Replies

My husband has Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. He has had dementia since 2003. His aunt, who was also a nun, died from Alzheimer’s in her late eighties. Right now, he is in the latter stages. He doesn’t know me, other than as his caregiver. He is 100% dependent on my for his care. I go through periods of despair and depression, but could not bring myself to have him put in long term care, unless he became a threat to me or himself. The other day, I was trying to get him to take a shower, and he began choking me. My son got him off. He was not angry, so much as he was afraid that I was doing something bad to him.

Yesterday, I was readying him to cut his hair, and when I laid the scissors down, he tried to grab them, and stab me. Again, his intention was to save himself. He saw me as a threat. Within a few minutes of either episode, he forgot it, and became the loving person I became to know.

Today, I started making arrangements to have him put in long term care, a place within a mile of my home. It’s not a good day. His family promised that at least one person would be there every day. I am a former activity director in another nursing home, so I will be there, along with volunteering my service to the Alzheimer’s unit.

Each person with this disease has different personalities. You never know what you are going to get from day to day. Some days, they are awake and rowdy all night long, so sleeping patterns change. Other days (most of them), is like tending to a toddler who is not yet potty trained, to put it nicely. I used to think I would clean while he slept, but more often than not, I sleep, so my house isn’t bright and shiny anymore. I have become a recluse, but that is my fault. I can afford people to come here, but I don’t like leaving, perhaps out of habit?

At one point, before he became unaware, he said he felt like blowing his head off. He was a deputy, so I got rid of all his guns. But, I can’t help thinking, that if I were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s’ I would rather be dead, too. It is that horrible a disease. I feel like I’m in an Alzheimer’s group, speaking of my experience with the rotten disease.