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23-December-2006 | Ron Pickrell

Posted on 12/23/2006 9:27:16 AM PST by pickrell

Dateline: Durham, North Carolina --- 23-December-2006 --- Amalgamated Press Wire Services

Sources close to the Defense team in the Barnsticky case have announced that Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong has decided to withdraw the murder charges pending for so many months. The lead attorney for the Tasmanian-American shuffleboard team, Rafael Loop, challenged Nifong to drop the remaining charges.

The story was broken on CNN's Nancy Grace news program, being somewhat overshadowed by the more celebrated Duke LaCrosse rape case- another high profile case being handle by Nifong.

"It was withheld from us, months ago, that the Coroner conspired with the DA to suppress the fact that no traces of exit wounds were found on the victim," Loop complained in the short video. "Unusual, to say the least, for a victim killed by gunshots from a-", he shuffled theatrically through the indictment papers in front of him, "...from 'a 13 gauge rifle. Assailant was described as being dressed in camouflage clothing'."

"Is that necessarily exculpatory?", a CNN reporter probed.

"Well, not in of itself,perhaps," Loop admitted dryly, "But coupled with the minor, additionally suppressed fact that no sign of an entrance wound was found either, should have lead even a New York Times or CNN reporter to begin to suspect that there might be political components to this prosecution."

At the end of the video, Grace turned to one of her guests, noted Defense fixture Gloria Allready, who has been standing by in the studio since October. Of 2005.

"Problems, now, for the prosecution, Gloria?"

"It could present problems," Allready conceded. "But the Defense will need much more to manufacture reasonable doubt-"

"Perhaps," another guest, noted author Nathan Pessimat, interjected, "... the defense feels confident that the many interviews with the murder victim will substantially complicate their case against the shuffleboard team..."

Blinking rythmically, Grace probed, "Was the shuffleboard team wearing camouflage clothing at the time?"

Pessimat sighed and dipped his head, "Grace, how do you keep your job?"

"Well, it's certainly not about me." Turning back to Allready she continued questioning, "Are the stunning new breaking developments a turning point in this case?"

"As you know, Nancy," Ms. Already explained, "DA Nifong has said all along that the physical evidence may be weak, but that the testimony of the murder victim in this case should prove unshakeable. It is going to complicate the prosecution's job, now, as we hear that the murder victim has again changed his story, and is now admitting that he is uncertain that he was penetrated by any projectiles at all-"

"And none of this has until now raised any red flags in your little journalistic minds," Pessimat interjected, burying his head in his hands.

"Well certainly Barnsticky went through some sort of traumatizing experience, and may be challenged as to his exact recall of events, as has been thoroughly reported by the New York Times," Grace backpedalled. Turning back to Allready, she continued, "Should the DA consider his case flawed at this point?"


But Pessimat interrupted again, "Do none of you see any problem with testimony by the murder victim? Has the statement by Nifong, that he didn't interview the murder victim personally- because he was afraid that he could be called as a competency witness, later, at his own trial...- caused any of you in the Media to doubt the allegations in this case?"

"I notice that you have interrupted Ms. Allready several times already," Grace countered, "and that you seem to be the sort of person who might own camouflage clothing of your own."

Pessimat seemed thoroughly stunned by the question and shook his head with closed eyes.

"Anyway," Allready continued, "there are still charges pending against the shuffleboard team that should have the Tasmanian-American community worried. Operating a fish embroidery salon without a license carries a twenty year penalty down in North Carolina. These players as yet aren't in the any means."

"I give up, " Pessimat threw up his hands.

After they watched him tear off his microphone and exit the studio, Grace turned back to Allready, "So.... were there any camouflage clothes found in the locker room yet?"

TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: durhamcount; nifong
Painful as it is to warn, This Is actually a satire...
1 posted on 12/23/2006 9:27:18 AM PST by pickrell
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To: pickrell

OMG........funny, funny stuff!

2 posted on 12/23/2006 9:30:38 AM PST by tioga ( Merry Christmas)
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To: pickrell

Gloria Already...........perfect name.

3 posted on 12/23/2006 9:31:26 AM PST by tioga ( Merry Christmas)
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To: pickrell

how do you embroider a fish (egging them on...)

4 posted on 12/23/2006 9:34:29 AM PST by Felis_irritable
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To: pickrell

Yet another example of why the 13 guage rifle should be declared an assault weapon of mass destruction, How insidious a weapon that can kill without leaving an entrance wound.

5 posted on 12/23/2006 9:57:48 AM PST by Vinnie_Vidi_Vici
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To: Vinnie_Vidi_Vici

Yeah - those 13 gauges have always been unlucky for me, too.

6 posted on 12/23/2006 10:08:34 AM PST by Emmett McCarthy
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To: Felis_irritable
" do you embroider a fish (egging them on...)..."

Well, I usually added three inches and 2 pounds to it... and then claimed it flipped off the hook, near the side of the boat...

7 posted on 12/23/2006 12:32:50 PM PST by pickrell (Old dog, new trick...sort of)
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To: Emmett McCarthy
"...Yeah - those 13 gauges have always been unlucky for me, too..."

Emmett, you need to run that through the John Kerry Cultural Filter, first. "Yessir, them there 13 gauges pert near bin lucky fer me, too..."

:-) Have a merry Christmas, guy!

8 posted on 12/23/2006 12:37:04 PM PST by pickrell (Old dog, new trick...sort of)
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To: pickrell

Merry Christmas to you too, friend. I only wish I were smart enough to talk as stupid as J Effing K. But, still, I don't get a long face over it.

9 posted on 12/23/2006 3:46:55 PM PST by Emmett McCarthy
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To: pickrell

If you intend to lead be sure the people go where you led them.

10 posted on 12/23/2006 3:52:09 PM PST by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: pickrell

Ha bump ha

11 posted on 12/24/2006 6:05:21 AM PST by Rockpile
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