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Thanksgiving Advice
Ace of Spades ^ | November 18, 2006 | Laura W.

Posted on 11/18/2006 9:07:47 PM PST by george76

*Storebought pies are of the debbil. Don't do that. Pies are ridiculously easy to make, and the house smells so good when they're baking.

*If you have a full house and need to set up a separate table for the kiddies, try to orient it so that you can reach the back of the worst kid's head with a spatula. That way you won't have to get up during the meal.

*Put a long-handled spatula next to your plate.

*Give the turkey enough time to thaw. Your relatives don't want to see you desperately shoving a blowtorch inside Mr. Turkey on Thursday morning.

*If you can manage it, cooking the turkey breast-side down for much of the cooking time does help keep the breast meat moist.

*Seat your weird red-haired cousins in another room and shut the door.

*If their mother objects, put her in there too. She'll come back without them in three minutes. She'll keep her yap shut for the rest of the meal as a bonus.

*If livingroom seating is inadequate, throw something soft on the floor that the kids can lounge on during the football game, while the adults are sleeping.

I'm sure all you guys have other great ideas and helpful hints.

(Excerpt) Read more at ace.mu.nu ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: thanksgiving; thanksgivingadvice

1 posted on 11/18/2006 9:07:47 PM PST by george76
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To: george76

If your Uncle is nodding off on the easy chair, let him.


2 posted on 11/18/2006 9:08:32 PM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist (Why can't Republicans stand up to Democrats like they do to terrorists?)
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To: george76; patton

i'm laughing so hard i'm crying!


3 posted on 11/18/2006 9:10:55 PM PST by leda (Life is always what you make it!)
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To: carlo3b

ping


4 posted on 11/18/2006 9:11:48 PM PST by Cindy
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To: All
I'm craving pie.


5 posted on 11/18/2006 9:14:00 PM PST by monkapotamus
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To: leda

What you got against red heads, anyway? You know dang well our family tree don't fork, Ms. Kirby-Muxloe. ;)


6 posted on 11/18/2006 9:14:31 PM PST by patton (Sanctimony frequently reaps its own reward.)
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To: george76
Pies are ridiculously easy to make

For some. Last time I tried cooking, it ended with a visit from the EPA. Not good times. :)

7 posted on 11/18/2006 9:14:58 PM PST by TheBigB (Do you think "Lady in the Water" is in Ted Kennedy's NetFlix queue?)
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To: george76

I asked Mrs. RQSR if she had any Thanksgiving tips.

She said "none we can post".


8 posted on 11/18/2006 9:15:34 PM PST by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists...call 'em what you will...They ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: patton

me? have something against redheads?
now where on earth would you get that idea?


9 posted on 11/18/2006 9:15:57 PM PST by leda (Life is always what you make it!)
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To: All
And turkey:


10 posted on 11/18/2006 9:16:41 PM PST by monkapotamus
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To: george76

Here's my recipe for the perfect Thanksgiving:
Invite no one
Accept no invitations
Stock up on beer
Order a pile of pizza the night before
On Thanksgiving day enjoy your beer, pizza and football, don't even take a shower if you don't want to, it's not like you're going to have company. And don't forget to be thankful for all that life has provided, including the sense to not ruin a perfectly good holiday with insane and stressful plans, which includes not going anywhere with a cash register on black Friday.


11 posted on 11/18/2006 9:16:58 PM PST by discostu (we're two of a kind, silence and I)
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To: leda

A question taken from Ace...



Quote :

" I have a question not a suggestion: What should you do when you discover that your female cousin whom you haven't since seen she was ten is now 18 years old and all grown up and really, really hot and you're alone with her in the bedroom where everyone has thrown their coats and she's bending over the bed to get something from her coat and you're standing directly behind her? "


12 posted on 11/18/2006 9:17:23 PM PST by george76 (Ward Churchill : Fake Indian, Fake Scholarship, and Fake Art)
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To: george76

Unstuff BOTH sides of the turkey. Personal experience.


13 posted on 11/18/2006 9:18:50 PM PST by I still care ("Remember... for it is the doom of men that they forget" - Merlin, from Excalibur)
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To: discostu
"not going anywhere with a cash register on black Friday."

Ditto that part!

14 posted on 11/18/2006 9:19:55 PM PST by sageb1 (This is the Final Crusade. There are only 2 sides. Pick one.)
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To: george76

Pies are ridiculously easy to make, but learning to make great pies takes years of experience. I am the Pie Queen! Without writing a Pie Opus, I recommend making your crust with lard. I'm here to help....


15 posted on 11/18/2006 9:20:14 PM PST by Island Girl
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To: george76
//*Seat your weird red-haired cousins in another room and shut the door.\\

What if you are the weird red-haired cousin?
16 posted on 11/18/2006 9:21:37 PM PST by ThomasThomas (......)
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To: george76; leda

Well, I am guessing that my WIFE, leda, would give the little tramp a swift kick.


17 posted on 11/18/2006 9:21:37 PM PST by patton (Sanctimony frequently reaps its own reward.)
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To: rockinqsranch

How to ruin Thanksgiving

http://daveintexas.wordpress.com/2006/11/17/how-to-ruin-thanksgiving/


18 posted on 11/18/2006 9:21:38 PM PST by george76 (Ward Churchill : Fake Indian, Fake Scholarship, and Fake Art)
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To: ThomasThomas

" What if you are the weird red-haired cousin?"

Bring some of the pie with you.


19 posted on 11/18/2006 9:23:00 PM PST by george76 (Ward Churchill : Fake Indian, Fake Scholarship, and Fake Art)
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To: george76

what do you mean?


20 posted on 11/18/2006 9:24:54 PM PST by leda (Life is always what you make it!)
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To: monkapotamus

She really looks happy with that big well stuffed bird.


21 posted on 11/18/2006 9:25:18 PM PST by BulletBobCo
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To: monkapotamus

Definitely don't want to arm wrestle her, that thing is huge.


22 posted on 11/18/2006 9:27:18 PM PST by discostu (we're two of a kind, silence and I)
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To: george76
[ Thanksgiving Advice ]

Get off alone "give thanks" frequently to adjust you're attitude..

23 posted on 11/18/2006 9:28:34 PM PST by hosepipe (CAUTION: This propaganda is laced with hyperbole)
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To: george76

Don't forget to remove the giblets from the turkey before roasting...(learned that one early on - the hard way). Will not soon forget mother-in-law exclaiming "What..you forgot to take out the giblets??!!*$"


24 posted on 11/18/2006 9:30:29 PM PST by Mjaye
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To: george76

More advice:

Throwing a turkey in the clothes dryer for emergency thawing does not work. (I didn't do this, but someone else did)

"Burnt" is not a flavor.

If you cooked the meal, and someone complains, resist the urge to drown them in the gravy bowl.


25 posted on 11/18/2006 9:30:59 PM PST by hoagy62 (Happily watching the Left go full-goose bozo.)
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To: george76
[ Thanksgiving Advice ]

Instead of Pecan Pie use WALNUTS... Walnut Pie..
Made the same but it will be talked about until you leave this human experience..

No kidding.. you will thank (( ME ))....

26 posted on 11/18/2006 9:35:26 PM PST by hosepipe (CAUTION: This propaganda is laced with hyperbole)
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To: Mjaye

See my post 13. I knew that giblets were in one end, but didn't realize they were in the other.


27 posted on 11/18/2006 9:36:32 PM PST by I still care ("Remember... for it is the doom of men that they forget" - Merlin, from Excalibur)
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To: I still care

See my post 13. I knew that giblets were in one end, but didn't realize they were in the other.<<<<<<<<<<<

Exactly!! Who knew??? I found the neck, but who would have thought they'd stuff a bag in the other end full of weird bird parts. I never made that mistake again...



28 posted on 11/18/2006 9:42:29 PM PST by Mjaye
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To: Mjaye

Make sure there are enough giblets to make the dressing. We buy a extra package just in case. We have gotten 2 free turkeys from Foster Farms because of skimpy giblets...


29 posted on 11/18/2006 9:43:39 PM PST by tubebender (Growing old is mandatory...Growing up is optional)
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To: Andy'smom; bradactor; politicalwit; Spunky; mplsconservative; don-o; boadecelia; freeangel; ...

**Freeper Kitchen Ping**


30 posted on 11/18/2006 9:48:14 PM PST by HungarianGypsy
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To: tubebender

I didn't know one could acquire extra giblets! Useful info, thanks!!


31 posted on 11/18/2006 9:51:53 PM PST by Mjaye
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To: hosepipe
Instead of Pecan Pie use WALNUTS... Walnut Pie..
Made the same but it will be talked about until you leave this human experience.."



I must disagree most strenuously!
And make your pecan pies from scratch. The recipe is on the back of the Karo syrup bottle. Only and 3/4's cup sugar though. TRUST ME!
32 posted on 11/18/2006 9:55:19 PM PST by JRochelle (Duncan Hunter 2008!)
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To: george76



See post 23 for your answer.

:-)


33 posted on 11/18/2006 9:56:32 PM PST by JRochelle (Duncan Hunter 2008!)
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To: monkapotamus

Not enough whipped cream. You can still see the pie....


34 posted on 11/18/2006 9:58:51 PM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: I still care
Unstuff BOTH sides of the turkey. Personal experience.

Me, too.

35 posted on 11/18/2006 10:00:52 PM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: george76

" I have a question not a suggestion: What should you do when you discover that your female cousin whom you haven't since seen she was ten is now 18 years old and all grown up and really, really hot and you're alone with her in the bedroom where everyone has thrown their coats and she's bending over the bed to get something from her coat and you're standing directly behind her? "

I would say, "That reminds me. I forgot to have some pie."


36 posted on 11/18/2006 10:06:13 PM PST by Kirkwood
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To: george76

NO! NO!


37 posted on 11/18/2006 10:07:54 PM PST by right way right
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To: george76
" What if you are the weird red-haired cousin?"

Bring some of the pie with you.



I'll let HIM know.
38 posted on 11/18/2006 10:11:34 PM PST by ThomasThomas (......)
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To: george76

Remember to actually turn the oven on. Otherswis, dinner will be VERY delayed.


39 posted on 11/19/2006 4:27:37 AM PST by freeangel ( (free speech is only good until someone else doesn't like what you say))
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To: george76

At the table keep lefty liberal aunt Rebecca away from staunch conservative Uncle Bert.


40 posted on 11/19/2006 4:32:36 AM PST by beyond the sea ( Now that Pelosi Galore is in charge, it's never too late or early to start drinking.)
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To: george76
We did this mistake one Thanksgiving.

My brothers decided to roast the turkey.

When it came out of the oven one of my brothers began to carve it. All at once he stopped and said, "Where did the white meat go??"

They had put it in upside down. I was laughing so hard I almost got sent down to the childrens table.

Turns out the turkey was one of the moistest we ever had. Since then we always put the turkey upside down for the first hour.

41 posted on 11/19/2006 4:35:15 AM PST by mware (By all that you hold dear... on this good earth... I bid you stand! Men of the West!)
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To: Mjaye
Buy chicken giblets if you can't find the turkey variety...
42 posted on 11/19/2006 6:24:48 AM PST by tubebender (Growing old is mandatory...Growing up is optional)
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To: tubebender

Be sure and have ALL ingredients you need on cooking day -- the corner convenience store is sadly lacking in the makings for real whipped cream and fresh sweet potatoes.


43 posted on 11/19/2006 7:34:21 AM PST by varina davis
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To: george76

*Seat your weird red-haired cousins in another room and shut the door.

since all my kids' cousins are red heads, what do I do?


44 posted on 11/19/2006 9:59:55 AM PST by Mercat
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To: Cindy
Traditional Thanksgiving Turkey

Instructions:
To Roast the perfect turkey every time, it's just an 11 simple step program to success, here's how Carlo3b does it.. hehe
What to buy: Because most holiday celebrations consist of families members you don't even like, balanced with whinny children and crotchety grandparents, but plenty of favorite side dishes and desserts, I recommend buying 1 lb per person..

1. Your frozen Turkey should thaw in the refrigerator or cold water. Depending upon the size, don't kid yourself size does count, this could take a couple of days. When ready to cook, preheat the oven to 315° to 330° F, individual oven vary. I recommend using a meat thermometer. Turkey is fully cooked when the thigh's internal temperature is 180° F. The thickest part of breast should read 170° F and the center of the stuffing should be 160°.

2. When it's defrosted, you'll discover STUFF inside the body cavity, it belongs there DUH, it's the giblets (don't ask) from the neck cavity. Take everything out and rinse the whole bird and damp dry it inside and out with paper towels.

3. Before roasting, stuff the neck and body cavities with favorite dressing / stuffing, loosely. Twist the wings back to hold the neck skin in place, and return legs to tucked position if un-tucked. No trussing should be necessary, but if you enjoy sewing ..HA!

4. Put the turkey, breast side up, (there is a new theory though, contrary to this tradition placing the breast down) on a flat rack in an open roasting pan about 2 inches deep, in the center of your oven. Back away Quickly.... LOL... just kidding ;^))

5. Insert the meat thermometer deep into the thickest lower part of the thigh next to the body, but do not touching the bone.

6. Baste the skin with vegetable oil frequently (it isn't really necessary, but you look so important doing it), to keep the skin from drying, and creating a beautiful brown glow...

7. Everything that comes in contact with any raw meat or fish, including all utensils, sink and counter tops, (your hands too) should be wiped down with hot/warm soapy water with an couple of oz. of bleach. This is a habit I hope you get used to doing, just do it!!

8. Roast you bird. Hahaha at 325° F, for approximately, 10 to 18 lbs.  3 to 3-1/2 hrs, 18 to 22 lbs, 3-1/2 to 4 hrs, and 22 to 24 lbs, 4 to 4-1/2 hrs, about a half to 1 hr longer if stuffed.. When the skin is slightly golden, about 2/3 done, cover the top loosely with aluminum foil to prevent burning..

9. Wear an apron with your name on it or something cool, and stuff a towel in your waist band, if you have a waist.. Bwhahahhah, ..sorry, and frequently wipe your hands if you need it or not, and wipe you forehead when someone walks in!
Chef Carlo TIP!! Keep a beer or better, in the middle shelf of your refrigerator to keep you sane during the boring time you spend in the kitchen, because it's so simple.. but NEVER, NEVER tell anyone about it, and burn this page after reading it!!

10. When done, let the turkey stand for 15 to 20 minutes before carving. Put this masterpiece on a pre warmed oval plate that one you never use, and put pretty stuff like flowers and greens, or apples all around it. Complain about you back, but smile bravely with that pained look you can do, as you bring it in to your waiting suckers, dear family!!

11. Accept tips ....cash that is, NEVER TAKE ADVICE ..ha!

Taken almost verbatim from a great chefs advice page.. Winn-Dixie Executive Chef Robert Tulko

45 posted on 11/19/2006 10:24:07 PM PST by carlo3b ("Leave the gun, take the cannoli")
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To: carlo3b

Thank you Carlo.

A lot of people will appreciate these instructions.


46 posted on 11/19/2006 10:53:07 PM PST by Cindy
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To: carlo3b

The most important part of making the Thanksgiving meal IS the beer in the refrigerator!


47 posted on 11/20/2006 11:42:19 AM PST by JJR RNCH (Your mother doesn't work here!! Clean up after YOURSELF.)
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To: george76
Hit your Italian relative on the head when she asks, "Where's the pasta?"

The Pilgrims didn't serve pasta at Thanksgiving and neither do I:-)

48 posted on 11/20/2006 11:48:33 AM PST by moondoggie
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To: carlo3b

Thanks!


49 posted on 11/20/2006 2:53:27 PM PST by netmilsmom (To attack one section of Christianity in this day and age, is to waste time.)
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To: george76

I'm spending Thanksgiving with my son and his family in Canada.

We are going to eat---out.


50 posted on 11/20/2006 2:55:26 PM PST by Alouette (Psalms of the Day: 140-144)
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