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I know a guy who displayed his Knights of Columbus Color Guard sword to his daughter’s Prom date. She said she never saw him again.

I know a guy who displayed his Knights of Columbus Color Guard sword to his daughter’s Prom date. She said she never saw him again.

I always liked cleaning the shotgun on the front porch :-)

This topic - teenage daughters and their dates - came up at a dinner Saturday night.

One man said he always made sure he was feeding items into the wood chipper when the date arrived!

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?               ___Yes  ___No
Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No
If No, explain:
       ______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?                    __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?                                      __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?            __Yes  __No

E. A tattoo?                                        __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,               __Yes  __No
   pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? 

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION: 

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

       father? _____________

       mother? _____________

       pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: 

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

       ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

       ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

       ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

       ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

       ______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

       ______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________      ________________________________
Mother's Signature                   Father's Signature

_______________________________      ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                  State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)

My daughter recently turned 15 and on her bday, she wanted to invite her new crush to our home. Well, she also has two older brothers and three older cousins, one who is a young Marine. They were also at her b’day party; all five of them. They got wind that she had extended the boy an invite and they gathered in our back yard to wait for him. I allowed the fellow to come because there was parental supervision; however, I did not realize “the boys” had schemed to interrogate and basically terrify the kid. The boy came over and they all hung out in the back yard for a while...together. I’ve been told the young fellow that my daughter invited is now too scared to even glance her way. I’ve been told he’s also warned others. Our phone doesn’t ring so much lately.