Carnal Knowledge (Man has sex with deer - outstanding lawyer comes up with excellent defense)

The Wall Street Journal ^ | November 17, 2006 | James Taranto

[Zakeet]

A Minnesota man is charged with having his way with a deer, but he claims it was just venison, the Superior Daily Telegram reports:

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.

The Smoking Gun has Hathaway's mug shot and a copy of the complaint, which states:

Defining animal to include carcasses would lead to absurd results. At what point of decompose would the carcass cease being an animal? Would picked-over skeletal remains still meet the definition? At death, an animal ceases to be an animal. As Billy Crystal noted in The Princess Bride (1987), "There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead."

The Telegram quotes Judge Michael Lucci, who is considering the motion: "I’m a little surprised this issue hasn’t been tackled before in another case." Yeah, we're sure this sort of thing comes up all the time up there.

[Zakeet]

You can read the original story by clicking here (registration required), and you can read the arrest report on the Smoking Gun by clicking here.

Enjoy.

[muir_redwoods]

Yep, It was just venison

Shoot the disgusting bastard anyway

[atomicpossum]

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.

Gotta love the mind of a lawyer.

"Your honor, my client is not into bestiality. He is simply an innocent necrophiliac."

[Ernest_at_the_Beach]

Where's the goats....that's the animal of choice in the Middle East I hear....

[usmcobra]

Oh Deer!

[gov_bean_ counter]

In other words, Just another piece of meat. Oh yeah, that's going to win him some converts.

[LongElegantLegs]

His mother must be so proud...

[Onelifetogive]

He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

This is one case where I support "mercy killing." This guy should be put out of his misery. (Likely, his family won't really mind.)

[Parmenio]

Hey everyone -- this guy was from WISCONSIN. Not Minnesota.

[unspun]

Yep, It was just venison Shoot the disgusting bastard anyway

Man Law

[kinghorse]

Now he's done it. According to Al Sistani he should not sell that venison to his neighbor, assuming he climaxed. If he did not climax, Sistani sez it's okie dokie to sell the meat. Those guys have an answer for everything.

If Islam was a western religion it would be headed by Anne Landers. That's all ole Sistani is.

[L98Fiero]

They actually quoted a mytical character from a fantasy Hollywood movie in a legal filing. OK, then.

[dirtboy]

He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

This guy has already sold the movie rights to his story. It's gonna be called Brokebuck Mountain.

[kinghorse]

/hits the cymbal

[N. Theknow]

Let me guess, he fell head over heels for her doe eyes.

[AnotherUnixGeek]

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

Whatever a man chooses to do with a dead deer in the privacy of his home is his business. If he chooses to perform sex acts on a deer carcass on a public street, he should be locked up for public indecency.

[Joe 6-pack]

It's hard to resist a nice rack...

[sageb1]

This is disgusting!

[N. Theknow]

The man was quoted as saying, "You look drop dead gorgeous my deer."

[lafroste]

Grooooaaannnn!!