Posted on 01/20/2008 4:58:25 AM PST by Kaslin
“You are born alone and you die alone. Don’t dump on anyone else for your decisions. You’re a big girl and you make them yourself,” was the quote that I remembered at the end of the night. These were words from a Jewish great grandmother based on more than 90 years of living. Not stated as a cliché, but heartfelt and serious.
Good advice.
It reminds us that, in the end, no matter what, we have to be comfortable with who we are, with who we have become. We have to be comfortable in our own skin.
Recently, my kindergartener used the phrase “the man in the black skin,” in reference to the person he was talking about.
This was a description. Not a derogatory statement or a put down, as it might have been in generations past, but a simple descriptive statement.
As if he had said, “the man in the red shirt.”
After reflection, I realize the two descriptive phrases are not quite the same.
“The man in the black skin” is not able to take off his black skin and put on a skin of another color, while “the man in the red shirt” can easily change shirts. While my kindergartener sees the color of a person’s skin as a simple attribute, it is one that cannot be easily changed by dye, diet, or a new outfit.
This makes skin color inherently different.
The Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., was 39 when he was assassinated in 1968, two years younger than I am now. It fills me with sorrow to think of his wife and children left behind, and the work that he could have accomplished.
It also leaves me in awe of a man who accomplished so much in his all-too-short life.
Dr. King not only dared to dream that our nation would be one where “all men are created equal;” – Dr. King also provided us with a picture of what that dream would look like:
“All of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, ‘Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!’"
This past week, I attended the opening of the Atlanta Jewish Film Festival. The organization’s Web site notes that the American Jewish Committee “is a national advocacy organization that works to build bridges of understanding between ethnic, religious and national groups around the world. The Atlanta Chapter produces a film festival because we believe that film is one of the best ways to tell stories and stories are the best way to share experiences.”
It seems fitting that the AJFF spans the weekend when Martin Luther King’s birthday is being celebrated.
The ideas of building bridges of understanding and using stories to share experiences are ideas that Dr. King might have considered worthwhile.
When a friend remarked that I might not want to go to the film festival because it might be bombed, I knew she was kidding, but it made me stop and think.
Keeping a sharp lookout for bad drivers and paying attention in dark places or in areas with little pedestrian traffic are all part of my daily routine. However, I rarely consider that that I might be targeted due to religious beliefs.
Dr. King was probably aware of the physical risks that he ran while leading the civil-rights movement and, as with many soldiers, he probably believed that the possibility of his personal sacrifice was worth the risk in light of advancing the greater good.
“I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream…”
This dream has come a long way since Dr. King’s death, but we are not there yet.
In trying to live the dream, our society has focused on building political correctness rather than building individual character. The overwhelming political correctness of our society today puts everyone into a group. Once groups are created, it is easy to focus on differences rather than to focus on similarities. The continued categorization and labeling creates continuous friction rather than fostering solidarity and unity for Americans who are interested in how we can help each other move forward.
It makes no more sense to group together people born with white skin than it does to group together people born with black skin. Skin color is not determined by an individual, but by genetics. What each person can control is the person who fills that skin.
If we really are to live the dream of Dr. King, skin color and religious background should be mere descriptors, and the focus should be on the person inside – the content of the character and how this character is reflected in everyday activities and actions.
Make sure you feel comfortable with whom you are as a person. After all, you did not create the skin, just the person who lives inside it.
I disagree with the 2nd half of this statement.
At birth, I did not begin the process of creating who I am, but rather was born with a personality and with traits. I am stuck with who I am and only spend a lifetime refine and fixing what I already am.
Nature or nurture?
My parents have a responsibilty to train me for adulthood.
This means training me to overcome my faults and to prepare me for the real world of surving and getting along with others.
They are still limted by what my nature is.
While I agree that there are ingrained personality trends, I strongly believe that they are not "limiting" and easily overcome through nuture.
Nature and nurture, but still parents can only do so much with an unwilling child.
Similar to alcohol/drug treatment programs, the first (biggest step) is to (be willing to) admit you have a problem.
The best descriptor for people are “polite people” and “rude people”. It matters far more than skin color.
People who are “polite”, are that way personally, as are their family, for the most part (excepting the “black sheep” who are rude), their friends, and the majority of their lives which are spent in polite pastimes. They prefer politeness, are attracted to it, and enjoy the recognition that they are polite.
And as with politeness for polite people, rudeness permeates the lives of the rude. It is in their dress, their manner, their language, their behavior, tastes, and preferences. Rude people do not like or appreciate politeness in themselves or others. They shun it and sneer at it.
They enjoy when a polite person is brought low, and even reject the idea that others can be polite in the first place. In truth, they are not happy, because most things that will give people happiness are achieved through hard work, not wishing, hoping or praying to be given them for free.
Once people are looked at in this light, it is easy to ignore skin color, and communicate “polite person to polite person”. Polite black people feel, with some justification, that they have to work extra hard to be seen by white polite people as polite people, and so are grateful when they do get the recognition and respect they deserve.
It grates on polite black people when they are compared with rude black people, by anyone. The most common comparison is, oddly enough, for polite black people to be ignored.
This is because all polite people defend themselves against rude people by ignoring them, not wanting to have anything to do with them, or getting caught up in their rudeness. For a polite person to ignore another polite person is, in a way, calling them rude.
The recognition of polite black people as polite is sincerely appreciated by them. It is a recognition of their hard work to become and remain polite people, as well as a recognition that they are *not* rude people.
Of course, there are those who insult polite black people by comparing them with rude black people. This is usually done by rude people of whatever skin color to try and tear down polite black people.
How odd. I wasn't born alone....I'm pretty sure the doctor was there and I'm very certain that Mom was also.
You have FReepmail
I was just thinking that same thing.
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