Napolitano: Colored threats replaced by 'formal, detailed alerts' in three months

The Hill ^

[elpadre]

“...rarely did the public know the reason, how to proceed, or for how long to be on alert..”

maybe so, but law enforcement, and all government agencies know exactly what the level means and have detailed instructions on what is to be done.

[Joe 6-pack]

Will there be an incremental alert system to show the level of DHS’s encroachment on the personal liberty of citizens?

[Cletus.D.Yokel]

She would have been better off saying “threats of color” (but not much better).

[freedumb2003]

Recent events have forced a change in security levels across the civilized world. Here are the latest threat levels:

UNITED KINGDOM
The U.K. is feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and has therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance“. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

SCOTLAND
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards”. They have no other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

FRANCE
France announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

ITALY
Italy has increased its alert level from “Shout Loudly and Gesture Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.

GERMANY
Germany has increased its alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.

BELGIUM
As usual, Belgium is on holiday; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

SPAIN
Spain is all excited to see their new submarines launched. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

CANADA
Canada has no alert levels.

NEW ZEALAND
New Zealand has raised its levels - from “baaa” to “BAAAA”. Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is “I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

AUSTRALIA
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!” “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend,” and “The barbie is cancelled” No situation in modern times has ever warranted use of the final Aussie threat escalation level.

We here at MinnCon Central hope that this answers all your questions about where the world stands today regarding the terrorist threat.

[Izzy Dunne]

So, it's going to take them THREE WHOLE MONTHS to change from colors to words?

They have to learn how to use a pencil, I guess...

[dila813]

Colored Alerts were meant to reduce the chance of alerting terrorists of intelligence while allowing the public to be proactive.

Issuing detailed alerts much beyond the color codes is aid and comfort to the enemy.

This is what the Bush Administration struggled with and I don’t think the current administration is giving enough weight to.

[Cletus.D.Yokel]

2,542 DHS bureaucrats give a huge sigh of relief...their jobs are safe for another 5 years.

[Dutch Boy]

I like Ron White’s system better. There are 2 levels. Buy a helmet and put on the helmet.

[Paladin2]

Nappy IS Elmo

[DocH]

Example of "Colored Threats":

New Black Panther: "You want freedom? You're gonna have to kill some crackers! You're gonna have to kill some of their babies!"

[dagogo redux]

Priceless! LOL!

[LostInBayport]

the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) plans to issue “formal, detailed alerts”

...364 days a year. Right Janet?

[Oztrich Boy]

Actually, a numeric level like the US military’s ‘DEFCON’ level would make the most sense. That way you don’t have to memorize which color is more severe.

Except that exactly half the population gets the defcon level direction wrong.

[N. Theknow]

Alerts of color become diversified and will now be known as Affirmative Alerts with quotas for each level.

They will also be administered by the EAOC or Equal Alert Opportunity Commission.

[varina davis]

Excellent — good chuckle.

[Paladin2]

How about:

Chamber a round.

Safety off.

[The Duke]

Except that exactly half the population gets the defcon level direction wrong.

Hey, I resemble that remark. (The ironic part is that I spent more than my share if time in "the mountain".)

[Georgia Girl 2]

Now its all clear to me.