Posted on 11/03/2006 8:19:41 PM PST by Flavius
Actor and martial artist Chuck Norris (L) and fellow actor Marshall Teague inspect a 155mm M-109 A6 Paladin howitzer that has Norris' name stencilled on the barrel during a stop on a USO-sponsored tour to boost morale of U.S. troops, at Camp Ar Ramadi in Iraq November 2, 2006. Norris and Teague met with thousands of service members, shaking hands, taking photos and signing autographs in a week-long tour of Iraq and Kuwait. Picture taken on November 2, 2006.
Top Nuck Chorris Facts
1. Nuck Chorris is faster than the speed of sound and quieter than the speed of light!
2. Nuck Chorris is 100% American, except the part that is Mr. Universe.
3. Nuck Chorris is all things to all people, and nothing to some.
4. When Nuck Chorris thinks of an abstract concept, it becomes concrete.
5. Nuck Chorris is a paradox wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a moldy seven layer burrito!
Go CHUCK !!! : )
My favorite is still: "When the boogey man goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris".
His tears cure cancer.
Chuck Norris grinds the coffee beans with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
Chuck Norris doesn't check under his bed for the boogieman because the boogieman is hiding in the closet because Karl Rove is under the bed.
He used to come into the tea house in Torrance California
he was a great guy bought us dinner one night cool guy
My favorite is - "There is no such thing as evolution, Chuck Norris decided which species can live or die."
Id rather knock a dura cell off his shoulder than vote for Pelosi
Oh, come on, there are better Chuck Norris 'facts' than those:
1. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, AIDS and ebola. Too bad Chuck Norris never cried, ever.
2. Chuck Norris *can* divide by zero.
3. Chuck Norris knows what it's like to be a bat. (a favorite among philosophy of mind types)
4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be milliseconds from a roundhouse kick to the head.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books: he stares them down until they yield the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesomeness for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't !&$% with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the $!@% out of little kids.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the !@!@!@ when she didn't give him exact change.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker : Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and $!@% on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Oh God, Chuck Norris facts again!
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not Lactose intolerant, he just doesn't put up with Lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris wasn't born. He tore his way from his mother's womb and shortly thereafter grew a beard.
DON'T F*** WITH CHUCK! :)
When Chuck Norris Donates blood he declines the needle and requests a gun and a bucket
Chuck Norris needs no weaponry. His enemies simply disintegrate out of pure fear.
If you have a dream about shooting Chuck Norris, you better wake up and apologize.
Thank God. I saw the article in the sidebar and thought I would be reading some Steven Seagal screed.
Someone onced screwed up Chuck Norris' name by calling him Nuck Chorris. The next day they were seen wearing a dress.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.
Of course the Universe is expanding, it's trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won Jumanji without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living sh1t out of everything that was thrown at him and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris actually trained a bit under Bruce Lee, is that correct?
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out fully solved...
omg lmao!
Good on Chuck!
We need more of this - one way to get some good press for our troops
Jack Bauer would kick Norris' a**
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't pluck up the courage to tell him
~snicker
Better take that back soon, or Chuck will take notice
NEW: I added 18 new Chuck Norris facts below...in bold
Chuck Norris facts are becoming quite popular these days. Here are just a few gems:
1. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
3. Chuck Norris sent a picture of himself in the crouched position to the IRS. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes...EVER
4. Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
5. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
6. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray as eye drops.
7. Chuck Norris wasn't born. He punched his way out of the womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
8. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
9. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
10. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from certain death.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, he changes the actual spelling of it.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
13. Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pees.
14. When Chuck Norris jumps into the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
15. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
16. Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS, but gives it to people anyway.
18. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC for the show Law and Order, claiming the stole the names of his right and left leg.
19. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
20. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you.re still alive, it.s because Chuck Norris loves you.
21. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
22. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
23. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
24. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
25. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
26. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
27. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
28. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
29. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
30. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
31. When a tsunami happens, it.s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.
32. Chuck Norris poops light sabers.
33. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.
34. Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
35. Chuck Norris.s belly button is actually a power outlet.
36. Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
37. Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
38. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
39. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
40. Outer space exists because it.s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
41. Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
42. Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.
43. Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.
44. Chuck Norris doesn.t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
45. Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris.
46. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
47. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in Manslaughter!
My hubby actually worked last year with a stunt man who works sometimes as Chuck Norris' stunt double...the stunt man was doing work on the Katrina recovery, as an information officer of all things.
Strange world....
LOL!
There used to be a 4th planet between Mars and Jupiter.... until it got in Chuck Norris' way. We now call it the asteroid belt.
Y'know, I never really paid any attention to Chuck Norris until hubby and I started watching "Walker, Texas Ranger" reruns on a couple of the cable channels. Now I'm hooked.
Is the "flash arrestor" (sorry, don't know correct term) on the barrel of that artillery piece eroded or cracked away on the near side?
Mr. Norris is a super guy. And down to earth.Love these threads.
but he doesn't cy.
but he doesn't cry.
ROFLMAO!
LMAO!
Same here. I guess I had a mistaken impression and never watched the show during its original run. Now it's widely available on cable and I can tell you exactly when each episode comes on.
The best thing in the morning is not Folgers in your cup. It's the feeling you get knowing Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
In 1994, a single ballot cast by Chuck Norris resulted in the GOP gaining 54 seats in the House and eight in the Senate.
I've seen all the Walker episodes at least twice and I'll see them all again. And again.
Lately around here they've been showing a lot of Walker on the Hallmark channel.
And I really mean that!
..
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just don't tell him I said that, ok?
Actually, Chuck is one of the few Horrywierd types that, 1) really does know what he is doing in the martial arts - yes, he could kick Godzilla's a$$ if he had a reason, and 2) he is a good person - rare in that world.
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