Posted on 08/13/2009 9:07:15 AM PDT by Starman417
Life and the internet are strange strange things. I've been trading emails and posts etc with Chris for years now. It wasn't at all uncommon for his duties, deployments, and family to make those virtual conversations sporadic from time to time. Well, Chris won't be returning emails anymore. He passed away suddenly on June 30, 2009.
Last Fall he and his wife Shannon had a baby girl, Lilly. Chris was so happy. We teased him about how awful it is to step on Barbie Doll high heels in the middle of the night, and he bragged about how his friends Mossberg and Remington were gonna help keep the boys away from his little beauty.
A few weeks later he deployed to Afghanistan. We still got emails from him. He sent pics, talked about the firefights, artillery barrages on Christmas night, and how, 'once you accept that if you step off the path you're in a minefield , and you're dead, it's not that bad. Ya just stay on the path.' He didn't love it over there in the ass-end of the planet by any stretch of the imagination, but he was extremely proud to be doing his duty-at least, that's what he told us in emails.
Chris was always brash, blunt, bold, and beautiful in his political commentary. He was in no uncertain terms not happy with the Democratic Party, its leaders or its followers. Time and again he posted here at Flopping Aces in response to DNC talking points about Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Global War on Terror. He would NEVER stoop to re-naming it 'overseas contingency operations in support of combat in Operations Iraqi Freedom and/or Operation Enduring Freedom. People would post that there were no WMD in Iraq, and he's show pictures and links and tell personal stories of his time there. They'd say there was no Al Queda in Iraq, and that Saddam and Bin Laden had no relationship, and he'd wig out with tales of what he had personally seen.
[SNIP]
I've been noticeably missing the past week or so for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is Army business, but I can't blame it all on work. At the end of the show, I publicly admitted that I'm having issues dealing with life.-CJ, writing on June 30th, the very day ChrisG committed suicide.
Back in March, I was about to transition to a new job and had interest in having another go at the military reserves, although I was rejected 2 years ago.
The recruiter I had begun talking to abruptly broke off contact. On March 18th, I sent an email to CJ of A Soldier's Perspective, venting frustration. He wrote back:
To their credit this time, the Army is busy with a lot of suicide prevention training lately, especially the recruiters. Maybe give them another week, but keep trying!
Just the day before this, CJ had posted on suicide prevention programs within the military.
On March 6th, about 2 weeks earlier, CJ's post began:
I want to address that Soldier, Marine, Sailor, or Airman that may have come here for answers. You may be contemplating suicide and you're seeking help over the internet. If this is your only outlet, please seek us out. My email address is on the sidebar and regardless of the time of day, you may contact me. If you need help, I will give you my personal phone number. Above all, don't go to extremes and try to kill yourself.I can promise you that this world is a beautiful place and you are an amazing part of it. Please don't leave people wondering what kind of world it would have been had you stayed in it! There is nothing in this world worthy of taking your life. Believe it or not, a failed relationship, a bad deployment experience, a failed job, delinquent bills, terrible leadership, the loss of a family member or friend – none of that is worth your life. I desperately urge you to take those issues in your life and become something bigger in spite of your problems. There are people who care about you deeply and want to help you through whatever you're facing right now. We may not understand, but we care and want help you through it. Once you take your life, it can't be taken back.
If you don't contact us for help, please go somewhere. Check out www.militaryonesource.com for people that can help. Go to your chain of command. Seek out a complete stranger. Go to a hospital or police department. Just do something besides trying to take your life. I don't know you personally, but I'd like to.
Although I've never met Chris, and had only limited contact and conversations with him, it's difficult for any of us- his friends and family members most of all- not to wonder what we could have done to have made the difference in his life that might have given him that one moment of pause he needed to get him through. I had seen CJ's post in March; around June or July, CJ himself came to grips with his own need to reach out for professional help and was diagnosed with PTSD. Chris ended his life in late June.
The "what if's" inevitably begin to swirl around in my head: What if I had followed through with a blogpost of my own, then? Even just simply linked to CJ's important post? Like so many intended posts, it never got made...Would Chris have seen it? Read it? Remembered it in his time of need? Contacted CJ? Sought help? Or would events have unfolded the way they did, anyway? What if I had bothered to correspond more with Chris? Sent him a kind word of support about how much we admire him for the hard job that he does daily for our country? Would I have noticed any possible signs that he was in trouble?
Having had an uncle who took his own life, I will say that the grief and guilt of those loved ones left behind can be enormous.
(Excerpt) Read more at floppingaces.net ...
FYI....Chris used to post here at FR under the username M1Tanker
Ah shit... :(
i just looked at the keywords. How very sad. Sending prayers to his family.
I’m sorry to hear of this. I love that site, too! Prayers for his family and friends.
This is so tragic. Prayers for his family. PTSD is very real. I know next door at Ft. Campbell they are having major problems with it. It got so bad back in June that they shut the base down for 3 days to do nothing but counsel troops.
This is so sad. Prayers to the family ... .
Why, why, why ... .
I see what he wrote ... however why did he do it?
He knew better ... why didn’t someone step in and lift him up?
On second thought ... maybe Someone did life him UP.
I hate that our country has gotten sooo bad under HolyO that my first thought is a tinfoil hat thought!! This guy just had a baby, he’s got all these things going for him, AND he’s providing EYEWITNESS validation to the lies coming out of the WH and the MSM, and ‘suddenly’ he takes his own life??
Doesn’t make sense to me. :*(
Prayers going up for his wife, children, and friends who’s lives will be less now that he has left this big void.
Goodbye, FRiend! :*(
We exchanged a couple of posts late March. He gave me courage. I remember him and I remember his post.
Very sad news. I am sorry to hear this news but thank you for letting us know.
May God bless his family and hold them close during this difficult time.
Rest in Peace, M1tanker. Thank you for your service.
May God Bless and Comfort your family and friends. How I wish someone had been with you to help you fight those demons.
Please Father, bless and hold M1Tanker in your loving embrace.
Prayers up for his beautiful family. Sometimes we know the right thing to do, but have a damn hard time doing it.
Suicide sucks.
Why do we lose all the good people so early? RIP, sir...and thank you for your service.
Crushingly sad ping
I saw your family in his. I hope you’re all well.
No words. There are none other than ‘why?’ Just prayers for his beautiful family.
We always want a rational explanation for an irrational act. Suicide leaves behind everyone -—— the impact and adjustment afterwards is never easy and always devastating.
To suggest that someone ‘knows better’ is pretty pointless. Whatever was going on for Chris a few things are true a) he was overwhelmed b) the long term solution to the short term problem became acceptable and c)it was his time to go ( because other wise he would be one of those who tried and failed)
My prayers for the family and friends for their suffering is multiplied
Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. He had a wife and three children. What the hell was he thinking? I did my time in Afghanistan, came home and got on with my life. I’m proud of my Afghanistan service and have no regrets.
From one of the comments there in that article (and from link given above)...
Not even sure how to start this post, it’s all been a blur. As Scott described above it began with a simple “has anyone heard from Chris?” and it snowballed from there. I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined it would end like this. The Chris I knew and befriended here on Flopping Aces, first as a commenter and then author when I asked him to come aboard on September 6th, 2007 was solid as a rock. He served his country in war and peacetime. He was so proud of his country and his babies but was passionate about the direction this country was going in and he didn’t like it one bit…as none of us did either.
But why would he take his own life?
The last few emails I received from him in early June, apologizing for the lack of writing (which we all understood due to his service to our country) spoke of him “probably” getting a divorce. I knew the emotional turmoil he must of been going through since I recently went through a divorce. I told him to stay in touch and if he needed anything to please contact me.
I never heard from him again.
Abraham Lincoln battled depression all his life and at times it was crushing, but he said in his autobiography that he rejected his suicidal thoughts because he knew if he committed suicide that’s the only thing people would remember about him.
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