Posted on 01/06/2010 6:34:45 AM PST by Kaslin
Almost exactly 10 years ago, I boarded a Northwest Airlines plane in Minneapolis. As I started toward my veal-pen seat in steerage, I saw the faces of the preboarded aristocrats in business class. But before I could glare at them with proletarian rage and envy, I heard a loud bang and felt a sharp pain on the top of my head. Everyone looked to see what the sound was; even the two flight attendants chatting like village women around the well broke off their no-doubt-vital conversation.
The source of the preflight disturbance? I'd smacked my enormous gourd of a head on a television hanging from the ceiling above the center aisle that hadn't been stowed for boarding. I lifted my hand to my scalp and drew back a palm glistening with fresh blood.
The response from the flight attendants? A shrug from one and the faint hint of a chuckle from another. They went back to their conversation. Dumbfounded, I proceeded to my seat to nurse my head wound, fuming over the fact that customer service at even the most rancid highway-rest-stop taco joint requires providing a moist towelette for seeping head wounds.
It's not the worst flight-from-hell story. Heck, it's not even my worst flight-from-hell story. So what's my point?
Well, for starters, it's a small reminder that flying before 9/11 was already awful, and it has only become worse.
Over the weekend, an idiot walked the wrong way through a secure exit for arriving passengers at Newark airport. An entire terminal was shut down so that everybody on the "sterile" side of the security barriers could be herded back out and rescreened. The entire process took just under seven hours. The cascading delays disrupted air travel worldwide. They didn't even catch the doofus who caused the ruckus. No doubt, if they'd announced his location over the paging system, he'd have been drawn and quartered by a mob of traveling salesmen from 3M and a gaggle of middle school girls returning from a volleyball tournament.
Now, I should back up. When I referred to the "sterile" side of the security barrier, I was using the term narrowly, to refer to folks who'd been through the metal detectors. Because to use the word "sterile" in its usual context in a sentence with "airports" -- those belching Petri dishes of bathroom effluence and unidentifiable noisome miasma -- would be a grotesque abrogation of journalistic trust.
According to the latest epidemiological research, airports reside somewhere between no-frills Haitian brothels and Penn State fraternity bathrooms when it comes to hygiene. USA Today recently surveyed the health inspection records of airport restaurants and found that serious code violations were as commonplace as rat and mouse droppings; 77 percent of 35 restaurants reviewed at Reagan National Airport had at least one major violation.
I could go on, of course. The petty humiliations, the routine deceptions from airline employees desperate to rid themselves of troublesome travelers ("Oh, they can definitely help you at the gate!"), the stress-position seats, the ever-changing rules for what can and cannot be in your carry-on, being charged for food that the Red Cross would condemn if it were served at Gitmo: Air travel is the most expensive unpleasant experience in everyday life outside the realm of words ending in -oscopy.
And speaking of unwelcome intrusions, the current debate over the "underwear bomber" is important and necessary, but it is detached from basic reality. To listen to the experts, the only relevant choice is between privacy and security. But the average person already understands that privacy is something you have to compromise to fly. The white zone has been for unloading your dignity and civil liberties for generations. This isn't to say that retaining what's left of our privacy isn't an important priority. But I, for one, would gladly sacrifice more privacy in exchange for more decency and efficiency. As it stands, Shlomo Dror, an Israeli air security expert, had it right in 2002 when he said: "The United States does not have a security system; it has a system for bothering people."
Public-private partnerships are all the rage these days. Progressives insist the judicious application of regulations, the cooperation of "responsible" corporations and the acquiescence of the American people are all that's needed to deliver everything from high-quality and affordable health care to "green" cars that run on little more than love for mother Earth.
No realm of American life is as auspiciously fecund with precisely such conditions as air travel. So -- put up or shut up.
If you don’t like the service, the security, or the health standards... don’t fly. If enough people refused to subject themselves to such treatment (and pay $$$$ for it) then the airlines would straighten up their act.
A No-Fly List? Count Me In,
A No-Fly List???
Hey, I like that idea!
I want to sign-up for that also!!!
Leave the flying to the birds... High-Speed Rail and Maglev is our FUTURE!!!!!
Good point. We keep paying more for less. I guess unless we stop doing it the rates will continue to increase and the “amenities” will continue to diminish.
About the gate-crasher - How did they know he walked throught he wrong queue unless they saw him? If they saw him, why didn’t someone just stop him? Really, how hard can this be?
"The United States does not have a security system; it has a system for bothering people."
Hear! Hear! Muslims should be banned from all commercial transport. Let them drive...until the first car bomb is exploded. Then let them walk...until the first vest bomb is detonated. Then let them be shipped out of the country en masse.
In the column of lousy service, here’s one: Flying back from Europe in a plane full of partying Germans, had lousy food and lots of turbulence. Landing in Dulles, I promptly threw up in the provided barf bag, told a flight attendant who shrugged and said leave it on the deck of the cabin...no “attend’ in attendant...
Oh, I forgot boat (ship)
When that changes, game over man.
Yeah but how would you get to Europe, Japan, Australia etc for example, other then by boat? Do you suggest we should do away with that also?
It has worked perfectly.
The further away from cops, lawyers, doctors and airports you can stay, the happier your life will be.
Last April was the first time since 1995 that I went by plane when I visited my daughter and her family in Amarillo. It’s not that I was afraid of flying. It’s just that I don’t like to stand and have to wait in lines. Needless to say, it wasn’t bad, but this was then.
Bombing a high-speed train would work almost as well as bombing a jet.
I just refuse to patronize constitution-free zones like airports.
Yeah but how would you get to Europe, Japan, Australia etc for example, other then by boat? Do you suggest we should do away with that also?
Well Maglev "visionaries" have proposed a Transatlantic tunnel where for the mere cost of only $12 Trillion, the Maglev trains can theoretically travel from NY to London trough a vacuum tube at speeds up to 5000 mph!
But IMHO, that kind of technology will probably remain in the realm of fascinating Science Fiction for many generations to come.
So on a more practical level, I have to concede that we'll still need the airlines for the longer, international routes.
Just the same, I still strongly support "No-Fly" for the inefficient short-hop trips of 150~450 miles or so. That is where I believe we should be building high-speed rail and Maglev to displace the air travel. Especially in those densely populated regions where there are plenty of passengers/travellers.
“Air travel is the most expensive unpleasant experience in everyday life outside the realm of words ending in -oscopy.”
LOL!
A few years ago I was wandering through the fairly new Denver Airport looking for a place to eat. I was rather surprised when I came upon a restaurant that had a public notice warning posted next to it's welcome sign. The notice stated that this restaurant had been inspected and had a major violation. It went on to say that the restaurant was using dirty silverware. Needless to say that impressed me to keep looking. I have never seen this type of notice posted in front of any other airport restaurant, but think it should be requirement, not only at airport restaurants, but all restaurants. The sign should stay up until their next monthly inspection.
Mr. Goldberg was too polite to just go to his seat, I would have felt the blood and commence to do a Mrs. Tiger Woods on the monitor while simultaneously spewing a stream of profanity that would make today's average teenager blush. Then if the airline decided to prosecute me for damage or disruption I would have filed a law suit for negligence and personal injury. Take that you uncaring industry.
Bombing a high-speed train would work almost as well as bombing a jet.
Well heck.... if you really want to get paranoid, why do you even need a bomb?
Just drive onto any of our major metro Beltways at rush hour where bumper-to-bumper traffic is still flying at 65~75 mph.... and then have one of your terrorist buddies start flinging concrete blocks out the back of your pickup truck into the heavy traffic behind you...
I bet that would cause a multi-car pile up almost as dramatic as any airline bomb at the airport.
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