Posted on 05/15/2010 7:18:42 AM PDT by Sen Jack S. Fogbound
AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE!
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this May 1st from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in Brussels, Newcastle , Stockton-on-Tees, Bradford ; the province of Saskatchewan Canada as well as N.S.W. Australia and the state of Oregon USA , emphasized that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in these areas anyway. Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.
The terrorist pulls the string and detonates himself to pieces in the market square.
He goes to the pearly gates and much to his disappointment sees St. Peter.
St. Peter greets him and the terrorist asks about the seventy-two virgins he was promised.
St. Peter advises him that there was a mistake in the translation. It was not seventy-two virgins that he would meet in paradise, but seventy-two Virginians.
The way I heard it, the terrorist found this out only after Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry, and Robert E. Lee gave him a serious tongue lashing, and there was a long line of Virginians waiting their turn. :-)
... maybe they already are
No matter what, I love the image of seventy-two Virginians
slapping the daylights out of him (and a bit worse) for a very long time. :>)
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