, stopped her vents, dogged hatch and porthole down.
Put cables to her, 'fore and aft and birded her around.
Tomorrow, noon, we hit the air and then take up the strain.
And watch the Mary Ellen Carter Rise Again.
For we couldn't leave her there, you see, to crumble into scale.
She'd saved our lives so many times, living through the gale
And the laughing, drunken rats who left her to a sorry grave
They won't be laughing in another day. . .
And you, to whom adversity has dealt the final blow
With smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go
Turn to, and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain
And like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.
Rise again, rise again - though your heart it be broken And life about to end
No matter what you've lost, be it a home, a love, a friend.
Like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.
I sincerely hope this helps, it gets me through the Tough times.
"What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks."
A deep spiritual awareness would help direct one's focus away from self and loving acts toward others. Get involved with humanitarian, weekend missionary deeds. There are plenty of people who have serious survival needs (spiritual and material)in one's own back yard. Anyone can make a big difference in other peoples lives.
I may be way off base, but I have seen this work. In God's Hand's...wondrous things are wrought.
This person needs to get to AA meetings and get a sponser who's been sober for years and won't be manipulated. Good luck, it wont't be easy.
1.) Pride has no place in a relationship with God or Jesus -
2.) Yes, He does know you are the problem - precisely why He sent Jesus to bridge the gap
Psalm 34 was a huge help to me when I had a nervous breakdown a decade ago
1 I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. 2 My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together. 4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. 6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. 9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. 10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 11 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. 14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; 16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. 21 Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. 22 The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
God bless him, I will pray for him.
25+ years ODAT here.
There is a better way but I do remember the old way, the utter soul sickness and despair, the pity pot.
Thank God I'm free today.
My advice to the sick person is what's already been said. Get in AA and work the program one day at a time.
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