Posted on 12/20/2007 12:33:12 PM PST by doug from upland
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Clement Clarke Moore
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
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THE HAJ BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Doug from Upland
Twas the Haj before Christmas, when all through the sand
The Islamists were ready and rested and tanned
The towels were wrapped 'round their head with great care
In hopes that the blessings of Allah were there
The children were dressed up in terrorist gear
With visions of infidels they're taught to fear
And his wife in her burqa, Mahmoud in a sheet
Were ready to pray after washing their feet
When just down the road there arose a kaboooooom
They jumped from their bed and ran out of the room
Away on a camel, Mahmoud would go see
If danger were lurking and they should all flee
The moon on the sand cast a very bright light
It was easy to see on that clear desert night
When, what to his wondering eyes would he spot,
But an awesome Cruise Missile with a nose that was hot
That had really been close, oh, yes, Allah was great
It fell down from the sky but did not detonate
His heart started racing, he knew not what to do
From his mouth, in a panic, the expletives flew
Oh, Foxtrot and Uniform, and Charlie, and Kilo
I hope they don't send in a squadron of helos
He got up on his ride feeling fearful and sick
He rode away, rode away, rode away quick
Would the mullahs be scared when he told them the news?
Had this been the U.S. or the Brits or the Jews?
Now back at his house was a most fright'ning scene
An American flag and a dozen Marines
They're looking around for some intel and stuff
Those guys were in shape and they really looked tough
Would they kill him or for his own life could he beg?
Oh, my goodness, he peed himself right down his leg
He was dressed in a bedsheet, so it didn't yet show
But soon there would be a wet carpet below
They had M-16's and a load of grenades
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, it's time that you prayed
Their eyes somewhat twinkled, but those guys were scary
With don't ask and don't tell, he knew they're not fairies
He watched their resolve and saw jaws that were firm
And compared to these guys, he's a sad little worm
As one eyed him sternly, Mahmoud turned away
And if he's water-boarded, what would Kennedy say?
They looked all around, the place was goat smelly
By now, Mahmoud's knees were turning to jelly
The Marines made him sit in a chair by the bed
Thoughts of what they might do swirled around in his head
A captain then winked, and a corporal went BOO!
He fell out of the chair and right in the goat poo
Reduced to a whimper, he started to weep
What a great photo op of the terrorist creep
Then came mocking words from a sergeant, so cold
On eBay the pictures would someday be sold
It was time to depart, so they left him alone
But above him there was the sweet sound of a drone
As they left came the words from heroic young men
"Do not dare mess with us or we'll be back again!"
snicker snicker hooooo hooo hahaha!
I tried to order a Mohammad Bear from “Vermont Teddy Bear”, Not available.
Great job on the Haj poem doug . . . went straight to co-workers and friends.
Thanks for passing it on.
NUKE MECCA - http://youtube.com/watch?v=nZzUSiFIIg8
MUSLIMS IN LONDON - http://youtube.com/watch?v=wwoGtHAG8IQ
ping
Now enjoy THE HAJ BEFORE CHRISTMAS on YouTube - http://youtube.com/watch?v=GQjiz5uKbSc
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