Posted on 04/04/2010 4:38:57 PM PDT by James C. Bennett
You need oil to calm yourself?
YIKES!
I like the Bill Cosby approach, the one where he says, “You know, I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. And it doesn’t matter to me, because I can make another one that looks just like you...”
When he was not yet 2, we were downtown and headed out of a dept. store for lunch. He spotted a gum ball machine and wanted a BIG gumball. I said no and explained why.
He sat down and started screaming for it. I looked at him and said, “Well, I'm going to lunch, Do you want to come with me or are you going to stay here?”
He continued to scream. So I said, “Okay. Bye bye then,” and walked off - to where I could still see hm but he couldn't see me. In the meantime, two little old ladies had been watching - and one thought I was terrible to do that - while the other said I was handling it just right. They got into an argument over it, which scarred my son and he came running for mommy. That was the last ‘downtown tantrum”.
At home, there were a couple more ‘control’ attempts. If he didn't get his way, he'd literally bang his head on the floor so hard he'd get a bump on his forehead. I would totally ignore him and go about my business. After 2 or 3 of these episodes, he figured out the only one getting upset - and HURT - was him. End of that one.
Next one was holding his breath. He stood there turning red in the face, clenching his fists. I calmly walked to the sink, got a glass of cold water and calmly threw it in his face, turned away and went back to what I had been doing.
that was the last breath holding incident.
He was a challenge to raise! But he turned out just fine - and I always said God gave me the other 4 kids - who never resorted to such tantrums - as a reward for not committing infanticide - or tot-acide? ;o)
I can't figure out which.
There has to be a fear factor. I loved my parents and they loved me but they placed in me a fear of what would happen if I crossed the line. It works. Kids who throw tantrums have no fear of their parents reactions.
My translation: You want it upsida your head or on your butt???????
I love that approach, wish I ‘d have thought of it decades ago....:O)
I had a puker. She’d cry and gag herself because she knew that throwing up got her sympathy when she was sick. It worked maybe twice but the third time she did it, I saw her deliberately gagging herself and I said, “After you finish throwing up, I want you to pick those toys up like I told you!” Apparently, vomiting was too much effort and it didn’t happen again.
We were never allowed in stores.
Shopping for groceries was on a Friday evening. My brother and I waited in the car.
ROTFLOL
FIRST thing you do is to see if you are at fault.
Is the child well-fed? Has the child had a proper nap, or enough sleep? Have you timed your exposure to the sensory circus of the stores or wherever you are in public to be less than his capacity for it?
It is not the child’s fault if he is hungry, tired, or overwhelmed. Take some responsibility for that. Do not expect a child in that condition to reason or remember how he is supposed to behave.
Don’t take tired children ANYWHERE. Have food with you for him to snack on, and something to drink. Make your shopping trips or outings SHORT or pay for a babysitter.
If all of those things are kept, then you can start with your behavior mods as in this article. I have two (out of 3) great kids I can take anywhere, but only if their bodily needs are met.
And if you have a child on the autism scale, learn from me, who learned the hard way. NEVER TAKE YOUR CHILD ANYWHERE. LOL. OK, that is extreme, but as for shopping trips or other chores, leave him at home in his comfort zone. Leave him home from some big family get-togethers, even holidays. I regret dragging my poor child to all of the above, with ghastly results pretty much every time.
If you insist on going to family get-togethers, time it for 20 minutes and LEAVE. They can’t handle much more than that. They will be happier eating turkey with their beloved sitter alone with their favorite things, than at a big Thanksgiving meal. I PROMISE YOU. :)
I do something similar with kids raising hell in a public space. I stop, look, and keep staring at them. If they and the parent are close to me in a line, I talk to the parent to reassure them not to be embarrassed.
Huh?
I was quiet by age 7 in Church, my dad paddled my bottom to make sure I was!
"... And it was three goddam years ago. The little f**ker had thrown all my papers all over the floor. All I tried to do was to pull him up. A momentary loss of muscular coordination. I mean... A few extra foot pounds of energy, per second... per second...."
I almost fell out of my chair the first time I saw that posted...:)
My how things have changed. Today, leaving a child/children alone in a car is considered child abuse.
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