Is My Marriage Gay?

New York Times ^ | May 12, 2009 | JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN

[nickcarraway]

AS many Americans know, last week Gov. John Baldacci of Maine signed a law that made this state the fifth in the nation to legalize gay marriage. It’s worth pointing out, however, that there were some legal same-sex marriages in Maine already, just as there probably are in all 50 states. These are marriages in which at least one member of the couple has changed genders since the wedding.

I’m in such a marriage myself and, quite frankly, my spouse and I forget most of the time that there is anything particularly unique about our family, even if we are — what is the phrase? — “differently married.”

Deirdre Finney and I were wed in 1988 at the National Cathedral in Washington. In 2000, I started the long and complex process of changing from male to female. Deedie stood by me, deciding that her life was better with me than without me. Maybe she was crazy for doing so; lots of people have generously offered her this unsolicited opinion over the years. But what she would tell you, were you to ask, is that the things that she loved in me have mostly remained the same, and that our marriage, in the end, is about a lot more than what genders we are, or were.

Deirdre is far from the only spouse to find herself in this situation; each week we hear from wives and husbands going through similar experiences together. Reliable statistics on transgendered people always prove elusive, but just judging from my e-mail, it seems as if there are a whole lot more transsexuals — and people who love them — in New England than say, Republicans. Or Yankees fans.

[BARLF]

Bill should stick with Monica........well not sure about that...

[Ole Okie]

Gee whiz! You need to warn us.

I made the mistake of zooming in on that photo - ugh!

Never again.

[Ben Mugged]

Sacramental marriage is more than a union of a man and a woman; it is, in fact, a type and symbol of the divine union between Christ, the Bridegroom, and His Church, the Bride. As married Christians, open to the creation of new life and committed to our mutual salvation, we participate not only in God's creative act but in the redemptive act of Christ.

They can call it anything they like. You can call a dog a cat. "Marriage" between individuals or groups of individuals of the same sex is not a sacrament.

[longtermmemmory]

1 NYT

2 still genetically the same sex and therefore homosexuals.

3 NYT

[longtermmemmory]

how many states would reject that marriage as invalid once the genetic background is exposed.

How about every state that has a DOMA

[Iron Munro]

These people used to have the decency and good taste to keep their Bizarro lives confined to carnival sideshows and Democrat party conventions.

[JSDude1]

Sicko..if the DNA is still Male (and God created them like that), they they aren’t ‘female’ no matter how much they mutilate their body/how lost they are in reguard to their soul.

[elkfersupper]

Anybody this confused shouldn’t have access to a keyboard.

[txroadkill]

Jennifer Finney Boylan is a professor of English at Colby College

Is anybody really shocked by any of this?

I'm ganna buy an island and if you don't have a FReeper nick you can't come to my island.

[hunter112]

"I started the long and complex process of changing from male to female. Deedie stood by me, deciding that her life was better with me than without me."

What kind of a low self-esteem doormat do you have to be to put up with that? I'm sorry to disagree with people whose motto is "divorce, never", but this surely is not contemplated in, "for better, for worse".