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SATIRE: New Palin Scandal!
The Edwards Report, the right wing Onion rip-off ^ | 09/02/08 | The Edwards Report

Posted on 09/02/2008 11:09:18 PM PDT by Rushjr79

(Satire) The political world was thrown into chaos Tuesday night as a possible devastating scandal involving Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and one of her children emerged. The New York Times is set to report in five front page articles on Wednesday morning that Piper, the Palin’s 6-year-old daughter, has been a very naughty girl, raising questions about Gov. Palin’s governing abilities. Among other shocking details, the Times is revealing that Piper once stayed up past bedtime and refused to eat her vegetables. Bernice Satanica, the head of Humorless Alliance for Grrls! (HAG), responded to the revelations by asking, “If she can’t get her 6-year-old to eat broccoli, can we really trust her to negotiate with Ahmadinejad? What kind of mother has ever had a child that disobeyed them?” Campbell Brown, a CNN anchor who also works as a spokesman for the Obama campaign, asked (read the rest at http://www.edwardsreport.com).

(Excerpt) Read more at edwardsreport.com ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: palin; sarahpalin

1 posted on 09/02/2008 11:09:18 PM PDT by Rushjr79
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To: Rushjr79

That Piper . . . such a rebel . . . lol. My blessings and prayers are with the Palin family during this massive attack. May God continue to guide and protect them all. Love the Parody!


2 posted on 09/02/2008 11:11:09 PM PDT by GOP Poet
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To: Rushjr79

Love the satire! Funny, fun, and refreshing.


3 posted on 09/02/2008 11:12:39 PM PDT by GOP Poet
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To: Rushjr79

Hey, are you sure that’s satire? I wouldn’t put any ridiculous thing past the lsm lately.


4 posted on 09/02/2008 11:13:57 PM PDT by freeangel ( (free speech is only good until someone else doesn't like what you say))
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To: Rushjr79

CNN - BREAKING NEWS: Palin Governor of State That Doesn’t Even Touch the Other States

Wolf Blitzer: It is a wonder that the McCain camp could pick someone so out of touch, so inexperienced with Continental America.

(Unidentified Pundit): Yeah, it makes you wonder if McCain vetted her at all.


5 posted on 09/02/2008 11:16:03 PM PDT by Tublecane
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Comment #6 Removed by Moderator

To: Rushjr79

Supposedly, some liberal “blogger” has obtained photos off the name PALIN written in a yellow substance outside of Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole.


7 posted on 09/02/2008 11:25:50 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (McCain/Palin '08! Real change you won't have to "believe in." You'll be able to see it!!!)
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To: Rushjr79

Funny stuff! :-)

The way the moonbat lefties jump on anything to build a scandal it might have been wise to create some outlandish fake ones for them to discover...then make them look extremely foolish when proven wrong.
It’s the sort of thing best done by a lone operator, so that no one will blab.


8 posted on 09/02/2008 11:26:26 PM PDT by Bobalu (Obama wants to raise taxes and kill babies. Palin wants to raise babies and kill taxes.)
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Comment #9 Removed by Moderator

To: PowerPro

lol “(aka nude)”


10 posted on 09/02/2008 11:31:30 PM PDT by Tublecane
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To: FlingWingFlyer
Supposedly, some liberal “blogger” has obtained photos off the name PALIN written in a yellow substance outside of Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole.

Urinalysis reveals it is Barack Obama's, but the handwriting is Deval Patrick's.

11 posted on 09/02/2008 11:32:59 PM PDT by FredZarguna (DNA: Not just another half palindrome for AND anymore.)
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To: FredZarguna

That’s a 10.


12 posted on 09/02/2008 11:35:17 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (McCain/Palin '08! Real change you won't have to "believe in." You'll be able to see it!!!)
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To: PowerPro

HA!

There is solid evidence that Sarah Palin may have been fully naked (aka nude) at certain times during her term as Governor, may have worn scandalous lingerie at other points, and may have even engaged in wild sex acts in private that would be positively scandalous in public. Although the full details are still unavailable, it’s come to light that Sarah Palin repeatedly exploited a blue-collar Eskimo worker for her own private amusement in the bedroom, and that she had sex with him on at least four separate occasions. It’s also well-known in Alaska that Sarah Palin got pregnant by a young snowmobile racer (see photo at right). (The snowmobiler openly admits he is the father of Palin’s child. Palin claims her husband “Todd” is the father.)

The allegations don’t stop there. In the course of our investigations, we have uncovered that there are very credible allegations of topless dancing, moose-tipping, mooning, miscegenation, murder, Mormonism, racketeering, racism, favoritism, flatulence, “Fairbanks hot plates,” goobery, global warming, oral sex, orgies, onanism, Catholicism, conspiracy, carbon emissions, corruption, cronyism, cover-ups, climate change, cohabitation, cornhole, usury, short-sheeting, smuggling, satan worship, Santaria (aka “voodoo”), infidelity, whistle-blowing, animal sex (including bestiality), astigmatism, abortion, prostitution, polyamory, peeing in the snow, papism, pornographic (aka “porn” or “sex”) videos, embezzlement, bribery, battery, barratry, bigotry, buggery, backroom dealing, nepotism, nihilism, nudity, dildos, and various gay / lesbian activity (i.e., sodomy) taking place in Alaska, the very state Sarah Palin promised to clean up.

There are credible claims that Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie and Pat Buchanan have each visited Sarah Palin’s state on at least one occasion—and engaged in who knows what sort of illicit and/or racist behavior while they were there. The Pat Buchanan allegations are particularly disturbing, owing to the fact that the Alaska governor had full knowledge of Buchanan’s travel plans and allowed Buchanan safe passage into and out of Alaska without even detaining or questioning him. Some claim that Buchanan was even granted “protection” by Alaska state police and local law enforcement. If any state or local law enforcement officials made any formal requests for authorization to capture or kill Pat Buchanan, such requests fell on deaf ears, and were very likely suppressed at the very highest levels of government. Was this the real reason Michael Wooten and Walter Monegan fell out of favor with the Ice Queen? Were they threatening to blow the whistle? I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg.


13 posted on 09/02/2008 11:37:50 PM PDT by lesser_satan (Satire today, headlines tomorrow...)
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To: Tublecane
CNN - BREAKING NEWS: Palin Governor of State That Doesn’t Even Touch the Other States

Wolf Blitzer: It is a wonder that the McCain camp could pick someone so out of touch, so inexperienced with Continental America.

(Unidentified Pundit): Yeah, it makes you wonder if McCain vetted her at all.

Umm Wolf: Obama's from Hawaii. (gulp!)

14 posted on 09/02/2008 11:38:56 PM PDT by The Shrew (www.ToSetTheRecordStraight.com/www.swiftvets.com/www.wintersoldier.com-The Truth Shall Set YOU Free!)
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Comment #15 Removed by Moderator

To: vanishing liberty

It’s not the pregnancy we object to.

It’s the premarital sex.

We don’t like to see premarital sex glorified. We don’t like to see minor girls, or their babies vilified.

Ponder the difference. It’s a little tough to grasp, but it’s there.


16 posted on 09/02/2008 11:55:22 PM PDT by Marie2 (Everything the left does has the effect and intent of destroying the traditional family.)
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To: vanishing liberty

...or then again would we ask how many abortions Chelsea has had if any, and what type of birth control method has she employed both as a teen and an adult?
They attribute the worst to conservatives and say that we need to stay out of their vaginas...
But they intrusively seek to investigate all emissions from Gov. Palin’s!
Hypocrites to the ‘nth degree!


17 posted on 09/03/2008 12:00:10 AM PDT by antceecee (LarryKing,CNN,MSNBC,KatieCouric et.al...: Our daughter's lives are none of your freakin' business!)
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To: Rushjr79

As I recall GB senior wouldn’t eat his brocolli either.


18 posted on 09/03/2008 12:02:18 AM PDT by Always Independent
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To: Marie2

“We don’t like to see premarital sex glorified. We don’t like to see minor girls, or their babies vilified.”

So how should the press have handled it? Should Palin’s daughter have given a speech saying she regretted the premarital sex and is now against it?


19 posted on 09/03/2008 12:05:06 AM PDT by vanishing liberty
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To: lesser_satan
You could get a well paying position as a writer at the NY Slimes.

Well done little piece of satire.

20 posted on 09/03/2008 12:06:45 AM PDT by VideoDoctor
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To: antceecee

“Hypocrites to the ‘nth degree!”

You’re exactly 100% right. And in retaliation, the next time one of theirs slips up we’ll be there to pile on in retribution, and things will never change. We’ve got to be big enough to stop this attacking the other party as being personally immoral and keep the focus on how they govern.


21 posted on 09/03/2008 12:08:51 AM PDT by vanishing liberty
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To: GOP Poet
It's not satire. Piper is a bad seed

Notice that she's giving her mom "bunny ears"

22 posted on 09/03/2008 12:11:37 AM PDT by Oztrich Boy (Anybody remember the old days when the US Presidential race was boring?)
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To: vanishing liberty

No, I don’t think any minor kids of any candidate, male or female, should give a speech. I guess if it’s a free country, they could if they want to. But I wouldn’t encourage it.

I think the press should leave the Obama little girls alone, except for little human interest stories like them in their Easter dresses or them waving at the crowds from the Grecian stage.

I think the press should leave the Palin kids alone, except for the brief intro given when Palin was nominated, or picture of them cheering for their dad at a snowmobile race.

I think Chelsea Clinton should have been off limits, except maybe for a graduation photo or something generally harmless and nice like that.

Going back to Carter’s daughter, I think she should have been left alone. Didn’t the media make fun of her from time to time? Something about a lemonade stand? I was a minor myself at that point.

Our elected officials and our nominees have families. When they are minors, it is fine to know they exist, to know their names, their ages, see an appropriate photo or video at a non-controversial moment.

And that’s enough. It’s not that difficult of a concept.


23 posted on 09/03/2008 12:38:32 AM PDT by Marie2 (Everything the left does has the effect and intent of destroying the traditional family.)
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To: Oztrich Boy

Ah . . . you are right the fated ‘bunny ears’—originated in the infamous ‘Bunny Gang.” known to roam the NW. :-).


24 posted on 09/03/2008 12:41:38 AM PDT by GOP Poet
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To: Rushjr79

I hear that Palin may have a Library book overdue!

She once tore a “do not remove” tag off a piece of furniture.

And only last year was seen wearing white after Labor Day!


25 posted on 09/03/2008 12:52:22 AM PDT by Wil H
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To: Always Independent
As I recall GB senior wouldn’t eat his brocolli either.

Why, I do declare! You are 100% correct!

the infowarrior

26 posted on 09/03/2008 12:59:40 AM PDT by infowarrior (“Let the voters decide if Palin is laughable.”-Tublecane)
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To: VideoDoctor

Thanks, but I copied it from the link provided in #6: http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/193845.php


27 posted on 09/03/2008 1:29:48 AM PDT by lesser_satan (Satire today, headlines tomorrow...)
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To: Oztrich Boy

BTW, how long until they go after her for that? ATVs have warning stickers that say not to carry passengers. Everybody does anyway, but I guarantee you they’ll slime her for it.


28 posted on 09/03/2008 1:31:10 AM PDT by lesser_satan (Satire today, headlines tomorrow...)
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To: Rushjr79
Rumor has it she's been caught on tape making derogatory comments about "grits"...


29 posted on 09/03/2008 2:25:17 AM PDT by Caipirabob (Communists... Socialists... Democrats...Traitors... Who can tell the difference?)
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To: Rushjr79

Does anyone remember one of the first tv bloopers when a rabbi had his family with him to explain Hanukkah and the youngest boy began making faces in the camera? The camera man narrowed the shot to exclude the boy (I canNOT remember his name), so the boy reached out to annoy his older brother, pushing the yarmulke (sp) over his face.... I have it on VHS tape somewhere.


30 posted on 09/03/2008 3:02:41 AM PDT by eccentric (a.k.a. baldwidow)
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To: Rushjr79

LOL!


31 posted on 09/03/2008 3:37:44 AM PDT by JoeGar
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To: FredZarguna
Urinalysis reveals it is Barack Obama's, but the handwriting is Deval Patrick's.

Yea, I gotcha, goodun..

32 posted on 09/03/2008 3:41:38 AM PDT by my right
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To: The Shrew

CNN is wrong it does touch another state...Canada our 57th state. Even the Obamanation knows this.


33 posted on 09/03/2008 4:17:13 AM PDT by Merlinator (Stop the Obamination!)
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To: FredZarguna
Urinalysis reveals it is Barack Obama's, but the handwriting is Deval Patrick's.

Excellent

34 posted on 09/03/2008 4:44:57 AM PDT by TangoLimaSierra (When the rapture comes, can I have your stuff?)
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To: Rushjr79

” . . . Anderson Cooper, who had just returned from a day of antique shopping and Appletinis with his girlfriend, Anita Beard.”

That’s priceless!


35 posted on 09/03/2008 5:01:47 AM PDT by Old Grumpy
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To: Tublecane

“CNN - BREAKING NEWS: Palin Governor of State That Doesn’t Even Touch the Other States

Wolf Blitzer: It is a wonder that the McCain camp could pick someone so out of touch, so inexperienced with Continental America.”

They basically raised that very question.


36 posted on 09/03/2008 5:25:53 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland ("We have to drain the swamp" George Bush, September 2001)
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To: Rushjr79
Photobucket THIS IS THE MSM FOCUS, OBSESSION AND DREAM.
37 posted on 09/03/2008 5:31:33 AM PDT by RetSignman (DEMSM: "If you tell a big enough lie, frequently enough, it becomes the truth")
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To: GOP Poet

That is it...we need to pray a hedge pf protection around this family. The pure evil in the media is astounding regarding Sarah. I’m blown away.


38 posted on 09/03/2008 6:33:06 AM PDT by mpackard (Proud mama of a Sailor.)
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To: Rushjr79

LOL Funny stuff.


39 posted on 09/03/2008 7:06:42 AM PDT by beckysueb (Drill here! Drill now!)
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To: FlingWingFlyer

Well that does it! I talked to my sister in laws boyfriends roommates aunts cousins friend who is a lifelong Republican, a member of the NRA and attended Bob Jones University and is a member of the militia and is now going to vote Obama.


40 posted on 09/03/2008 7:11:09 AM PDT by beckysueb (Drill here! Drill now!)
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To: lesser_satan

Great satire!


41 posted on 09/03/2008 7:14:49 AM PDT by beckysueb (Drill here! Drill now!)
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To: Rushjr79

I am waiting to here from the liberals that Palin uses makeup that was tested on animals. The Horror! The left is running scared and Palin’s speech will go, “Boo!”


42 posted on 09/03/2008 7:19:02 AM PDT by CodeToad
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To: Wil H

You’re not too far off. The media has been scouring the librarys in Alaska trying to find out if Palin had certain books banned from the library. Probably trying to find out her reading habits, too. This is not satire. It’s for real. It’s kind of hard to tell the difference anymore.


43 posted on 09/03/2008 7:20:57 AM PDT by beckysueb (Drill here! Drill now!)
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To: RetSignman

I bet that one winds up at Dkos and DU. Yes they are that stupid. They will probably shop Piper back to normal but leave Willow and Bristol like that.


44 posted on 09/03/2008 7:24:22 AM PDT by beckysueb (Drill here! Drill now!)
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