Posted on 04/07/2010 6:23:42 AM PDT by MindBender26
THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER ...............
Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough..
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should about do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A.. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Jose, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A.. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A.. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Thanks for posting a Wednesday laugh! HS was a silly and enjoyable show with many Henny Youngman-like one liners. I loved it.
My favorite: How is the capitol of Kentucky prounounced? Is it louie-ville, or louis-ville?
Never did a contestant figure out that trick question. It’s Frankfurt.
You are right. I needed that.
Made me smile.
Thanks.
“Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Jose, the pin boy.”
A woman after my own heart! My future ‘Cabana Boy’ fund grows by the week... :)
Thanks for posting! Great laughs and memories. Can’t you just see Paul, Charlie and Rose Marie saying those things? They sure don’t make ‘em like that any more.
Oh man that was great - thanks!
I’m old enough to put faces and voices to those names.
thanks so much for posting this.
I got my education on Hollywood Squares!!
Who is buried in Grant's tomb?
President and Mrs. Grant.
Paul, what does it mean when the groundhog sticks his head out, and does not see his shadow??
Paul Lynde: The lawnmower got him...
A great collection, MindBender.
Thanks !
Old Hollywood Squares was one of the best comedy shoes of all time.
The regulars were irreplacable.
Nostalgic :)
Thanks for posting this. I forwarded it on to my wife at work to give her a laughter pickup before we meet with her surgeon later today about some major life saving surgery.
LOL, good stuff!
Well, unless you’re a newborn applying for the job, I’m not going to need you for another 20 years or so, LOL! :)
Love it. I remember when Peter Marshall would laugh so hard he would cry and couldn’t speak. I also remember Burt Reynolds and Michael Landon being hilariously funny.
Q. What are the coloful things that Mexican children break on festive occassions?
Paul Lynde: “Church windows”
Good post!
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