Worlds Oldest Manufacturer, Recalls All Active Models

Gate ^ | 7/25/10 | Chuck Wolk

[OneVike]

It is being reported that the Manufacturer of all human beings is in the process of recalling all active units. The Maker of this product has determined that regardless of make or year, the product needs to have it's main energy source retrofitted, due to a serious defect in the unit's primary component.  When asked exactly what the problem with the primary component was, the Manufacturer informed us that the heart of the problem is the heart, and that He has sent out representatives to help with the recall.  The Manufacturer is also informing us that the defect which was in the original prototypes, code named Adam and Eve, has subsequently been duplicated in all units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Nonmorality," or more commonly known as S.I.N.
    
The representatives of the Maker, are warning the public that any or all of the following symptoms could occur.  A loss of direction, foul vocal emissions, amnesia of origin, lack of peace, absence of joy, fearfulness, idolatry, moments of selfish and or violent behavior followed by spells of depression or confusion in the mental component that can lead to rebellion against it's Maker.
      
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing a service that will allow for a factory authorized repair, free of charge.

To insure this repair is done properly and complete, the Manufacturer is sending the only person who can do the repairs, His Son Jesus.   Per His Fathers instructions, this repair Technician will perform a technique known in the business as Salvation.  Now because the cost of repair is so staggering, the Technician will generously offer to bear the entire burden of the cost for these repairs, and once completed there will be no additional fee, ever required.

However, you must personally request that the Technician repair the defect, because the Manufacturer will not authorize any substitute callers on said unit's behalf. 
  
The number to call in order to get the Technician to repair the defect is 1-800-P-R-A-Y-E-R-S, but remember to be on your knees when calling.  Once connected, you must upload your burden of S.I.N. through the REPENTANCE procedure.  After you have completed the repentance procedure, you will automatically be uploaded with the ATONEMENT and SALVATION fix from the Repair Technician.  This fix will be installed instantly into the heart component by the Technician, Jesus.  No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with love, Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and long suffering, and self control  

Please refer to the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth manual, also called the B.I.B.L.E, for further details on the use of these fixes. 
    
Disclaimer: 
Continuing to operate the human being unit without allowing for the SALVATION fix and atonement correction, will void any manufacturer warranties.  Such a failure will expose the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
  
Warning:
Any human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
  
Thank you for your attention!   GOD
  
P.S.
   
 Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!  Because He Lives!

[Last Dakotan]

The Technician did acquire twelve Apprentices while on Earth who received advanced instruction in repair and upgrades.

[Riodacat]

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect,

He sure as hell is. He totally f@#ked up.
No other manufacturer would be allowed to get away with so many defective products.
And what was this "original defect"??
Well. it was like a daddy leaving his toddlers (whom he loves very much), in a room full of toys and tells them they can play with every toy, except the one in the middle of the room. If they play with it, He will punish and torture them and their children forever. And if you're a parent, you know how that plays out.
So love and worship your manufacturer (like a cosmic Saddam Hussein), else you will be tortured forever by your loving manufacturer.
Yah, like I'm buying into that manufacturer..

[OneVike]

Of course, and you wouldn not?

No sickness, no need to work, no pain, no crime, no evil whatsoever, and never death. To live in the presence of God forever on earth. Yes I would, but now need to go through hell on earth first, then die and be resurrected to Heaven.

You find life on earth to be great and just fine the way it is?

[OneVike]

Why so angry with the One who gave you life?

He didn’t cause the pain and suffering, man did when he sinned, and sin entered the world upon the sin of Adam and Eve.

You are the exact type of unit that this fix is intended to help.

[PeaceBeWithYou]

Andy didn’t screw up, it was an unintended consequence of freewill.

[EternalVigilance]

Yah, like I'm buying into that manufacturer..

Ah. I see. You hate freedom. You want to be a unit that is completely controlled in every single function from the home office of the manufacturer.

Not me. I'm thankful that me made me autonomous, ie FREE, like Himself.

[Riodacat]

Why so angry with the One who gave you life?

I am not "angry" with either my mom or my dad.

[OneVike]

So you do not believe in God, thus you will suffer the consequences that is posted in the warning for such a unit.

Any human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

[Riodacat]

Ah. I see. You hate freedom. You want to be a unit that is completely controlled in every single function from the home office of the manufacturer.

Huh??
Just shows how convoluted your thinking is
No one dictates my behavior, I have total freedom to act & do what I think is right - and take resposibility for it.
I'm not the one who is a slave to nonsense and superstition.
You guys and the Muzzies have a lot in common.

[Riodacat]

So you do not believe in God, thus you will suffer the consequences that is posted in the warning for such a unit.

Any human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Yes, you better believe in your manufacturer cause he's your loving daddy, because if you don't worship and love him, he will torture you for all eternity.
Sounds more like a cosmic Saddam Hussein than a loving daddy to me..
But hey, believe whatever nonsense you want - after all, you have freedom.

[OneVike]

Wow, you really don’t have a clue do you?

Show me where the way He wants us to live is evil instead of being better then the way we do now?

[EternalVigilance]

No one dictates my behavior, I have total freedom to act & do what I think is right - and take resposibility for it.

Actually, without God you're a slave, not a free man.

[tacticalogic]

Andy didn’t screw up, it was an unintended consequence of freewill.

Whenever I do something that has undesirable unintended consequences it counts as a screw up.

[tacticalogic]

You find life on earth to be great and just fine the way it is?

It would be better than never having lived at all. Changing history has consequences.

[OneVike]

In our case, history was changed for the worse. God did not want us to be living this way, but we screwed up by rejecting His love. All the evil and pain of history that you accuse Him of, is man’s fault for rejecting Him and allowing sin to enter into the world.

Now we must live with the consequences, but if you accept His gift of eternal life that is offered through the sacrifice of His on, then after this life you can have eternal life with no pain or suffering. Otherwise you will be damned to eternal hell.

Like it or not, it is the future of those who reject his fix.

[tacticalogic]

All the evil and pain of history that you accuse Him of

Please document my having made these accusations, or discountinue that line of argument.

[OneVike]

Please document my having made these accusations, or discountinue that line of argument.

You said in comment #6 to me;

So God screwed up? Nice.

By saying God screwed up, you blame Him for all the evil and pain of history.

God did not screw up, man did.

[tacticalogic]

Do you understand the difference between asking a question and making a statement? That little squiggly thing on the end means something.

[tacticalogic]

Just for clarification - I didn’t accuse God of screwing up. I did accuse the author of this article of having chosen a very poor analogy.

[OneVike]

OK, then I apologize for my misunderstanding of your stance.

No harm, no foul. :>)