Posted on 12/23/2008 12:09:15 AM PST by goldstategop
I agree. When the main priority of the loving husband and the loving wife is the happiness and well being of the other, all the elements of a happy marriage and family fall into place.
Dennis Prager is correct, with the basic assumptions he listed and common sense. Most women do not understand men. I assume the reciprocal case is also true, that most men do not understand women. If you love someone, you are going to bond with them and give them what you can.
I wonder if she knew how incredibly sexy that "period" made her sentence. In a healthy marriage, that is a wonderful bond between a man and a woman.
What an interesting thread.
Some of the posts, hell...
A good mariage, relationship, is equal.
A bad day is a bad day. Deal with it. There are times getting into sweats and relaxing is all one needs.
Mutual passion is pure heaven. Something wonderful.
If one or the other had a bad day and just wants to do, well, nothing...give them space. It does not take a rocket scientist to know a bad day is what it is. One does not owe the other anything. Mutual love and respect is perfect.
Of course, knowing how to get the other to relax and blow off a bad work day......
Oh my!!!!
If not, deal with it.
Reading some of the reactions on this thread just reinforces my reluctance to ever get married. Yes, it's unreasonable to expect a woman to drop everything and be intimate with her husband precisely when he wants it, every time he wants it. I suspect this is not what Mr. Prager is advocating (but I can see where one would get that impression from what he has written).
But I don't think a little give-and-take is unreasonable. If hubby is all hot and bothered and you're not quite feeling it, why not tell him "Right now's not so good, but if you can wait till tonight/tomorrow I guarantee it will be worth it!" I suspect most men would be willing to wait- I would- and the anticipation might make things more interesting for both spouses. Or if there is something wrong, tell him about it so he can help. But a flat-out rejection with no explanation just makes it seem like she isn't interested anymore.
Of course I would expect to take the same approach for a lot of things I may not always be enthused about in a relationship. I'm not always ready for a conversation on the "state of the relationship" at the drop of a hat. Nor am I always in the mood to a be a sounding board for my SO's daily struggles, or to review the latest batch of shoes she purchased during a shopping spree. That's not to say I don't like conversing with my partner, or lending her a sympathetic ear, or sharing her interests. It's just that I don't approach these things in the same way women do. Even still, if it's something she cares about I feel like I should make some effort to accommodate her wants.
If my wife came home wanting to tell me about the horrible day she had, I would never respond with "I really don't want to hear it. I'm stressed and I have a lot going on right now." Even if I didn't want to hear it, I would either set aside what I was doing and listen, or at least tell her that I could be more supportive in an hour or so. I wouldn't just reject her outright, or expect her to perform certain tasks (say, making me a drink) to get me in more of a listening mood.
But I get the sense that if I came home looking for some physical intimacy, a lot of women would think it perfectly appropriate to tell me "I really don't want to. I'm stressed and I have a lot going on right now."
This was one of the most interesting threads I’ve ever read. Fun and informative at the same time.
I’ve been reading it on and off today but haven’t read all the posts yet. It caught my husband’s eye earlier, too so that was a fun discussion :) LOL
Maybe I’ve been lucky...making love/sex/sexual intimacy/whatever else one wants to call it, has never been a problem/issue in our marriage. I enjoy it all the time, any time. All it takes is seeing the look in my husband’s eyes to get me ready. Everything else takes a back seat, so to speak. My body is his and his body is mine.
Usually, the term apostle means Christian, and he's not. Maybe you meant prophet?
But even then, he's just arguing a rational point, not claiming to be repeating what he heard from a burning bush. Why don't we keep this rational, and not ad hominem.
Women have sex drives. I have a sex drive. I know quite a few friends, women, who don’t really care at all about making love/sex, etc. They hold it over their husbands heads as a reward for being “good” or doing what they want them to do, or whatever. And their husbands or some husbands have no clue about what any of it is all about.
You sound like my husband, lol.
Great post.
I don’t think there is THAT much difference. There are times I just want it, and he better stop what he’s doing...and he does, as I do...as long as it’s not something urgent.
I gave myself to my husband on our Wedding Day...in our vows. He gave himself to me. None of the issues of the day or problems in the world surpass the husband and wife sharing their love in that most special of ways. Actually, it brings all that matters, our committment/love to each other, to the forefront.
Plus, it’s a great stress reliever. And, everything is brighter afterwards.
That’s two ... and we intend to take over the world !
LMAO!
His list is a bit different.
Sex
Beer
Food
Sleep
Sports
Once we had kids, they ranked before Beer, Food, Sleep and Sports. ;)
The repugnance is wise. Trust it.
Great post.
LOL!
But I do hope you’re just joking.
Yep.
“When your wife rejects you, you take it very personally and no amount of pompous twaddle offsets that effect.”
I’ve heard that from my brothers and male friends throughout my life. My husband and I discussed this, too.
On the humorous side, when our last child was born, doctor said 3 weeks before sex...(4 c sections), and I said WTH? What happened to 6 weeks? With the other 3, it was no sex for 6 weeks. Doctor (female) said no, 3 weeks is fine. My husband was hilarious...cool, 3 weeks. Told him not to even attempt for 6 weeks.
Yep.
“When your wife rejects you, you take it very personally and no amount of pompous twaddle offsets that effect.”
I’ve heard that from my brothers and male friends throughout my life. My husband and I discussed this, too.
On the humorous side, when our last child was born, doctor said 3 weeks before sex...(4 c sections), and I said WTH? What happened to 6 weeks? With the other 3, it was no sex for 6 weeks. Doctor (female) said no, 3 weeks is fine. My husband was hilarious...cool, 3 weeks. Told him not to even attempt for 6 weeks.
It sure was for me. When the kitchen trash can became full, my husband would stack empty milk containers, cereal boxes... next to it. After I explained to him that when the trash was full it needed to be taken out, he stopped throwing any thing away. At one time, he had six empty cereal boxes on top of the fridge.
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