Roots and Wings: What's Wrong With Kids These Days?

19 January, 2008 | joanie-f

[joanie-f]

When our children were young, we had a plaque hanging on the wall of our bedroom that read:

There are two essential things you can provide your children. One is roots. The other is wings.

Roots, so that they might know from whence they came, and where they can always look for affirmation and love. And wings to provide a sense of independence, and the tools and the spirit to strive to be all that they can be.

A good friend, the contributor known as ‘First_Salute’ here on FR, recently forwarded me a Wall Street Journal article entitled, What’s Gotten into Kids These Days? In it, the author describes the growing trend among children, as young as pre-school, toward anti-social behavior, lack of self-control, irrational behaviors, anxiety and rage.

After describing such typical abnormal behaviors, and referring to several ‘expert’ opinions on the frightening nationwide trend, the author concludes with the following:

Experts' recommendations contain wisdom for parents:

• Avoid pushing your children to read, write and do math too soon, at the expense of social and emotional skills.

• Find classrooms well-equipped to handle behavior problems.

• Consider delaying your child's entry to large-group care.

• Reduce children’s stress.

• Prepare your child to control his or her own behavior, even when other children don't.

I choked on her list (as I invariably choke on most self-proclaimed ‘expert’ lists).

First_Salute, in his own commentary to me, wrote:

Little minds are so vulnerable, because in their world, digesting is really most of what they do, as they attempt to learn each new ingredient necessary for their survival, and their brain is actually still growing, being wired.

To which I say ‘Amen!’ The five ‘recommendations’ at the conclusion of the article above provide little or no insight as to the cause of a young child’s self-destructive behaviors – they simply provide superficial ways in which we adults might deal with them, after the fact -- after the wiring of the little brains has been weakly and ineffectually accomplished. I suggest that the reason the genuine causes of the poor wiring are ignored is that looking them square in the eye might either (1) make us entirely too uncomfortable, or (2) cause us, as a society, to have to personally sacrifice entirely too much in order to turn things around.

We want to provide our children the ‘wings’ without the ‘roots’ foundation. We want our children to fly without ever having received proper lessons in how to get off the ground or where their wings should find their strength.

It’s in the providing of those lessons that we, as a society, have failed miserably.

In order to provide a child a sense of ‘roots’ we ourselves must appreciate and respect from whence we came. Yet today’s modern American has little appreciation for his ancestry (Old World, New World, familial, and moral).

• We don’t care about the heroes of two centuries ago who endured more hardship than we can even imagine, yet who meticulously sculpted a moral and prosperous nation from a wild frontier.

• We don’t care about the indescribable personal sacrifices that were willingly made in order to ensure that we would be allowed to grow ‘wings’, unfettered by the iron fist of tyranny.

• We don’t care that elite tyrants – in government, academia, and entertainment -- have more say in the formation of our children’s lives and thoughts than we do. As a matter of fact, many of us are grateful that the tyrants are willing to ‘pick up the slack’. It leaves us more time for ‘more satisfying’ personal pursuits.

• We don’t care that those tyrants are telling our children that morality is situational. That ‘heroes’ sing well, or shoot baskets well, or are able to commit crimes without retribution – while names like Thomas Paine and Patrick Henry are unfamiliar to those same children’s ears.

• We don’t care that the words of the major candidates for the position of leader of the free world bear no resemblance to their deeds or ideologies. Worse yet, we are not even aware of that fact. Nor do we care that our children learn the difference between truth and deception. We cast our ballots (if we do so at all) based on ignorance and fragmented, illusory ‘information’ (as will our children).

• We don’t care that our children fill their bodies with empty calories, nutrition-less, chemical-laden prepared foods – and their minds with electronic garbage posing as entertainment/education. We don’t care that the extent of their exercise consists of walking back and forth from the computer to the refrigerator.

• We don’t care what our children are being taught. We don’t care that they are being told that they need a detailed map, provided by ‘experts’, in order to progress from Point A to Point B – that, if they needed to blaze a trail themselves, they would panic and wither away, before having set foot beyond the boundaries of familiar ground.

• We don’t care that our children have little knowledge of, or respect for, the lessons that previous generations can teach. We have taught them, through our own lack of interest in the lessons of history, that today is all that matters – that whatever material wealth they can wring out of today is what is of most value. The past is simply a boring blur, in which people who didn’t understand about the ‘good things of life’ existed -- if the past even existed at all.

• We are allowing our children to believe that self-esteem is learned rather than earned, and that taking responsibility for one’s own actions is a sign of weakness or inability to use ‘they system’ to one’s own advantage.

• We are teaching our children that they matter more than those around them, and that attaining happiness matters more than the means used in its pursuit.

• Over the past four decades, our homes have grown larger and our backyards have grown smaller. We have no time to maintain a large yard, and no more games are played there anymore. Electronics do no perform well in tall grass.

• Over the past four decades, family meals have dwindled down to each member grabbing what passes for 'nutrition' on his way out the door or up to his own bedroom to communicate with his ‘internet family’.

• Over the past four decades, the concept of ‘morality’, as taught by family example and discussion, and the invoking of scriptural truths, has evolved into the striving for politically-correct diversity, multiculturalism and tolerance – during which the scriptural concepts of good and evil, truth and falsehood have become passé.

The ‘experts’ believe that, in order to provide our children the focus necessary to reclaim who they are, we must expect less of them, adapt to their ‘it takes a village’ environment, and impose upon them a myriad of other escapist politically-correct strategies -- as evidenced by the advice in the above-referenced article, and countless others that attempt to impose their will upon us every day. They would have us put a tainted band-aid on our children’s wounds, and then send them back out to play in traffic.

Our children’s roots are shallow and weak.

One cannot climb a ladder at all if the bottom rung is rotten. The ladder we have provided our children is no longer worth climbing. They will either fail at the first feeble rung, or they will be horrified at what they find at the top. And we have no one to blame but ourselves.

~ joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

[joanie-f]

Beautiful words to live by, EV.

I hope your 'long day' was productive and satisfying. I know the betrayals and corruption of the primaries must be especially trying for you.

~ joanie

[B4Ranch]

Looking back at my childrens early years, the most serious mistake that my wife and I made was owning a television and allowing the girls to watch it.

[sageb1]

“Stop the daycare.”

Bump!

[joanie-f]

Looking back at my childrens early years, the most serious mistake that my wife and I made was owning a television and allowing the girls to watch it.

I understand your regret.

These days, on cable television especially, there is some excellent programming (for example, we saw an absolutely spellbinding program called ‘Absolute Zero and the Conquest of Cold’ on PBS this week) that would be both fascinating and educational for American children – much moreso than what passes for ‘public education’ anymore.

With that said, I’d estimate that 95% of programming today is either insipid, or downright dangerous, to young minds. So it comes down to a choice of monitoring one’s children’s viewing (and limiting it to perhaps 5% of the available programming) or doing completely without television.

Either one is preferable to allowing children free rein of what passes for ‘entertainment’.

An aside … In general, both the Mennonite children I know in our area, and the children who are home schooled, whose households are without television, are far more articulate, far better informed, and more capable of critical thought than those who attend our neighborhood public schools. There’s a lesson to be learned there.

~ joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

[Goldwater and Gingrich]

We have two boys at 4 and 6 years old.

We have never used daycare and no TV.

We edit our movies if we have to.

I will have to teach history to them myself, which I will enjoy.

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

Joanie, thank you; in reply, two trains of thought. Two separate posts because they are so divergent.

---

We are allowing our children to believe that self-esteem is learned rather than earned

This is a dangerous premise, actually. Please allow me to elaborate.... Correct valuation of oneself is not earned but comes as a result of humility as regards our sinfulness --and a paradoxical, profound respect in the understanding that our worth as humans comes from being created equally among ourselves, in God's image regardless of our efforts after creation. After that, indeed it behooves our personal responsibility to maximize one's skills and other resources, as exemplified in the Parable of the Talents.

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

“Nearly all children nowadays were horrible. What was worst of all was that by means of such organizations as the Spies they were systematically turned into ungovernable little savages, and yet this produced in them no tendency whatever to rebel against the discipline of the Party. On the contrary, they adored the Party and everything connected with it… All their ferocity was turned outwards, against the enemies of the State, against foreigners, traitors, saboteurs, thought-criminals. It was almost normal for people over thirty to be frightened of their own children.”

— George Orwell, “1984”

[Brad’s Gramma]

BTTT to read tomorrow!

Thanks in advance...!

[joanie-f]

You obviously are not in need of the warnings I tried to convey in this essay. :)

God bless you as you bless your children with your love, attention, and example!

~ joanie

[joanie-f]

Thank you for the (entirely deserved) comeuppance. :)

What I was attempting to convey was that many public schools teach classes in ‘self esteem’ -- precisely the kind of secular humanist philosophy on which you chose to elaborate -- placing our personal worth on an equal plane with our works.

These classes also indoctrinate students into believing that, no matter their work ethic, motives, or effort expended, they should feel good about the results, regardless of the quality. This, along with other aspects of politically correct philosophy, results in dilution of the value of genuine achievement and work ethic.

‘Self worth’ or ‘self esteem’ was a bad choice of words. I should better have phrased that sentence: ‘We are allowing our children to believe that a sense of achievement is learned rather than earned’.

In keeping with your intent in mentioning the Parable of the Talents ... when I occasionally come across a gifted student who is not performing up to his or her ability, I will tell him/her, ‘Your gifts and talents are God’s gift to you. What you do with them is your gift to Him.’ Sometimes that reminder falls on deaf ears. Other times it strikes a resonant chord. :)

Again, thank you for the gentle reminder, but powerful, reminder.

~ joanie

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

You epitomize graciousness!

And you have conveyed the truth well, may God open eyes through your words.

Hugs!

---

Hmmmm....another thought: God’s various “gifts” invested and entrusted to each of us also one day shall require a reckoning; to those whom much is given, much shall be required.

[Harvey105]

joanie,

Thanks for the article and the ping. You are truly a gem and one of the main reasons that I come to FR.

[joanie-f]

God’s various “gifts” invested and entrusted to each of us also one day shall require a reckoning; to those whom much is given, much shall be required.

A beautiful reminder. Thank you.

[joanie-f]

Thank you for the very kind words. :)

[EternalVigilance]

Indeed, my friend. Indeed.

[PGalt]

I thought I was going to read a thread about the TV docu-drama and Paul McCartney’s band. It just goes to show you how the culture has warped my mind. (JUST KIDDING)

Thanks for your OUTSTANDING essay, observations joanie-f.

[Bigun]

Excellent as always Joanie!

Thanks for taking the time to write it!

The ENTIRE problem can be traced to one thing IMHO and that is that the idea of family is crumbling in todays world. We have lost the sense of community that not so long ago prevailed in this country.

When I was growing up I not only had both of my parents around most of the time but I had brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and neighbors around as well. No child lacked for someone to look up to in those days. In my case it was my grandfather who REALLY shaped my thinking and, without doubt, I learned FAR more from him regarding life, and how to deal with it, than ever I did from 16 years of formal schooling. THAT is what we have lost, it is irreplaceable, and sadly, I don’t know that it can be regained short of some MAJOR upheaval.

[joanie-f]

I thought I was going to read a thread about the TV docu-drama and Paul McCartney’s band. It just goes to show you how the culture has warped my mind. (JUST KIDDING)

ROTFL!!!!

[joanie-f]

When I was growing up I not only had both of my parents around most of the time but I had brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and neighbors around as well. No child lacked for someone to look up to in those days. In my case it was my grandfather who REALLY shaped my thinking and, without doubt, I learned FAR more from him regarding life, and how to deal with it, than ever I did from 16 years of formal schooling. THAT is what we have lost, it is irreplaceable, and sadly, I don’t know that it can be regained short of some MAJOR upheaval.

A beautiful illustration of exactly what I was trying to say in this essay. Thank you!

Back in 1996, when he was first running for president, my husband and I heard Alan Keyes speak at a local republican committee dinner. The theme of his speech revolved around the belief that every major ill that plagues America can eventually be traced back to the fact that the nuclear family is disintegrating.

There were perhaps three hundred people in the banquet hall, and, when he first began to speak, one could hear people chattering, shifting in their chairs, etc. But it didn't take long for the entire room to fall into a mesmerized silence, and all three hundred people remained that way until he had spoken his last word.

At the core of his message was a painful truth -- but one that people are willing to hear, if it is presented to them with honesty and genuine concern. It's a terrible shame that most of our countrymen do not have access to that message that cries out to be heard.

~joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

[Bigun]

It's a terrible shame that most of our countrymen do not have access to that message that cries out to be heard.

I don't think it is really lack of access Joanie. I think they just don't WANT to hear it.

If I have learned ONE thing in my public life it is that when you hear someone shouting "TRUTH! TRUTH! Tell me the truth!" what they REALLY mean is tell me what I want to hear and CALL it the truth!