Posted on 08/06/2008 7:52:02 AM PDT by qam1
Over the past 35 years we have been waiting longer and playing the field more before settling down. According to the Office for National Statistics, men are getting married for the first time seven years later and women six years later. This means that the average man is aged 32 when he asks “Will you marry me?” and the average woman is 29 when she says “Yes”.
But is this trend towards the thirtysomething marriage making us happier and more satisfied? And when it comes to the fortysomething crunch - the most common age for divorce - who is most vulnerable: those who took the plunge early at twentysomething or the ones who waited until thirtysomething?
When couples seek my help as a marital therapist, I start by asking for the history of their relationship. People who married in their twenties often report tough times at the beginning: living with in-laws, financial problems or moving around the country as one partner climbed the career ladder. Most couples overcome these problems....
.....
Yet, when faced with fortysomething couples in crisis, I always feel more optimistic about the outcome for those who married in their twenties than those who married in their thirties. Why should this be? If you marry later, you are more likely to bring old baggage into your relationship. In some cases, I help couples to unravel the influence of someone from maybe two or three relationships back. For example, to someone who once had a suspicious partner - forever quizzing them about their movements - an innocent inquiry such as: “What time will you be back?” can sound aggressive........
(Excerpt) Read more at women.timesonline.co.uk ...
Actually one of the authors points was that the longer you wait to get married the more likely you are to bring the baggage from your previous crash and burns to your marriage, because you will have a lot more of them.
The longer you wait to get married, the more likely you are to crash, as a general statement is not innaccurate. It is more difficult the older one gets to get over the selfishness that a lifetime of being on ones own can bring. I'm not saying everyone who marries older crashes, just saying its a tougher adjustment and many fail to make it.
Amen. I always find these sorts of threads a little frustrating, because those who *did* meet spouses young will show up and say "Yes! Of course!" when the reality is that people don't generally just sit down and decide they'll get married in the next year or two, without having someone in mind. It just doesn't work that way.
I'm thirty-one and single. And sometimes, it can be really a downer. I was one of those Catholic gals who hoped to be married at twenty-one or twenty-two and have a bunch of kids straight off. Didn't happen, but I wasn't as though I actively said, "Hey, I'd rather just work and do my own thing than get married and have kids."
At worst, I guess, I'll get to be the crazy spinster aunt to my growing number of nieces and nephews. ;-) Could be worse.
I just got back from a family wedding in Alberta over the weekend. The couple (my older bro was the groom) were in their early to mid 30s. And, since the courtship was eight years long, I have every bit of confidence that they will make it. Both my parents (legal immigrants to the States) married around age 30 and they stayed together to the end.
BUMP!
I am a "bit" bizarre, and went hunting early explicitly for a WIFE, got engaged at 17 (a few days before my 18th bday) and then married a few years later (when we saved enough to afford a nice wedding - the honeymoon, however, had to wait another 4 years). I met and spoke with her parents the day after I met her. Didn't waste a single date with any girl who was not marriage material (bad genes, bad looks, bad habits, bad influences, bad character) - no baggage, no drama, no regrets. Most may consider that cold and calculating, which is a fair enough assessment.
This approach is certainly not for everyone, and I would not exactly recommend it to most young people (who have no idea who they themselves are, have no idea what they want in life, and do not have the maturity to make a lifelong commitment).
I knew just how quickly their childhood would pass. I would not have had that perspective as a 20-something. So, I was able to thoroughly enjoy every last second of my kids’ childhood.
That's one big reason that I am happy we didn't have kids in our 20's. I know that we would not have appreciated them as much as we will now in our 30's. BTW - I have #1 on the way at age 33 and I am not even close to being the oldest among my circle of friends in starting a family.
Bingo. I strongly suspect that it is the number and depth of previous relationships (break-ups) that is the real predictor of eventual divorce and not simply marrying older. Although people who wed later tend to have had more serious break-ups than those who marry earlier, the number of serious break-ups is almost assuredly the causative factor. It will take a differential study to definitively identify the true independent variable at play here, but it seems obvious to me even though I married in my mid-20's.
Thanks for the ping.
If the article had been written to begin with the folowing, “Since 1973 . . . “, I wouldn’t have had a problem understanding it.
I pray for the return of the day of reporters and the extinction journalists.
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