Posted on 07/25/2007 1:47:30 AM PDT by Aeronaut
ROTFL!
The Western Regional Rock Paper Scissors tournament held in Seattle this past week saw players disqualified for the first time due to use of illicit steroids.
“For years we have watched as the scourge of steroids has bogged one professional sport after another down with scandals,” said Wojek Smallsoa, Chairman of the World Rock Paper Scissors (RPS) Society’s Steering Committee. “It is shameful that the temptation to take performance-enhancing drugs has finally reached even the rarefied ranks of our competitors.”
The World RPS Society is the worldwide governing body of the sport of Rock Paper Scissors. It provides overall direction, guidance and policy control with a goal of promoting the sport to a wider audience. It is supported by a standard operational branch, local, regional, national and international office structure with offices in most countries around the globe. Its World Headquarters is located in Toronto.
“This is a tempest in a teapot,” grumbled Stacy Quinnell, one of the competitors disqualified in the surprise sweep during the tournament. “Physical performance is entirely secondary to strategy in this sport, so I fail to appreciate why the World RPS society is making a big deal about it.”
Fifteen out of twenty-four semifinalists were disqualified after drug tests found steroids in many of the top-ranked competitors. Because so many top players were removed from contention, the tournament went instead to an unknown 16 year old player from the small town of Colfax, Washington. Bookmakers in Las Vegas were not amused.
“It is really indicative of the tremendous pressures affecting all professional sports,” said ESPN commentator Brent Foster. “The stakes are so high that people are willing to incur the substantial health risks from taking steroids in order for a better shot at the crown.”
“However, it is kind of puzzling why the World RPS society decided to focus on this issue at the present time,” added Foster. “It is entirely possible that the whole drug sweep was intended primarily to give Rock Paper Scissors credibility as a “real” sport. Which, of course, it isn’t.”
Others vigorously dispute this interpretation.
“Rock Paper Scissors is an ancient and noble sport,” asserted Samsoa. “It predates virtually every so-called professional sport currently played in the United States. It requires a unique blend of physical and cognitive abilities found nowhere else in sporting competition.”
In fact, because Rock Paper Scissors relies so heavily on mental ability, Samsoa announced that future sweeps would also check for substances designed to enhance intelligence.
“People have been known to prepare for tournaments by eating lots of fish,” he noted. “Such devious attempts to alter the purity of the competition will be sorely surprised in future events when we conduct more random drug sweeps.”
ESPN is not planning to broadcast the next Rock Paper Scissors tournament.
(the Watley Review 2004)
good points , thanks
Gary Player made this accusation recently. He didn’t name names.
I do love Vino's quote though:
The Kazakh tested positive following his victorious ride in last Saturday's time trial, prompting his Astana team to pull out of the race.But the 33-year-old, who bounced back from losing nearly 30 minutes in Sunday's mountain stage by winning in the Pyrenees on Monday, has denied the allegation.
He told L'Equipe: "It's a mistake. I never doped, that's not the way I see my profession.
"I think it's a mistake in part due to my crash. I have spoken to the team doctors who had a hypothesis that there was an enormous amount of blood in my thighs, which could have led to my positive test.
"I heard that I made a transfusion with my father's blood. That's absurd, I can tell you that with his blood, I would have tested positive for vodka.
"The setting up of our team made a lot of people jealous and now we're paying the price. It's a shame to leave the Tour this way, but I don't want to waste time in proving my innocence."
ROTFL again here!
Hey,ya know, for an extremist-anti-cycling hatemonger who’s bored, you seem to be in an awfully good mood. Does this mean we can keep the thread open now? ;-)
Huh?
I hope you are not heartbroken.
Love the quote too, but I don’t share your optimism about Vino. Unlike Floyd’s isotope screening, (it’s use & reliability for this purpose is disputed by many experts who don’t have a dog in the TdF hunt), the blood test that supposedly caught Vino is pretty straightforward.Which makes the fact that he did it, knowing he would be tested for it, all the more I N S A N E!
Even his team manager Marc Biver admitted as much. He said he believed “the test is credible, and “We have to wait for the result of the `B’ sample. But for us, if his `A’ sample tested positive then he is guilty until the B sample proves otherwise,” he said.
Goes to show ya, controversy sells - even before breakfast, I guess!
Well, if Gary Player (or Palmer or Nicklaus or Trevino) said steroid use occurs in golf, that’s all I need to know. BTW, if you’ve seen a photo of Gov. Schwartzenegger on the beach, you will note what looks to be the ravages of steroids. Someone told me he admitted to their use while professionally weightlifting; don’t know if its true but it sure looks so.
“Which makes the fact that he did it, knowing he would be tested for it, all the more I N S A N E!”
That’s what I do not comprehend. You would have to be colossally stupid or desperate to do something that you know will be detected. In the case of Barry Bonds and baseball he had a hell of a chance of getting away with it because they don’t test. The rules in cycling are known.
But I've decided some of these guys are plainly junkies,or at least seem to have the tell-tale traits of junkies, even if their 'addiction' is only a psychological one. Reason obviously doesn't even enter into the equation for them. And like real junkies, they're not even gonna think about quitting until they get kicked to rock bottom.
Wouldnt want to cramp your style....only so many Gerbils to go around and though I might roast one over an open fire....I defer to your use of them in your habit trail.
Ha...yes...stir fried gerbil au jous with a fine chianti makes me chipper in the morning....; )~
Well, they don’t call it the other other white meat for nothing. But I thought it was supposed to taste like chicken. You don’t find chianti too robust an accompaniment for such a delicate dish?
Couple this news with Vino, Rasmussen, and the protest this morning and this years Raceis rapidly spinning out of control.
I am beginning to think we should just call it the Tour de Dope.
Oh geez. I wonder if it’s Rasmussen. The tour leaders are just aching to get him off the tour lest he win it under such a huge cloud of suspicion. They’ve said as much.
He was in the yellow jersey and would've been tested after Stage 11, so it's a strong possibility...
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