Why it's best to marry in your twenties

Times Online ^ | 8/6/08 | Andrew G. Marshall

[HamiltonJay]

The author’s point is that people with longer marriages are more likely to survive

Actually one of the authors points was that the longer you wait to get married the more likely you are to bring the baggage from your previous crash and burns to your marriage, because you will have a lot more of them.

The longer you wait to get married, the more likely you are to crash, as a general statement is not innaccurate. It is more difficult the older one gets to get over the selfishness that a lifetime of being on ones own can bring. I'm not saying everyone who marries older crashes, just saying its a tougher adjustment and many fail to make it.

[RosieCotton]

For Christians, it’s always best to marry whenever God brings you your spouse. He knows far better than any studies.

Amen. I always find these sorts of threads a little frustrating, because those who *did* meet spouses young will show up and say "Yes! Of course!" when the reality is that people don't generally just sit down and decide they'll get married in the next year or two, without having someone in mind. It just doesn't work that way.

I'm thirty-one and single. And sometimes, it can be really a downer. I was one of those Catholic gals who hoped to be married at twenty-one or twenty-two and have a bunch of kids straight off. Didn't happen, but I wasn't as though I actively said, "Hey, I'd rather just work and do my own thing than get married and have kids."

At worst, I guess, I'll get to be the crazy spinster aunt to my growing number of nieces and nephews. ;-) Could be worse.

[rabscuttle385]

I don't think it's about when you marry, but whom you marry and whether you are mature enough to fully commit yourself to the other person and JUST STAY WITH THEM.

I just got back from a family wedding in Alberta over the weekend. The couple (my older bro was the groom) were in their early to mid 30s. And, since the courtship was eight years long, I have every bit of confidence that they will make it. Both my parents (legal immigrants to the States) married around age 30 and they stayed together to the end.

[rabscuttle385]

Everyone I personally know who have married in their late 20’s/early 30’s is still together.

BUMP!

[M203M4]

A few years ago, we went to a small restaurant to celebrate our anniversary, and the elderly host/owner, after asking what the occasion was, wanted to toast (sparkling cider - recreational intoxicants bestow only mental and physical detriment) our wedding anniversary. After reciting a poem and toasting, he said, "which anniversary?" His jaw dropped when my wife (who was last year accosted by the "frosh patrol" when attending a conference held on a campus) said "tenth".

I am a "bit" bizarre, and went hunting early explicitly for a WIFE, got engaged at 17 (a few days before my 18th bday) and then married a few years later (when we saved enough to afford a nice wedding - the honeymoon, however, had to wait another 4 years). I met and spoke with her parents the day after I met her. Didn't waste a single date with any girl who was not marriage material (bad genes, bad looks, bad habits, bad influences, bad character) - no baggage, no drama, no regrets. Most may consider that cold and calculating, which is a fair enough assessment.

This approach is certainly not for everyone, and I would not exactly recommend it to most young people (who have no idea who they themselves are, have no idea what they want in life, and do not have the maturity to make a lifelong commitment).

[inflorida]

I knew just how quickly their childhood would pass. I would not have had that perspective as a 20-something. So, I was able to thoroughly enjoy every last second of my kids’ childhood.

That's one big reason that I am happy we didn't have kids in our 20's. I know that we would not have appreciated them as much as we will now in our 30's. BTW - I have #1 on the way at age 33 and I am not even close to being the oldest among my circle of friends in starting a family.

[PigRigger]

One of my offspring is a 14 year old girl.....if only I had a dollar for everything she claims to know.....

Our only saving grace is church.....she's a new person for a couple of days thereafter.....my wife who is Jewish, has stated on more than one occasion after a confrontation, "Sunday can't come soon enough"....

Rebellious....the only word I can use to describe her attitude 50% of the time...but than again I was no picnic either.....

[Ronaldus Magnus]

When it comes time to choose between working it out and breaking up, the folks who got married later have much more practice at breaking up than staying together, so it seems like an easier thing to do.

Bingo. I strongly suspect that it is the number and depth of previous relationships (break-ups) that is the real predictor of eventual divorce and not simply marrying older. Although people who wed later tend to have had more serious break-ups than those who marry earlier, the number of serious break-ups is almost assuredly the causative factor. It will take a differential study to definitively identify the true independent variable at play here, but it seems obvious to me even though I married in my mid-20's.

[GOPJ]

Thanks for the ping.

[em2vn]

If the article had been written to begin with the folowing, “Since 1973 . . . “, I wouldn’t have had a problem understanding it.
I pray for the return of the day of reporters and the extinction journalists.