Skip to comments.Horror stories: Baby sitting and the opt-out revolution
Posted on 01/05/2007 8:32:57 AM PST by qam1
Here is my nightmare. I moved to Madison without knowing anyone here, so I found a babysitter through the University of Wisconsin graduate program in early education. The woman I found was great, but she said that she was really busy, and could her boyfriend babysit instead.
I squashed all my sexist stereotypes and asked for his qualifications. She said he has a law degree in Puerto Rico, where they are from, but he can't work here because he didn't pass the Wisconsin bar, and he doesn't want to study for it because they'll only be here two years. So he is looking for work. He has five younger siblings and he babysat them.
I said okay. I did the normal routine-- stayed with him and the baby one day. Went out for a little the next. The third day, I told him I'd be at the coffee shop. I told him if he wants to go there, go when the baby is asleep so the baby doesn't see me and start crying for me, so he shows up at the coffee shop at naptime.
I say, "Where's the baby?"
He says, "At home."
So I sprint eight blocks home, imagining all the most terrible things a mom can imagine. I get home and the baby is asleep, on my bed, ten feet from an open stairway.
The guy says, "I'm sorry."
I say, "You can just go."
He says, "I think it was a language problem. I just misunderstood you. I thought you told me to go to the coffee shop and leave the baby at home."
This could happen to anyone, and it does. My friend paid a chic agency in the New York City area to find her a bonded, background-checked nanny. But she turned out to be anorexic and she fainted behind the wheel. My friend didn't know until the car was wrapped around a pole. (Everyone safe, thank goodness.)
The difficulty of leaving a baby to go to work cannot be understated. And babysitting situations like this make it even more difficult. So we've now gone months with no babysitter, and my husband is about to kill me because he's picking up a lot of the slack.
So here's where the advice comes in: how to find a perfect babysitter, right? Wrong. There are no perfect babysitter situations. It's the nature of motherhood to be unsure of leaving. One thing I can tell you, though, is that I am a part of the opt-out generation: I sprinted up corporate ladders and ran two startups of my own, and I don't want to do that now, when I have young kids.
A press release from Lifetime Television just announced, "Women in generation Y do not want to permanently drop out of the workforce." The assumption here, of course, is that the Generation X women-- me-- who are dropping out of corporate life today are going to abstain from all business for the next twenty years until all their kids are in college.
Newsflash: The current opt-out phenomenon is not permanent. Some moms can do it, some can't, most fall somewhere in between, like me. As the kids get older, the opt-out revolution is about opting out of the absurd and inflexible hours that corporate America is demanding right now. It is not opting out of all work that does not involve kids. In fact, the majority of small businesses are started by women for these very reasons.
So, finally, here's some advice. Babysitter problems are not unique to you. They are part of a massive trend, and one bad babysitter doesn't mean you should give up on corporate life, and the crazy demands of corporate life don't mean that you should give up on work outside the home. We are all trying to find a compromise, and some of us are trying to find a sitter.
Silly me. In this author's world, all adults have day jobs and parenting is a hobby.
Most coffeshops seem have wireless access. I've seen a lot of folks doing business there. My wife's group held a meeting one, and everybody brought their laptops and connected wirelessly to view the presentation.
A lot of parents today ask: How can I fit my kid into the life and lifestyle I already have?
We lucked out with the greatest baby sitter on earth. Her father is a former cop (and my hubbie's best friend). She's been watching our daughter since she was three months old.
I'm planning to join friends on a two week trip to Europa this summer, and felt so uneasy about letting my daughter stay with her grandparents (my parents are dead, hubbie's parents are Boston socialists...) We decided to hire our sitter as a temp nanny for the two weeks I'll be gone.
I feel safer with this 17 year old girl watching my daughter (whom she loves as a little sister) than I would her grandparents watching her. How sad is that?
By the way, I'm glad your son is doing well. Any word on whatever happened to Marge?
DING-DING-DING!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!
But, your post has common sense, unlike this clueless mother and father.
That's a very perceptive point.
DING-DING-DING!!! WE HAVE ANOTHER WINNER!!!
And if hubby doesn't "pick up the slack", hubby can look forward to harangues such as "not loving his family", etc.
"A lot of parents today ask: How can I fit my kid into the life and lifestyle I already have?"
The correct question, of course, is, "How can I meet my responsibilities to my children?"
6 weeks/months of paid leave after baby, fed regulated flex hours,
national health care, and all for a small deduction from your paycheck. That was all I could take before tuning out.
Phooey on that!
Oh my! Speechless...
Less of a question I think than a position to take with regards to your life.
And then she should write him a check back, for half the rent/house payment, half the utilities, her share of the groceries, rent on the appliances, etc., etc. Just to be fair.
Or, alternatively, they could agree that they are a team, with each filling an essential position. They could work together to set their priorities. If being together as a family is their priority, they could agree to a less-expensive lifestyle. If a fancy lifestyle is their priority, then they should pay for professional daycare and get the mom out maximizing her earning potential.
We are long past the days of Ozzie and Harriet and Leave it to Beaver where Dad goes to work every day and Mom stays home and raises the kids. Many people who thumb their nose at families where Mom works speak from experiences 20 years ago or live in more rural or less economically vibrant areas.
They young lady needs to write on the chalk board:
A child is not a pet
A child is not a pet
A child is not a pet.............
I just can't believe how many people I am running into that think national healthcare would be a good thing.
I'm talking about engineers, nurses, lots of people who
are suspossed to be 'smart'
NOBODY seemed to work on Ozze & Harriet. Ozzie was always hanging around the house.
It confused me too. I think the guy DID follow instructions.
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