Replies

“””I really wish he would’ve availed himself of the help that people were offering to him instead of thinking they were all hypocrites (as he suggests in some of the other posts).”””

That’s a key point. He mentions in his writings that many people “reached out” to him in these churches. Even those people on that message board tried to get him to seek help. He wouldn’t go. He seems like someone who would only be happy if everything went his way and would always bite the hand that fed him. Everyone, including his parents, probably gave up on him and he became isolated. He probably did nothing but sit on is puter all day and wallowing in his own self pity over past social wrongs.

He probably did nothing but sit on is puter all day and wallowing in his own self pity over past social wrongs.

You got that right.

"Prophetic Child"

Since I was at least age 6 my mother and her church friends have always told me about how my birth was "foretold." They say that while I was still in my mother's womb a "prophet" told my mother that I was to be, quote, "a prophet to the nations" and something along the lines of the next Billy Graham/Peter Wagner.
They said that the following verses applied to me: Mat. 12.18 and Ezk. 36:26-28

Basically, they believe that I am their "chosen one" for "the end times" and according to the Ezekial passage they believe that I am going to go back to their church/system.

The problem right now is the fact that it appears that they are always going to pursue me throughout life(and they have said so), as I am supposedly the "chosen one." As far as I can tell they did not treat the other youth the same way.

Well, I don't want to be their "chosen one" at all. I just wish I could find some way to wake up from this nightmare.

All alone crying in this nightmare You and me we have no faces Soon our lives will be erased Do you think they will remember? Or will we just be replaced Oh I wish that I could see How I wish that I could fly From these things that hang above me To a place where I can cry

They don’t see us anymore Without love as they had promised And no faith for what’s in store Oh I wish that I could see How I wish that I could fly From these things that hang above me To a place where I can cry Where are all these feelings hiding? Dancing in and out my mind Burning up all that I long for Feeding me till my decline Where are you? My soul is bleeding I am searching, am I blind? All alone and bound forever Trapped inside me for all time

So what can it be? No one hears me call Echoes back at me….. No one's there….. To all these nameless feelings I can't deal with in my life To all these greedy people Trying to feed on what is mine You’ve got to fill your hunger And stop @#%$ with my mind I know it's time to leave these places far behind………….

Yeah. And I was supposed to keep this "calling" completely secret from outsiders. Like even other christians were not supposed to know if they were not a part of the "church elite" at that church and with my mother.

In this prophecy, they also believe that it was "prophesied" that I would rebel, but then RETURN to their church and that's helping to drive me crazy.

They will always be targeting me,hoping and praying I'll come back, waiting for some weakness(financial, health, or otherwise) so they can move in and re-convert me. Sometimes I fear I'll end up going back. Sometimes the depression gets so dark, and trying to live in the "real unsheltered world" gets so hard I start to think about returning back to what is at least "familiar," into a system I at least know how to behave and live in. I know there is a way out of this nightmare

It's just so f***ed up that this is the whole reason I was born.
The virgins are feeling cheated and there is an exit here, Don't say it isn't it's true......

I went to God just to see.........

ok yeah, all these crazy memories. I can't fully remember and if i try too hard the room will start spinning and I'll go crazy. but yeah.....
Yeah I agree. No matter how hardcore cult-like these end of days dominionist pentecostal charismatic church members want to be...I'll never give in. They can make fun of me, harass me, and even break my back...but they won't break me.

I'm working on a way out here, time is going to wash away all pain.

That’s a key point. He mentions in his writings that many people “reached out” to him in these churches. Even those people on that message board tried to get him to seek help. He wouldn’t go. He seems like someone who would only be happy if everything went his way and would always bite the hand that fed him. Everyone, including his parents, probably gave up on him and he became isolated. He probably did nothing but sit on is puter all day and wallowing in his own self pity over past social wrongs.

= = =

Sounds like a high probability that your description is particularly apt and accurate, to me.