I don't see how either of those examples precludes the possibility that SOME instances of infidelity may have been avoided had the relationship at home been different. That some men completely lack restraint, while others have incredible restraint, does not mean there are no men in between.
Again, infidelity is a symptom of something wrong in that person’s character, not a ‘I wasn’t getting laid so I went looking for some strange.’ They will cheat for a host of reasons, and now, thanks to dear old ‘dr’ L, they can blame it on getting laid only 5 times a week instead of 6 /sarc.
Right. A person's character always plays a role in their decision to cheat. But there are some men who might have been able to overcome those character flaws if they had not been additionally weakened by having unmet physiological needs.
It's kind of like a person trying to lose weight. It's always their choice to pick up food and eat it. Some people can never make any progress simply because they don't feel like controlling themselves. Some people have an iron will when it comes to health, and no matter what is going on around them, they'll stick to carrots and tofu. But some people who are unable to control their diet MIGHT have been able to do so if those around them were more supportive, right?
OK,
Let me clarify one more time....
If ‘dr.’ L had said “Problems with fidelity in marriage can result from spouses who are not providing adequate or loving sex.” Because I know of women who’ve been unfaithful too.
Or even broader “Spouses will have a hard time being faithful when their needs aren’t being met”
(both spouses and all kinds of needs).
Then I’d be all behind her...but the way it was phrased, as well as her hx of playing to the XY crowd (and yes, I’ve read all her books) makes her look more like she’s going for sensationalism over fact. And throwing another bomb into the ‘women are spoiled rotten and deserve all kinds of crap’ arguments that don’t hold water.
Really, do a random poll with folks who’ve had cheating spouses....most will tell you that their cheating spouses picked fights, found fault with everything, were irritable and hard to please and in general, found a reason to be unfaithful...
IOW, if it isn’t sex, it’ll be something else.