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HA!

There is solid evidence that Sarah Palin may have been fully naked (aka nude) at certain times during her term as Governor, may have worn scandalous lingerie at other points, and may have even engaged in wild sex acts in private that would be positively scandalous in public. Although the full details are still unavailable, it’s come to light that Sarah Palin repeatedly exploited a blue-collar Eskimo worker for her own private amusement in the bedroom, and that she had sex with him on at least four separate occasions. It’s also well-known in Alaska that Sarah Palin got pregnant by a young snowmobile racer (see photo at right). (The snowmobiler openly admits he is the father of Palin’s child. Palin claims her husband “Todd” is the father.)

The allegations don’t stop there. In the course of our investigations, we have uncovered that there are very credible allegations of topless dancing, moose-tipping, mooning, miscegenation, murder, Mormonism, racketeering, racism, favoritism, flatulence, “Fairbanks hot plates,” goobery, global warming, oral sex, orgies, onanism, Catholicism, conspiracy, carbon emissions, corruption, cronyism, cover-ups, climate change, cohabitation, cornhole, usury, short-sheeting, smuggling, satan worship, Santaria (aka “voodoo”), infidelity, whistle-blowing, animal sex (including bestiality), astigmatism, abortion, prostitution, polyamory, peeing in the snow, papism, pornographic (aka “porn” or “sex”) videos, embezzlement, bribery, battery, barratry, bigotry, buggery, backroom dealing, nepotism, nihilism, nudity, dildos, and various gay / lesbian activity (i.e., sodomy) taking place in Alaska, the very state Sarah Palin promised to clean up.

There are credible claims that Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie and Pat Buchanan have each visited Sarah Palin’s state on at least one occasion—and engaged in who knows what sort of illicit and/or racist behavior while they were there. The Pat Buchanan allegations are particularly disturbing, owing to the fact that the Alaska governor had full knowledge of Buchanan’s travel plans and allowed Buchanan safe passage into and out of Alaska without even detaining or questioning him. Some claim that Buchanan was even granted “protection” by Alaska state police and local law enforcement. If any state or local law enforcement officials made any formal requests for authorization to capture or kill Pat Buchanan, such requests fell on deaf ears, and were very likely suppressed at the very highest levels of government. Was this the real reason Michael Wooten and Walter Monegan fell out of favor with the Ice Queen? Were they threatening to blow the whistle? I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg.