Posted on 02/08/2008 3:24:24 PM PST by oldtimer2
ROB LONG (humor)
Transcript from Larry King Live February 4, 2009
LARRY KING: “From Rawlins, Wyoming! Hello!”
CALLER: “Hi, Larry. I’d like to ask your guest if she intends to keep her maiden name.”
LARRY KING: “Good question. Your name. You’ve been back and forth on it. What’s gonna be the deal?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Well, Larry, I’ve always been Hillary Rodham, and then when I was married to Bill, I was Hillary Rodham Clinton, and then of course with all of those forms and so forth — ”
LARRY KING: “Legalese! It’s killing us!”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Right, right. So it was easier to just keep it simple. Hillary Clinton.”
LARRY KING: “But Bill’s been dead for . . . what? Nine months?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Eleven. And two weeks. And three days.”
LARRY KING: “And so now the healing starts.”
HILLARY CLINTON: “And sixteen minutes.”
LARRY KING: “From Stevens Creek, California! Hello!”
CALLER: “Hi, Larry, hi Mrs. Clinton. I want to know if you have any regrets about the way the campaign ended up last year. And if you still have plans to run again?”
LARRY KING: “What about it? Tough year. Obama. Then the thing with Bill. The . . . heart attack? Was it a heart attack? The ticker just went pop? Been there, folks! Been there, felt that!”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Honestly, Larry, we don’t really know. We’re trying to get to the bottom of it, but the Chappaqua medical examiner’s office has been less than forthcoming. As near as I can tell — and remember, I was in the middle of a pretty intense presidential campaign at the time — he had a heart attack, fell down the stairs, and that was that.”
LARRY KING: “I know he had a history of heart disease. But the cause of death was ruled as ‘poison.’”
HILLARY CLINTON: “That’s correct, Larry. Apparently, he fell down the stairs onto an open bottle of poison, somehow ingested a large amount . . .”
LARRY KING: “Amazing. And I’ve had heart attacks, friends, so I know they can be disorientating.”
HILLARY CLINTON: “It was a tragedy, Larry. Of course, I was devastated. What we shared . . . well, it was a very special thing. It’s been hard to heal, of course. Very painful. But Bill would have wanted me to go on . . .”
LARRY KING: “Would you like a tissue?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Thank you, Larry.”
LARRY KING: “From Rockport, Maine! Hello!”
CALLER: “Hi, Larry. Mrs. Clinton, I was wondering if you have any thoughts about the new McCain administration. Have you talked to him? And how do you think he’s doing?”
LARRY KING: “The one hundred days! Important stuff! Up! Down! Your thoughts!”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Well, as you know, Larry, I endorsed Senator McCain shortly after I left the race myself, due to the unfortunate events with Bill and so forth, and I’ve been pleased to see him moving forward on a lot of the issues that I talked about during my campaign — national health insurance, higher income taxes, that sort of thing — but even I have been surprised by some of his initiatives.”
LARRY KING: “The open borders?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Not just opening them up. But the welcome barbeques, the logo tote bags, the free skin-care products, all of it.”
LARRY KING: “He’s taken it to a whole ’nother level!”
HILLARY CLINTON: “And nobody expected him to switch parties. Especially not to the Peace and Freedom party.”
LARRY KING: “He’s a maverick! He’s outside the box! From Detroit, Michigan! Hello!”
CALLER: “Hi, Mrs. Clinton. I was wondering if you have any plans to remarry?”
LARRY KING: “Great question! Well? Got the itch? Lemme be the first to say, marriage is great after sixty! The sex, even better than it was at fifty-five!”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Oh, this is all very premature.”
LARRY KING: “Is there a man in your life? Is there a guy for Hillary Clinton?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “You know, Larry, I just haven’t had a moment to think about that kind of thing. I’ve been focusing on healing, and the family, and the issues that I care about. And Bill’s death is so recent . . .”
LARRY KING: “Would he have wanted you to date?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “That’s a very complicated question, Larry.”
LARRY KING: “But he was a guy who understood something about physical needs, right? About the human desire for touch.”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Um . . .”
LARRY KING: “He wouldn’t have begrudged you, would he? You know who would be good for you? I keep thinking a Mort Zuckerman. A Ron Perelman.”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Aren’t both of those gentlemen married?”
LARRY KING: “I didn’t say get married to them! I said, go out, have a few drinks, have some laughs! Look at me! I’m a yenta all of a sudden!”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Honestly, Larry, I’m just looking forward to putting this all behind me, and then moving on.”
LARRY KING: “You’re talking about the inquest?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “Yes. It’s all so unnecessary. People just love to make things into these big conspiracies.”
LARRY KING: “They’re trying to explain the stab wounds?”
HILLARY CLINTON: “But they’re so easy to explain! Bill had a heart attack, then fell down the stairs onto a bottle of poison, ate some, then got up to call 9-1-1, and when reaching for the phone he mistakenly grabbed a knife from the counter, stabbed himself several times in the chest and neck and face and abdomen, raced to the garage, and collapsed in the trunk of the car. Why is that so hard to understand?”
LARRY KING: “Makes sense to me! Tomorrow night! The whole hour with Lorna Luft!”
They didn’t get to the part where the body was found in the Hudson River, drowned.
LARRY KING: “Great question! Well? Got the itch? Lemme be the first to say, marriage is great after sixty! The sex, even better than it was at fifty-five!”
But that's just gross coming from lizard-eyes.
They say the funniest comedy has it's basis in fact.
That said, I have long suspicioned the bubba's best chance for living much past the election if for hitlery to loose.
If she wins, he's unneeded baggage - who will still hog the camera and strut about as the real President.
I don't see madam brooking this - she would not share the spotlight.
If she gets elected, bubba better watch his back - and front = and both sides.
The author was smart not to include the word “pimp” anywhere..
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