I hear she met O’Reilly over at the coffee shop. Here are excerpts from the text of an affidavit I got from “secret sources.”
My name is Melvin Scruggs. Of the Arkansas Scruggs. Anyway I was over to this Starbucks place in Little Rock that I saw from the freeway. Being as deer season is coming up and I am temporarily out of Bucksnort, I thought I would pop in there and get me some. I could hardly get my truck in the parking lot cause I got the rear end of a 78 Ford pickup that I cut off with a sawsall and turned into a dog trailer hitched on, but somehow I got it in there. It was a real small parking lot and from all the new cars and SUVs I figgered this must be a high class deer hunting store. So’s I went in and there was a couple of real girly looking boys there and when I asked them did they have any Bucksnort, they said no but they had Cappa Cheeno.
Well, beings as I done popped a few caps into quite a few deers over my life I said okay and they give me a cup of coffee to drink while they went to fetch the Cappa Cheeno. I hate to be critical but they put way too much milk in it and it had a head of foam on it, but them boys looked they never drank coffee black before.
Anyways, I turned around and LO AND BEHOLD, there sat Bill O’Reilly talking with some blond gal. I knowed it was Bill because I seen him on television before that night he had Jenna Jameson on. Boy do I wish that was Jenna who was with him this time but it wasn’t. It was some weird talking flaky gal. I went over to thank him and ask him if he could put Jenna on some more. He said he didn’t know what I was talking about, so I figgered he didn’t want this chick to find out about Jenna so I just played dumb and winked at him. But it was him, I am sure.
Anyway, them two boys never did give me any Cappa Cheeno, or Bucksnort and then they asked me to pay them for the durn coffee. Well I told them right then and there that they shouldn’t offer somebody a cup of coffee and then try to Indian-give it back, particularly if they didn’t have no Bucksnort in stock.
I left that place and whew I finished that coffee but it kept me up for hours. Further I don’t say nuthing.
Very truly yours,
parsy, who has his sources
Tears. I’m in tears. You need to quit your day job and write satire.
I got video of part of that.
grunthor, who is splitting his sides
Very creative. lol
Oh, that is so funny, I forgot to laugh Parsy.
Okay, I heard that whole conversation in my head in “Mater’s” voice from “Cars”, LOL! :-)