Justice Department to force criminals to register illegal guns (Satire)

dcexaminer.com ^ | Scott Ott

[Sub-Driver]

Justice Department to force criminals to register illegal guns

By Scott Ott Examiner Columnist | 2/26/09 6:06 PM

Scrappleface: News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher

In an effort to reduce gun violence nationwide, Attorney General Eric Holder said today that the Obama administration will reinstate the Clinton-era assault weapons ban that expired in 2004, adding new provisions to make it even more effective at saving lives.

Under the revised rules, people who intend to commit crimes with stolen guns, for example, will first need to register those weapons with the federal government.

"Guns don't kill people," said Mr. Holder, "Unregistered, stolen guns kill people. Once we have a list of all of the guns owned by potential criminals, it will be much easier to track down the origin of a weapon that's been used in a robbery or murder."

The Justice Department plans to open illegal gun registration kiosks in pawn shops, urban parking garages and abandoned buildings in high-profile locations to make the registration process "as easy and painless as possible."

In addition to the registration requirement, the definition of 'assault weapon' has been expanded to include not only certain semi-automatic guns with pistol grips, large magazines, silencers or collapsible stocks, but any weapon that can be used to assault another person.

"About 14 percent of murderers use knives," the Attorney General said.

[Sub-Driver]

Now check the author before you believe this....

[TheKidster]

I could see them trying this.

[txnativegop]

If the story is accurate, which I don’t think it is, Holder is a complete fool for a lawyer and an idiot of an Attorney General.

[Dead Corpse]

Once upon a time, we used to think it was satire that they'd end up banning knives...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4581871.stm

Starting to loose my sense of humor around such things.

[Red_Devil 232]

Heee Heeee Heeeee At least this part of your post is accurate even if the article is humor:

Holder is a complete fool for a lawyer and an idiot of an Attorney General.

[TYVets]

Starting to loose my sense of humor around such things.

Dittos

The way Generalissimos presidency is going this satire makes more sense than his programs.

[R_Kangel]

"Justice Department to force criminals to register illegal guns"

Yup, I can see those criminals flocking to register their illegal weapons. Yeah, they would want to get into trouble by doing anything illegal.

[sheikdetailfeather]

LOL!!!

[Billthedrill]

It's a great idea. That way, when people commit crimes it would illegal and we could put them in jail.

Scot Ott strikes again...

[mountn man]

Holder is a complete Tool.

There, enough said.