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A Tale of Two Cows
Our Own Warped Minds ^ | 28 October 2010 | My Fishing Buddies

Posted on 10/29/2010 1:12:34 PM PDT by Vigilanteman

A Tale of Two Cows

OLD DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

OLD REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

NEW DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. But you don’t want him in your gated community disturbing your pastoral environment. You convince him to elect you so that a third neighbor, who has one cow, will be forced to provide him with free milk.

NEW REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You convince him to milk both cows to earn a share of your milk. He brings his whole family in because the milk is so good. The New Democrat persuades the whole family to elect him. He declares amnesty, confiscates your cows and makes you do all the milking to earn enough for you to live on.

TEA PARTY: You confront the New Democrat, declare the cows are yours again and deport the neighbor and his family. Further, you declare, you will milk your own damn cows from now on. However, if the former neighbor wants to buy one of the calves and start his own herd, you will sell him one at a fair price.

SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

AMERICAN NEW DEAL BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class.

GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


TOPICS: Extended News; Government; Philosophy; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: bulls; cows; politics; two
This joke has been around in various forms for years. We decided to modernize it.
1 posted on 10/29/2010 1:12:40 PM PDT by Vigilanteman
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To: Vigilanteman

Should update Polish to Environmentalist.


2 posted on 10/29/2010 1:15:41 PM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Liberalism can be summed up thusly: someone craps their pants and we all have to wear diapers)
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To: Vigilanteman

eggsellant


3 posted on 10/29/2010 1:17:52 PM PDT by griswold3 (Nov 2 is not just an election, it's a restraining order)
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To: Vigilanteman
We decided to modernize it.

Thank you and bttt.

4 posted on 10/29/2010 1:19:26 PM PDT by thulldud (Is it "alter or abolish" time yet?)
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To: Deo confidimus

relative to your humor interests ping


5 posted on 10/29/2010 1:19:35 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Want to make $$$? It's Easy! Use FR to Pimp Your Blog!)
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To: Vigilanteman

Is this another Joy Beharm thread?.............


6 posted on 10/29/2010 1:20:09 PM PDT by Red Badger (WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE MEGHAN MCCAIN A BOX OF KRISPY KREMES SO SHE'LL SHUT THE HELL UP?!)
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To: Vigilanteman

Hilarious! Especially the Russian one. :)


7 posted on 10/29/2010 1:20:13 PM PDT by derllak
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To: Vigilanteman

ping 2 cows


8 posted on 10/29/2010 1:20:38 PM PDT by TNoldman (Call 1911 not 911!)
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To: IYAS9YAS; Vigilanteman

ENVIRONMENTALIST: Your neighbor has two cows. After a year-long environmental impact study, you declare that the cows produce too much methane gas which contributes to global warming. You demand the neighbor slaughter the cows but still expect to be able to buy milk from him.


9 posted on 10/29/2010 1:27:01 PM PDT by OrangeHoof (Washington, we Texans want a divorce!)
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To: IYAS9YAS

ENVIRONMENTALIST - You own two cows. You decide your two cows are contributing to global warming, so you pass a law outlawing all cows. Children around the world start to die due to lack of milk; you tell people it is your good intentions that count, not the actual results of your actions.

PETA - You own two cows. You chastise yourself for being so insenitive as to own a fellow living creature that is every bit as valuable as a human being; you free yor cows, then head off to the rally to protest any attempt to make partial birt abortion illegal.


10 posted on 10/29/2010 1:37:00 PM PDT by Brookhaven (The next step for the Tea Party--The Conservative Hand--is available at Amazon.com)
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To: IYAS9YAS
I like the Polish. They tell the best Polish jokes.

They also laugh at them because most of them are a lot smarter than the people making jokes about them.

Which country was the first one to sucessfully put a crack in the iron curtain. Which country produced two of the key players (Lech Walesa and Pope John Paul II) which did so much to tear it down?

11 posted on 10/29/2010 1:39:19 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
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To: Vigilanteman

Pelosi & MyrrhCowSki?


12 posted on 10/29/2010 1:40:37 PM PDT by rfp1234
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To: OrangeHoof

BTTT


13 posted on 10/29/2010 1:47:33 PM PDT by Flying Circus
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To: Vigilanteman

HIPPIE- You find a herd of 100 cows while squating on a farm in California. You decide to sell them to a guy in NY. Your VW bus will only hold 2 cows so you load them up and drive to NY. You sell the cows for 1$ apiece. After the 5th trip you realize you are not making any money. You decide to buy a bigger truck.


14 posted on 10/29/2010 1:59:39 PM PDT by Hacklehead (Note to Leftists- We Will Bury You (politically)
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To: Vigilanteman

That’s why I mentioned that change. I give far more respect to Poland because of these things.


15 posted on 10/29/2010 2:00:06 PM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Liberalism can be summed up thusly: someone craps their pants and we all have to wear diapers)
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To: Brookhaven

Snicker. PETA’d likely kill them, and feel smug they released the cows from human bondage.


16 posted on 10/29/2010 2:01:51 PM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Liberalism can be summed up thusly: someone craps their pants and we all have to wear diapers)
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To: Vigilanteman

Get your own cows. Keep them on your property, and do whatever you want with your milk. I’ll do the same. No government interference is needed.


17 posted on 10/29/2010 2:08:49 PM PDT by pallis
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To: Vigilanteman

tag


18 posted on 10/29/2010 2:27:40 PM PDT by madamemayhem (defeat is not getting knocked down, it is not getting back up.)
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To: Vigilanteman

Oh please the first to laugh at polish jokes are poles.

I have a lot of friends that are polish, they call each other ski.
no first name just ski.

Over 200 showed up at a family reunion in Oct. A sad year, many gone during the year. But, the older ones pledge to keep the younger generation involved so that the Reunions never end.

I respect that. even if ski, and ski are a little ditzy. (just kidding)


19 posted on 10/29/2010 2:29:20 PM PDT by Marty62 (marty60)
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To: IYAS9YAS

Love it!


20 posted on 10/29/2010 2:31:27 PM PDT by MissNomer
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To: Vigilanteman

I am Polish, I am offended because I resemble that remark! :)


21 posted on 10/29/2010 3:36:43 PM PDT by GraceG
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To: Vigilanteman

MUSLIM: You have two cows. You trade them to a sheepherder for a new wife.


22 posted on 10/29/2010 3:38:51 PM PDT by King Moonracer (Bad lighting and cheap fabric, that's how you sell clothing.....)
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To: Vigilanteman

OBAMA ISLAMOFASCIST: You have two cows, your neighbor has none. Obama increases taxes on you to pay for services for your neighbor, claiming ‘spreading the wealth around is a good thing.’ Raises national debt 4 trillion in 18 months to put your grnadchildren into slavery paying it off, then his EPA shoots your cows because of methane emissions. Sends you a bill for the bullets and time EPA there watching you properly dispose of your biohazard messes.


23 posted on 10/29/2010 10:21:43 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
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To: King Moonracer

Or maybe:

MUSLIM: You have no cows. You trade one of your wives to get some.


24 posted on 10/29/2010 10:43:04 PM PDT by coton_lover ("He that live upon hope will die fasting." -Benjamin Franklin)
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